I'm desperate...

[Gonçalo]

This is going to be quite a long post, sorry but this is a really complex situation.

On November 15th I spent 8 days in Poland in a school project sponsored by the European Union. I stayed in the house of a Polish student, a really nice guy, and the purpose of this project was to let us experience the Polish lifestyle for a week, visit the city and make friends. There were people there from Portugal, France, Romania, Bulgaria, Italy and Turkey. To be honest I wasn't really excited about the trip... but it was the best week of my life.

Me and my "SO" automatically got really distant... 6 hours difference in Timezone, me with no free 3G since I was in a foreign country and only home at night (where I had Wi-Fi) and extremely exhausted not only because it was really cold but because we would go out everyday, to another cities, to the pub, shopping mall, etc. During my stay there I didn't cheat on her nor did I forget her or anything. The only thing that some people could say "that was totally wrong" was the fact that I danced a romantic music with my Polish friend (a girl) in a party, we were only having fun, we didn't kiss nor did I take any advantage of her. This is the only thing I recognize that maybe I shouldn't have done but still I didn't hide it and I told my SO about it, she didn't look really affected by it.

Even though we had a huge difference in our timezones we would still talk at least 2 hours per day. I would tell her about my day, show her tons of pics, etc. The thing is... Thursday, 2 days before my return to Portugal she texts me saying that she didn't know what the hell was wrong with me, that I never talked, she always had to text me to know anything and that I didn't share anything about my days and pictures with her... I found this absolutely ridiculous because the day before we talked for like 2 hours and I even spent an insane amount of money to have 4G in Kraków and send her pictures. This is when everything started to deteriorate... we stopped talking, I was super angry. We had an huge argument she started to show herself really jealous, etc.

Note that it's not the first time her jealously cause damage on our relationship. Two months ago she made me block all contact with a French friend of mine that I was exchanging languages with... the reason being that "she wants to take you away from me". This is just stupid. I speak fluently three languages, I have proficiency in one, I'm learning another one and I can speak basic Norwegian. Of course I have foreign friends to exchange languages with, for God sake, it's logical! Now this thing in Poland that maybe it doesn't look that bad to you because the way I described it, it only makes me sure of myself about cancelling this $1800 flight!

At home things are really bad. My mother keeps crying saying that it's me making everybody suffer! She says it's only my fault and that I should go! Today she accused me of getting romantically/sexually involved with a Polish girl and that being the reason why I don't want to go to Canada anymore! I'm so freaking tired of this that if I could I would hang myself on a tree!

I have no idea what led us to be like this but now I just feel like I want to cancel my trip to there so badly! And it's in 2 weeks! I don't know if my Lufthansa ticket is refundable... actually I think I didn't bought a refundable ticket but since I'm in a Frequent Flyer program they might let me change destinations or something... I'm desperate and I don't know what to do...

Sorry for this... I just needed to vent... even if it's not really a question you can still reply with your opinion.
If I could I would just fly back to Poland... there it was paradise... 1 week in heaven with nobody messing with me everyday...

[Sarah96]

This sounds like she is being very unfair if she's saying you aren't allowed to have friends that are foreign that you practice and exchange languages with. I'm not going to tell you what to do with your relationship since I have no authority over it, but you should really consider whether or not you want to be in a relationship with someone that won't let you have friends that are helping you learn and grow new things, especially if you aren't doing anything that would make you unfaithful. She is being very unreasonably jealous if you were sharing with her the events of your days and pictures. You danced with a friend, that's not "wrong" in any sense unless you took it to another level and you said you didn't, in my opinion you did nothing wrong there.

I hope everything works out with you two, and wish you two the best

[conejita_hada]

Jealousy is going to creep up in any relationship. She's probably of the opinion that you went and had fun without her. Try talking it out, reassuring her of your commitment and see if you guys can hang on for the next few weeks until you can meet in person. Don't get heated and angry, it sounds like she is being unfair but anger just fuels more anger. You shouldn't stay in a relationship that is bad for your well-being (or cuts out contact with friends, I agree, that is stupid) but your relationship is also still very young. Take the trip, it is an expensive plane ticket, and as you're so close to meeting for the first time, it doesn't make much sense to throw away that much money. Talk it out in person, if she's still mad and demands you cut contact with certain friends, then you can say you've visited Montreal when people ask about your trip. If you talk it out and come to agreement, then you'll have gotten to spend time in-person with someone you value.

[talim]

It seems to me that she is very insecure, but it doesn't give her any permission to be so unfair and try to control your life. If I was in your situation, I would probably try to reassure her that she is the only one for you, and when you will be together, I would try to talk to her about how she is being unfair and that you don't want her to decide with who you can be friends. Good luck.

[AnnMarie Green]

Ok... First, let me start by saying that it sounds to me as if your education is very important to you, as is your future.. Anyone in todays job market knows the more languages you can speak proficiently, and the more contacts you can make abroad, the better off you are.. When my better half and I got together, I knew that he was fully invested in his education.. Things for us still get rough during the last few weeks of a semester when it seems every minute he has his dedicated to finishing.. BUT these are things I knew!! I knew it would not be easy, because nothing worth having ever is!! It worries me that she already seems to be trying to limit the path you are walking, even if in the end, it could be better for you both.. When I start feeling the "squeeze" so to speak, he reminds me that everything he is doing, he is doing to make a better future or us and for our family.. If that makes no sense to her, it might be time to walk away.. Good luck!!