On a break

[sameboip]

My girlfriend has just decided that she wants us to have a break. We have been going out for nearly 5 months now and been in an LDR for just over a month. But already she wants a break as she said she is not happy as we have argued a few times in the last week and haven't got to speak that much. She will only be away until December and we planned to see each other every three weeks roughly. She said that she feels like we don't WANT to talk to each other enough and she wants me to WANT to talk to her. But the thing is I do, but sometimes I don't show this and I know this is why she gets that impression.
One of the arguments was when my friends were all going round someone's house for a night and we had planned to talk. But I didn't want to miss out on my friends as I do sometimes. I spoke to her for a few minutes on skype and she said it was okay and we could skype in the afternoon the next day. We tried to skype later, as I wanted to say goodnight, but my friend didn't have a mic on his laptop so I couldn't talk just IM and she got annoyed again about saying that she wants me to WANT to talk to her. She said if I cared then I would have gone home, about half hour away btw, and skyped her and then I could have gone back. All the time we argued, I missed out on my friends anyway and it was just pointless as she couldn't be convinced by me that I do want to talk to her. The next day she said that she just wanted to forget about it all and start over, but then last night she decided she wanted a break after talking to a friend and texted me a 2.30 in the morning.
I don't know whether I want to be with her because she is so hard to please sometimes. She always seems to find something that I'm doing wrong in the relationship. I still want to be with her though and I don't know why because I can recall more bad memories than good with her. That might just be because I'm upset at the moment.
If I can get any perspective please let me know what you think. Sorry I haven't really structured this, I have just typed it as it comes to my head.

[LadyMarchHare]

Going from CD to LD takes adjusting, often times the first month or so is the hardest with bickering, hurt feelings, and sense of loss. I think this is the case with you both along with a lack of communication as now you don't have body language or sometimes even tone of voice to fill in what your words don't cover. Your girlfriend sounds like she misses having your undivided attention and she has to learn that it's not the same anymore. If she's being nitpicky and you feel there's more negatives than positives about her, then the break is needed. When you're calm, do a pros and cons list of being with her, then see which list is longer after a day or so. You might also try writing down what's bothering you about her and the relationship and see if you can come up with solutions to them or most of them and if they require you two working together.

[Silviar]

It sounds to me like you're both having a hard time adjusting to LDR after being CD. I think there needs to be some understanding and flexibility on both of your ends. She shouldn't get annoyed for things you can't help, like your friend not having a microphone.

At the same time, if you feel she's asking too much of you, then maybe it is best you stay apart after the break. I don't know you both in real life, so I can't comment specifically on the he said/she said aspect of her finding things wrong, but I do know that sometimes people speak different languages, and maybe she thinks she's expressing to you things she wants and needs in the relationship, whereas you feel like she's telling you you're doing something wrong. Or maybe she is attacking you, and either she's not understanding how much her words hurt or she's blunt and a little rude.

I would take the two weeks to explore not only what you want for yourself, but thinking about if there are things you guys can work on together as a team. LDR's really help in developing a couple's communication.

[leonina]

My first month apart in this LD relationship was really hard too. We always fought and talking was/is never enough. When you say that you have more negative memories than positive it is a huge red flag: something is wrong! If it was like that before you became LD then it's definitely not good, if that thought only started cropping up now it's probably because you just need some time to adjust to the situation. I thought so many negative things the first couple months and convinced myself that I could barely remember my boyfriend. It nearly tore us apart.

See if you can convince her to hang on for a little while more.

[sameboip]

I think that I was just a little upset this morning as I didn't really sleep and was just in a bad frame of mind. It is still a shock, but there are lots of good aspects to our relationship. I think I will take this time to consider how we can work out our problems.
I think we both just need a bit more time to adjust; when we first started going out we were at university together and saw each other everyday which was amazing. So I think the fact that we haven't got that now is a big shock for both of us.
I think that I may take some of the things she says the wrong way sometimes, she is quite open about any issues she has and sometimes I forget that she is just trying to make the relationship as good as it can be, and to make sure we are both happy.
We used to be very close friends before we began our relationship and whatever happens I would like to keep her in my life because she is very important to me.
Thanks for the advice girls (I assume you are, from the names), it has given me a much needed perspective.

I was also wondering, from your point of view, what to say next time I contact her? (we said we would do so next week) i.e. should I small talk? or get straight to talking about us?

[annamorgan]

She sounds like me haha (that's not good!) cause I can be very hard to please. Me and my SO were together and it's been over a month for our LDR too. So she probably has the same problem I do: she's having a hard time adjusting to the distance and it stresses her out/upsets her, so she gets easily agitated and annoyed over little things. Maybe she needs some space to relax. Just wait for her to talk to you and then ask her how she feels.

[paulawriteslove]

It sounds like you two are having a hard time adjusting the the long distance. I think that when you talk to her you should ask her what you both could do to make the distance better on each other.