Need advise

[Jessies123]

My SO and I have been dating for almost 14 months and 12 have been apart. We get to see each other about 1 week every 2-3 months and never really alone. We both are members of the lds church and haven't done anything other then me giving him a blow job and him fingering me one because we can't even though we both really want to. but these last 2 months we do nothing but argue and it's killing me. We know we are meant for each other and have plans on getting married and talk about it all the time but these stupid little arguments are killing me. I don't know what else to do I want to spend my life with him and only him. But things have been so stressful and I have feelings like sometimes I'm not a priority even though I know that's not the case. And then there is his mom but I just don't know how to work on these things please any advise on how to work these things out is so much appreciated!

[differentcountries]

So, the distance is hard, you have to get married to have privacy, you would want to feel special and his mum is in the way. Is there anything specific you would like him to do?

[Ambert]

Seems like a lot of different things are going on... I would also like to know what specifically you want. Also, why can't you be alone with him more often in the weeks you can actually see each other? It doesn't mean it has so be sexually, spending one on one time is nice no matter what.

[differentcountries]

I think they are being sheperoned in the house... But they could maybe be able to go out somewhere for dinner and talking. Then it might be easier to figure out about your other issues, too.

[Ambert]

I think they are being sheperoned in the house... But they could maybe be able to go out somewhere for dinner and talking. Then it might be easier to figure out about your other issues, too.

Yeah, that's what I mean

[snow]

Pick your battles. I learned this from lucybelle and it has worked wonders. Some things are not worth fighting over, so don't fight over them. It takes two to fight, so if your SO complains about something that is not worth getting into a fight over, let it go. It seems to be easier said than done, but honestly, letting things go is not that hard.

[FloridaLovesChicago]

Pick your battles. I learned this from lucybelle and it has worked wonders. Some things are not worth fighting over, so don't fight over them. It takes two to fight, so if your SO complains about something that is not worth getting into a fight over, let it go. It seems to be easier said than done, but honestly, letting things go is not that hard.

I totally agree with this. I was in a relationship for 8 years before this one and all we did was argue over everything. It was insane. That's one of the things I love most about my relationship with Kris. He is very passive and takes everything at ease. I am an extreme person - I don't argue much but when I am acting ridiculous, he doesn't argue with me...he talks me down. Every. Single. Time. The fact that he understands the little things do not need to turn into big things is just one of the bazillion things I adore about him.
Always think logically about what's really being argued about or voiced. Most of the time you can just brush it off and move right on along.

[Jessies123]

To answer most of your questions I want him to make me a priority in his life while we can see each other. We get time yo our selfs like maybe 1 day in 2-3 months and it's never anything sexual because of our religion but like we are going to the coast for the day when he's here next but the problem with that is that is really the only alone time I will have with him while he is here because he has to spend time with his family and do things for them..... And we are always sheperond and when we are alone we don't want to argue with each other since it is such a rare thing. But he's also the kinda guy who's like its a new day and everything is alright and doesn't want to talk about it.... I try so hard not to argu with him and we never used to but after the last time I saw him it seems like that's all we do and I just want to stop arguing and we both say ok and then the next night somehow we are in another disagreement. Like he hates me asking questions and we were both joking around and next thing I know he's mad at me for asking to many questions. I just want the man I love back. I'm scared I'm going to lose him and if I do I well can't think of that.

[differentcountries]

I think this is a very common guy girl problem. The girl wants them to talk about their problems, preventing them to get bigger, while the guy just wants some peace of mind and thinks talking about problems makes them bigger. Both are in a way right... You have to deal with your issues, but not all the time, and you have to talk about it in an effecient way that actually solves the problem.

Sometimes, Yes, it is important to just let things go. When we are at the store and he thinks straws in the store are too expensive (even though I am paying for them), that makes no sense to me and annoys me a bit, but I let him pick them up at work for free because obviously that is important to him. Sometimes, there are issues that are too big to let go. Not feeling seen or made a priority is one of the biggest issues a couple can have! So don't let that one go. It is important that he tries to see your point of view. Why can't he spend more (non sexual) time with you? Isn't it important in the ldr church to get to know your fiance's personality before marriage?

My man is not too happy about "being serious "either, so what I usually do is I make deals with him, either on Skype or in person. He promises to listen to me as long as I am quick and to the point, and then we do something fun afterwords. We even once made the deal that I promise not to cry as long as he doesn't give me a reason to cry...! It is very healthy for a couple to have worked their way through some issues. We have done it a lot, to the point that I feel we now trust each other to say /do anything. It turned out, he has had this idea that it is his responsability to keep me happy and free from worry, and felt he failed me if I worried about stuff, wheras I really wanted the good AND bad and felt seriously left out when he kept bad news from me etc. So it can be lots of silly misunderstandings like that.