Do I End This?

[Patchworkturtle]

Hi all, I'm new here. Feeling a little lost so looking for some advice.
My guy and I met 4 months ago online- we message everyday, talk on the phone weekly and have met up and gone for lovely walks in the park and spent a couple of hours in a hotel being intimate (we haven't slept together yet).
For the last 5 days we've been planning to meet again. He lives with his family still, 2 brothers (mid 20's) so I said I'd be more comfortable staying on my own in a hotel again. I pay for this as it's my choice. I travel 2 hours to visit him.
He texted me on the way down yesterday to tell me his day off with work has been cancelled and he has to work from 3-12. That's fine, my hotel is 2 minutes from his work so we make a plan he will come see me in the morning. We both want to just hold each other and be close, and we've both intimated we want to have sex too.
Meet him at 9 this morning and he tells me on the way to the hotel that his shift is now 10-6. I spent an hour with him (quiet and trying not to cry or get mad) and am hoping he will finish early like he does sometimes so he can come see me some more. To me even 6pm is early enough to stay for a while, and I've asked him to stay over if he'd like, but with no response as yet.

I'm wondering for anybody could give me some advice please- I don't want to end something that I feel could be really good, but I also can't fork out $150 for an hour of his time. I feel so down I've kinda just crawled into bed and pray he will text to say his shift is ending early.

Any advice or anyone been in a similar place?
Thanks.

[Miasmata]

Sorry if I misunderstood you, but are you asking if you should end the relationship because he got his shift changed on him at work?

If that's the case - I hope I don't sound condescending here, but ending it would be a huge overreaction. He can't just decide how and when he's needed at work. Shift changes happen, there is sadly nothing you can do about that, especially when you are low on the totem pole at your workplace. I don't think he wanted it to happen like this either. Have you spoken to him? Can you get some reassurance from him once he's done with work?

It's really unfortunate that this happened on your visit. Don't overreact though, this is not somerthing either of you are at fault for. Take good care of yourself and try to relax.

[Petals]

Sorry if I misunderstood you, but are you asking if you should end the relationship because he got his shift changed on him at work?

If that's the case - I hope I don't sound condescending here, but ending it would be a huge overreaction. He can't just decide how and when he's needed at work. Shift changes happen, there is sadly nothing you can do about that, especially when you are low on the totem pole at your workplace. I don't think he wanted it to happen like this either. Have you spoken to him? Can you get some reassurance from him once he's done with work?

It's really unfortunate that this happened on your visit. Don't overreact though, this is not somerthing either of you are at fault for. Take good care of yourself and try to relax.

^^^^^THIS!

[differentcountries]

If it is not his fault, dont be mad at him. Life is frustrating sometimes, but you need to find ways to deal with that.

BTW, I once payed for a hotel room that I spent less than 2 hours in, before taking my plane home, for such a wonderful man a 100 times the rate would be worth it.

If you need to share the expenses, since works and has money maybe he can pay for parts of the hotel room. Then you can discuss if you at some point want to try the cheaper option of staying with his family.

[JaneEmily]

I agree with the others, considering ending a relationship just because his work called and his shift changed is a huge overreaction. I've had so MANY instances of where me and my SO have planned to do something on Skype or whatever in a week, and then that gets taken away because he needs to work AND earn money - do I ever consider ending the relationship because of this? No. I understand that he has the need to maintain a living, he has bills to pay, food to buy - things to save up for. Sure I hate it when he has to work 8 hour shifts with only a few hours notice, but I understand because that money keeps him afloat - it keeps him able to keep living.

Sure, it sucks that he can't spend the amount of time that you hoped but for only a 4 month relationship - a shift change SHOULDN'T dictate whether you keep the relationship or not. Your relationship is really young, and you need to understand that he has to make that money to keep living. I think anyone who considers ending a relationship just because their SO has a shift change that they can't help really needs to think their priorities. Think of it this way - the more shifts your guy gets, the more money he will be able to save up for future visits etc whilst keeping himself afloat to pay his own bills - you have plenty time to make up for the missed time during shifts further on in your relationship. When you're a few more years into your LDR you will start to understand HOW important those shifts out of nowhere, providing money, really is.

[Patchworkturtle]

You know what's nice? I've asked this on 2 different forums today. The replies to me here are very thought out and empathising, the other forum has vastly more responses, all along the vein of 'ditch this man', 'he is using you' and 'I bet you're not the only girl he is seeing'.

I don't want to end it. I'd hate that. He visited me during his break from work, and I'm hoping he will come and see me afterwards, though won't know until the end of his shift.

I suppose it's just disappointment talking- I've been on my own a long time and he means a lot to me and I can feel myself beginning to really care for him.
It's still early days, but hopefully we can see each other a little before I go home tomorrow. He won't stay over, I know that for sure, but hopefully even a couple more hours.
I'm really starting to miss him, properly miss him, between our visits, and the whole LDR thing is very new to me, so thankyou for the support

[Unicorn26]

I realise this is very disappointing for you but think positive. He came to see you in his break, that's cool isn't it! Be thankful that you're only a couple of hours away from each other, some of us are half a world away and have to deal with time zone difficulties too. Being in a LDR is really tough, you have to deal with disappointments and plans changing at the last minute sometimes. I've lost count of the times FaceTime dates have been cancelled at the last minute due to circumstances beyond anyone's control. You just have to take a deep breath and deal with it. Hang in there. If he wants this as bad as you he will work at it.

[Miasmata]

Wow, I'm really sorry you got those kinds of responses, then! Here, people call out bad stuff when they see it, and we make people aware of red flags, but someone having to work on a sudden shift change is far from a red flag. That kinda thing happens sometimes. Unless he's actually, definitely given you reason to mistrust him, it would be dangerous and unhealthy to assume he's doing shady business behind your back. A relationship is fundamentally built on trust and respect!

As said, take good care of yourself and try to relax. These road bumps happen, and we all totally get how much they suck. But as long as you and your SO are happy together and feel an LDR is worth it, these bumps can't and won't stop you. Make sure you talk to each other plenty, both about the good and the bad, and be communicative and honest. You'll see, you're stronger than you give yourself credit for.

[snow]

I'd be bummed out as well if I flew out to be with my man and he couldn't see me because of work, but he is making an effort to see you whenever he can which shows he obviously cares about you!

[Patchworkturtle]

He finished his shift over an hour late, so it's super late here now. He lives with his brothers and elderly mother and she still frets about him if he's late, so she's worried.

However, despite the late hour he came to see me, literally for 5 minutes to 'give me a kiss goodbye before I leave tomorrow'.

Thankyou all for getting me through today. Your kind words and understanding have been so helpful, and it's no wonder you all have wonderful partners, as you're all so lovely.

I suppose it really is about the little things at this stage, and I feel good about this.

God bless.

[whatruckus]

Well, good that he came to see you after work, boo that it was only for 5 mins. Don't worry about it too much, it can happen any time. Just like I know that, at any time, while I'm at my SO's house, he might choose to take a double shift. Be glad that yours can at least text you and let you know what's going on. My SO is not allowed to have his phone on him at all, so when he goes to work, he leaves it in his car (he works in a prison, so it's a safety precaution). We have an agreement that if I don't hear from him after an hour or two, to assume that he's working a double.

It might suck, but at least you got to spend some time with him. Getting that little cuddle time and kisses, should surely make up for weeks or months of not spending time with him.

[Tomlovesher]

Try to stay positive no matter what.

Be glad that he texted you.

[Petals]

He finished his shift over an hour late, so it's super late here now. He lives with his brothers and elderly mother and she still frets about him if he's late, so she's worried.

However, despite the late hour he came to see me, literally for 5 minutes to 'give me a kiss goodbye before I leave tomorrow'.

Thankyou all for getting me through today. Your kind words and understanding have been so helpful, and it's no wonder you all have wonderful partners, as you're all so lovely.

I suppose it really is about the little things at this stage, and I feel good about this.

God bless.

Things happen and you have to be flexible , so it's good that you are understanding about the change of events. Just a query:

I understand that his mom worries about him, but why couldn't he spend the night with you? Does his family know about you...that he has a girlfriend?