never again

[somewhereinbetween]

We sorted out our problems, at least I thought so. I decided to book a surprise flight for the holidays. Got on Skype and shared the news with him, and he said he couldn't do it. He couldn't make it real. Tried my best to convince him everything would be fine, although at this point I was freaking out myself. Everything is booked, flight and hotel, reaction didn't change. Asked if he would be there at the airport? Said he wouldn't. Asked if he would just ignore or abandon me, said he wouldn't be there...

Managed to cancel the flight and should get my money back.

Out $1,200 for a hotel through price line.

Says he will get the money back to me next week.

I hate myself for trusting someone. I will NEVER be in something long distance and hell, maybe even close distance, again.

[snow_girl]

Sorry to hear that. Don't be surprised if he doesn't pay you anything for the hotel though.

[somewhereinbetween]

Oh, I'm not counting on it. To be honest I almost regret canceling the flight. If it weren't international and I wouldn't feel like a stranger in a foreign land I would have gone and just made his life miserable, showed his family and friends what kind of human being he is.

[differentcountries]

The kind that doesn't like surprises?

[snow_girl]

I don't think him trekking you that you coming wasn't a good idea makes him a bad person, I'm sorry that happened but better for him to tell you than lie to you. It's just unfortunate you booked a flight before he told you.

[somewhereinbetween]

Count my blessings that he was honest enough to tell me he was going to abandon me if I did show up. Yeah, better to be out the money that panicked over being left on my own in a strange country. *sigh*. I should really know better at my age.

[Unicorn26]

I'm so sorry to hear this. What an absolute scumbag. Makes you wonder the reasons why and whether he told you the truth about anything.

I'm really sorry, you must be going through hell now with a load of unanswered questions. I'm always baffled why American girls get involved with British men, no offense to any of the British men on here but in my experience they tend to be either players or very reserved, closed off and unwilling to discuss their feelings. The complete opposite of American men. Or maybe I just hit the jackpot with my SO...

It sounds like you had a lucky escape. Chalk it down to experience. There is someone out there for you, he will come along when you least expect it. For now, heal, recover, love yourself and be good to yourself. Hugs to you xxx

[snow]

I'm so sorry to hear this. What an absolute scumbag. Makes you wonder the reasons why and whether he told you the truth about anything.

I'm really sorry, you must be going through hell now with a load of unanswered questions. I'm always baffled why American girls get involved with British men, no offense to any of the British men on here but in my experience they tend to be either players or very reserved, closed off and unwilling to discuss their feelings. The complete opposite of American men. Or maybe I just hit the jackpot with my SO...

It sounds like you had a lucky escape. Chalk it down to experience. There is someone out there for you, he will come along when you least expect it. For now, heal, recover, love yourself and be good to yourself. Hugs to you xxx

Woah calm down. No reason to call him a scumbag. She was going to surprise him, he said he wouldn't be there. I mean, of course we don't know the full story, but surprise visits are not for everyone, especially if you haven't met before.

Also, not all British men are bad men. There is good and bad American men too. Depends what you are looking for.

To the OP: I am sorry you had to cancel your flight and lost a lot of money. Try to look at this as a learning opportunity and learn a lesson

[Unicorn26]

I didn't say all British men are bad, I said in my experience. Believe me, good British men are very few and far between. I'm sure there are equally horrible American men out there too, it's just that every American I've ever met (male and female) have all been absolutely lovely. I don't think it's coincidence that all my close friends are in relationships with men from other countries, Poland, Italy, Spain, USA, Czech Republic to name a few. We are all strong independent women not afraid to take initiative or make the first move and in our combined experiences, British men find that really intimidating where as other cultures see it as an attractive trait. None of us would ever entertain the idea of being with a British man again. Same old story again and again. No thanks! I'd rather be alone and that's the truth.

I think to be in a relationship for 17 months and for him to say he wouldn't be there for her is pretty disgraceful. My SO would be there like a shot. It just sounds like a very familiar story. Promise the world but when it comes down to it, nothing materialises. All that emotional investment and no proper explanation either? That's pretty low. My opinion of him remains the same.

[Alle1770]

I didn't say all British men are bad, I said in my experience. Believe me, good British men are very few and far between. I'm sure there are equally horrible American men out there too, it's just that every American I've ever met (male and female) have all been absolutely lovely. I don't think it's coincidence that all my close friends are in relationships with men from other countries, Poland, Italy, Spain, USA, Czech Republic to name a few. We are all strong independent women not afraid to take initiative or make the first move and in our combined experiences, British men find that really intimidating where as other cultures see it as an attractive trait. None of us would ever entertain the idea of being with a British man again. Same old story again and again. No thanks! I'd rather be alone and that's the truth.

I think to be in a relationship for 17 months and for him to say he wouldn't be there for her is pretty disgraceful. My SO would be there like a shot. It just sounds like a very familiar story. Promise the world but when it comes down to it, nothing materialises. All that emotional investment and no proper explanation either? That's pretty low. My opinion of him remains the same.

That's funny, I've had the complete opposite experience. I've met a bunch of wonderful British men, but very few American. Does that mean good American guys are hard to come across? Not really. I just haven't met them.

To the OP: I'm sorry to hear what happened As you say though, maybe it was better finding out this way rather than being abandoned in a country you've never been to.

[sweetshay]

Sometimes surprises just don't work out. I don't understand what you meant by "couldn't make it real" but did he give you an actual reason why he wouldn't show up? Did he say, "I can't do it now but I can do it some other time?" I ask because maybe the timing wasn't ideal. When I was still in college a surprise visit might have been really bad cause it would be a big distraction for me.

I know you're hurt right now, and sometimes it is really best just to be single, take a breather for a while, and focus on you. But you know what they say, never say never. You just need to give yourself time to heal. Forgiveness is a great way to move on and release stress and hurt off of yourself. You can make it through, you seem like a sweet and thoughtful person and someone will realize that and appreciate it a lot someday.

[differentcountries]

Maybe this can be a lesson for all the people out there who think they can bridge relationship by "surprises" of this kind. Unless you know for a fact that your loved one is into getting surprised this way (and maybe have made arrangements with the other person's friends and family), booking and prepaying a visit without consulting with your SO can come out as rude. Many people like to have a say in what is going to happen. Surprises of this kind may come out as "I don't care what you have planned, I expect you to cancel all other engagements on the dates that I chose". I know you probably meant well, but there are lots of us who are not into having a visit dumped into our lap, even by loved ones. I would probably panick if something happened to me, I mean I would be happy but I would have preffered to known forhand and also be consulted.

I am sorry whatever disagreements resulted in a break-up. It seems like an unneccesarily strong reaction towards your impulsivity. Maybe it was for the best if your differences were too big? Best wishes towards getting your money back.

[Petals]

OP, I'm sorry this happened to you ((hugs)).

A first meeting should never be a surprise visit. There's so much pressure surrounding that first meeting that it is very important that both people are prepared mentally. I remember you posting about difficulties in finding the time to meet. I thought there was an agreement for January? He probably felt pressured.

What exactly was his response? What is meant by can't make it real? Was he referring to the relationship or that visit?

[somewhereinbetween]

I didn't say all British men are bad, I said in my experience. Believe me, good British men are very few and far between. I'm sure there are equally horrible American men out there too, it's just that every American I've ever met (male and female) have all been absolutely lovely. I don't think it's coincidence that all my close friends are in relationships with men from other countries, Poland, Italy, Spain, USA, Czech Republic to name a few. We are all strong independent women not afraid to take initiative or make the first move and in our combined experiences, British men find that really intimidating where as other cultures see it as an attractive trait. None of us would ever entertain the idea of being with a British man again. Same old story again and again. No thanks! I'd rather be alone and that's the truth.

I'm not offended by anyone calling him a scumbag because in my head I scumbag isn't the worst thing I've thought. I will agree with a lot of this, and what you posted earlier about British men being reserved and not willing to talk about their feelings. He was both of those things. Not to say I'm incredibly in touch with my feelings and some sort of 'wild American woman', but there's an obvious difference. The woman who did my hair for the last 6 years met a man from England, they got married here in the states, and she recently moved to the UK with him. We use to talk about the differences, this coming from her and her experience with her husband....she told me her husband was afraid to come over for the first time. Just all the bad stories people here about America, how 'big' everything is, a faster pace of life, etc. I just know I am more a leader and not a follower, I'm usually willing to take risks, to put myself out there, to take the steering wheel of my own life. And it seems like he's fearful, and is just a passerby.

[0897klpq]

I am very sorry to hear this happened that really sucks, especially to lose all That money.

What kind of hotel did you book? I actually work in the lodging industry and have great first hands experience with Booking.com (sister company of priceline)

They have certain rooms that are %100 nonrefundable, then you are SOL. Why aren't they able to refund the hotel? It's strange because from my experience it is impossible to get money back for flights. You could always contact the hotel and ask of there is something they can work out, %50 at least or they can charge you 1 day? Maybe you can dispute it with your credit card company.