She cheated on me

[Snj2014]

Hey all, I apologize in advance for such a long post. My girlfriend went on a cruise and was gone for a week, and during that week of no contact she ended up kissing another guy. We've been dating for 4.5 months and have been talking for the past year. I told her I have no tolerance for cheating yet she still did it, claiming "she felt physically lonely" and was "imagining it was me until she opened her eyes and realized the mistake she made" she has plans to visit me towards the end of the month but I'm not sure if I should break up with her or wait until I get to see her? And when I do see her I'm afraid emotional connections will rise again and we'll try getting back together. I'm just really torn between this right now and help would be appreciated

[R&R]

I have no tolerance for cheating yet she still did it

You have posted many threads about this relationship. Pretty much it comes down to what you said - you have no tolerance for it. Yes, some relationships have ups and downs but the amount of issues you are having - and only being 18 - let it go and move forward. No one of any age deserves to be cheated on and I don't give a damn what the reason was. Tell her it's over, delete her numbers, block her and find someone you can trust.

[differentcountries]

Look at the overall relationship. Is she the girl of your dreams why made a mistake she will not repeat, or was this the last nail in the coffin of your relationship?

[Snj2014]

I feel as though she's the girl of my dreams and she said the same for me being the guy of her dreams and that she couldn't imagine anyone better. The thing is, ever since she got back she decides to tell me she feels as though our relationship isn't going to work out and how she thinks she wants to go to school somewhere other than than the US. Which makes me feel as though all this she was saying was a cover up for the fact that she cheated hoping I would eventually get it out of her (which I did)

[R&R]

If you are with someone who is the man of your dreams - you DON'T cheat. I don't care what the circumstances are. She's telling you it isn't going to work out, she cheated on you and that she doesn't want to come here. If I had someone telling me all these things and then they cheated on me too - it would be over in a heartbeat.

[Snj2014]

How do you suppose I manage her coming to visit at the end of the month? It's clear we're going to have feelings for each other despite the break up. We were sexually active in July when I saw her last and I've told her no matter what happens I still want to be able to see her. But this was before she admitted to this

[R&R]

Having been cheated on before, I have no tolerance for it. If I was in your shoes, I'd tell her not to bother to come. If she was coming for other reasons than to see you, then she can still do that but leave you out of the equation.

When she cheated, she made a deliberate choice. These are the consequences of her actions. I wouldn't care if the flight and hotel, etc were non-refundable either. I'm really not cold - I just don't think anyone should have to put up with someone who has so little respect for the person they in a relationship with.

[Noodle]

Yeah, staying together because of an upcoming visit isn't a valid reason. If her reason for kissing the guy was because she was physically lonely, then she is not cut out to be in a long distance relationship, because that is definitely something that has to be dealt with.

No tolerance means no tolerance. Don't feel bad for something she did....she made her bed, let her lie in it.

Best of luck to you.

[whatruckus]

I agree with everyone else, and don't really have much to add. Basically, she's been giving you little hints and clues that she's not cut out for this and she can't be faithful to you. If she knows that you have no tolerance for cheating, yet did it anyway because she was "physically lonely", that's a bunch of BS. You know how many times my SO and I have been "physically lonely"? He goes out and drinks with his friends all the time, even when he's drunk, he doesn't go out and make out with someone else. Even when you're drunk, or when you're lonely, you know EXACTLY what you're doing. Those are just excuses people use to get their way back in.

Forget her visit and tell her that too. Just because you have a visit planned doesn't mean you can forget what she did. I'm definitely with R&R and Noodle on that part. If it is non-refundable, she dug her own grave with that one and she can take the hit with the money loss. Cheating is a choice.

[Snj2014]

Well, I did it. And honestly i don't know how I feel about it. She said she talked to her parents and she said they can't believe how much I'm overreacting and "They said if kissing some guy was cheating and everybody reacted like you did, then 90% of people would be divorced"

[Miasmata]

Feeling physically lonely is a valid feeling to have, but it doesn't excuse any kind of terrible behaviour. When you feel like that, you either suck it up, hug a friend/plushie/pet or get into an open relationship with someone consensually. She was dishonest and made up excuses for her mistake. Owning up to something and being trustworthy looks different.

Glad you made the decision that was right for you, Snj. Shame it had to come to this, but you did what you had to. You deserve to find someone who you can trust.

She said she talked to her parents and she said they can't believe how much I'm overreacting and "They said if kissing some guy was cheating and everybody reacted like you did, then 90% of people would be divorced"

Cultural differences or not, as long as both partners haven't agreed to being open and allowing kissing others, it's cheating. Willingly doing something that you know is going hurt your partner and violate their trust is terrible, no matter how you slice it. Let her parents talk, they're irrelevant to you and your decision.

[whatruckus]

Feeling physically lonely is a valid feeling to have, but it doesn't excuse any kind of terrible behaviour. When you feel like that, you either suck it up, hug a friend/plushie/pet or get into an open relationship with someone consensually. She was dishonest and made up excuses for her mistake. Owning up to something and being trustworthy looks different.

Glad you made the decision that was right for you, Snj. Shame it had to come to this, but you did what you had to. You deserve to find someone who you can trust.



Cultural differences or not, as long as both partners haven't agreed to being open and allowing kissing others, it's cheating. Willingly doing something that you know is going hurt your partner and violate their trust is terrible, no matter how you slice it. Let her parents talk, they're irrelevant to you and your decision.

Yep, yep!!!!

[R&R]

You only have her word what that's what her parents said and she hasn't exactly been honest with you to begin with. And if they did, well I guess we can see where she learned her behavior from (still no excuse). If my SO ran into a good, long-time friend and gave her a kiss on the cheek when we saw her, I'd be okay with that. A romantic kiss because he was physically lonely - we're done.

You have plenty of dating ahead of you. Take your time. Figure out what you really want and stand by you will and won't accept in a relationship. I truly believe you did the right thing and there is someone out there who is going to treat you right, respect you and respect your relationship.

[aniay]

Being the one that cheated in previous relationship. There is no excuse. Loneliness is not one and I don't think ANYONE ever thinks about the person they are cheating on.
Also you are not overreacting,you are acting up on your beliefs and values, even if she has different point of view, she should respect yours. I'm sorry it happened to you, but I admire your decision making skills. Good luck and stay strong..

[snow]

Even if her parents think you overreacted, it is not their relationship. You two make the boundaries and if she oversteps then you have to decide what you do.
If my man kissed another woman just because he felt lonely, I'd feel betrayed and I'd definitely count that as cheating.