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Is it the right thing to get him back?

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    #1

    Is it the right thing to get him back?

    My bf courted me 5 years ago before i went abroad, we stayed together for 6months and was very happy. He made me feel very special and a priority. I really refused to be together that time since i know im going abroad anyway but he cried and beg for me to stay. I like him so i stayed.during the time we were together, Thats the time i felt what love really means. We've been on LDR for almost 3 years. During that tym, we have poor communication. My bf is medicine student so he is busy. I had been very lonely since he doesn't talk to me that much and it feels like im not important to him. So we broke up because im involved with a fling. I tried to talk to my bf but he's still mad. I've been trying to talk to him few times in a month to see whether he's not busy and say hello. We're okay i guess but it took me 2 years to ask him again if we could get back together. He told me that he wants to make sure if he feels the same way as before for me. The sad part is he is talking to another girl on the phone which he never had met before. And he lied to me about it. I went back to my home country just to talk to him personally. This is my first time coming back and he's surprised to see me. I stayed with him for 2 weeks and we got back together. He told me he still likes me. When i went back abroad, we're okay but communication wise, he doesn't txt that much even he have means. He tried to break up with me once but as for now, he never tried again.

    My question is. Is it right to get him back again after all that happened because i really love him. The loneliness and missing feeling i have before comes back again since he doesnt think of me in a day. And because now, he hav somebody that he talks to but he told me he doesnt txt her anymore. Im not sure why i still love him and i can't move on. I won't be giving up but im confused if i did the right thing. I joined this forum maybe somebody can help me and give some optimism. Thanks in advance

    Its just so unfair for him to always leave me hanging on the cliff. Its not even my choice to be together in the first place 5 years ago. He's the one that pushed the relationship and now he doesn't fulfill his duties as a partner. I need some rational encouraging words and opinion please
    Last edited by Emptyheart03; December 5, 2014, 11:58 PM.
    Tags: busy, international, student doctor
    #2
    You will get nowhere by phrazing your needs in terms of his duties. Especially since it seems obvious that you never really found a workable way to stay in touch over the distance. Do you use Skype? Phone apps? Facebook? Phone calls? There are lots of ways to stay in touch and none more right than the other.
    I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
    - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



    "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

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      #3
      You say that he pushed the relationship, and that you don't feel like he communicates enough. I'll be so blunt and ask: Why do you want to go back? What would you get out of it?

      ~
      It'll take a lot more than words and guns
      A whole lot more than riches and muscle
      The hands of the many must join as one
      And together we'll cross the river

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        #4
        Originally posted by Emptyheart03 View Post
        Its not even my choice to be together in the first place 5 years ago. He's the one that pushed the relationship
        Originally posted by Emptyheart03 View Post
        He tried to break up with me once but as for now, he never tried again.
        Honestly, it doesn't sound like either of you were in the same place emotionally at the same time. He wanted a relationship and you didn't but you did it anyway. Then you wanted it - he didn't and looks like he stayed because you wanted it.

        Originally posted by Emptyheart03 View Post
        So we broke up because im involved with a fling.
        Originally posted by Emptyheart03 View Post
        The sad part is he is talking to another girl on the phone which he never had met before.
        You cheated, he started talking with someone else. He did it while you were not a couple, so he did nothing wrong and there was no reason for him to tell you.

        You need to let go and move on. This relationship has been dysfunctional from the beginning. He's tried to break up with you once. He's told you that he feels communication with you isn't that important. He's told you he wants to make sure he feels the same way he did before but his actions and words are showing you that it's not what he wants. IMHO, I believe you want too much from someone who doesn't have the time or desire to provide for your wants. Let him move on with his life and schooling and you move forward with yours.
        To those who dream, nothing is ever far away.

        ​Distance is to love as wind is to fire. It blows out the little ones and fans the big ones.

        Comment

          #5
          This is very confusing, but from what I gather you two do not want the same things out of a relationship. Time to move on...

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