My boyfriend and I have been together one year and five months. I am 32, and he is 29. We are just two hours apart. (I wonder how many people on this forum have an "LDR" that's only two hours apart, because it seems the majority are states or countries away from each other??) Even though he & I see each other regularly, it is frustrating for both of us that we cannot see each other more often. We are very much in love, I am grateful for what time we do have together.
Basically, we see each other on the weekends. We try our best to swap places every other weekend. That doesn't always happen, depending on events but I think we do a pretty good job. We try to text each other during the week, and sometimes skype. However, as our relationship has progressed it seems as though that talking during the week has diminished some. We had some issues around our one year anniversary, and almost broke up. Yet we have since both started working on resolving our issues and things have gotten better than ever.
However, this weekend I felt as though some frustrations with the distance and time came to a head, and we got into an argument last night. This past weekend, I was sick with a cold, and really didn't have the energy to drive two hours to see him after work on Friday evening. He understood and I made plans to go up there on Saturday afternoon because we had his work Christmas party that evening. Well, everything was going very well, even though I was still feeling a little run down from the cold. On Sunday nights, I usually stay there and wake up super early (between 4:30 & 5) to make it to work for 7:30. However, I knew I needed more rest than usual so I mentioned that I would probably just head home Sunday evening instead to get the rest I needed. After seeing a movie Sunday afternoon, neither of us really wanted to part from each other. I decided to sacrifice a little, and stay that night just hoping I would get enough rest. Once we got home, I knew I needed to shower and get my things together so I wouldn't have to rush the next morning. This took me about 45 minutes - an hour. I'm not going to lie, I am a bit slow when it comes to getting ready for events or even just showering and primping. I know this bothers him a little, but I didn't really know how much. I figured he had just gotten used to it by now. When I got out, he started complaining that it was almost time to go to bed (8:00) and now so much time was wasted that could have been spent with me. I asked him what exactly he expected of me, and he said he just felt like he was always waiting on me. I told him I was sorry and that he knew it took me a long time to do things, and I felt like we do spend enough time together. He kept reiterating that every time he is with me, I always have something else I am needing to take care of before we can sit down and enjoy each other's company.
I got pretty upset because I feel like almost every weekend, I am spending every waking (and sleeping) moment I can with him. Not only that, the 3-4 hours I have free during the week after work, I am just barely getting in my gym time, house cleaning, and time with the friends I don't always see when I am with him. I absolutely love him and want to spend this time with him, but if I can't take a couple of hours to myself to get ready for the day or do what personal chores I need to do for myself, when is it going to get done? I also already have my own issues with time management that I feel I am trying my hardest to the best I can, but I still feel like it's never enough for anyone. And now he is telling me it is aggravating him, and it feels kind of suffocating and demanding. I guess because all I want to do is make him happy and I feel like if I can't meet this expectation, I am not making him happy enough. I cried about it, and he told me to stop dwelling on it, but he's the one who brought it up.
I feel to genuinely get more time together than we do now, there would need to be a higher commitment. Like one of us moving... And if we move in together I would like to be engaged. And yet, when I bring up moving or marriage he gets a little freaked out. He tells me he wants to marry me, but not yet. And then when I start backing off on marriage talk, he thinks there isn't enough time between us. And I personally do not want to move until I have a certainty that this is going to last a lifetime. I want this to work out, so I am committed to it, but why do I feel like two hours is this huge thing in our lives? Am I being too selfish with time management? Does anyone know how I feel or can give any advice to this?
Basically, we see each other on the weekends. We try our best to swap places every other weekend. That doesn't always happen, depending on events but I think we do a pretty good job. We try to text each other during the week, and sometimes skype. However, as our relationship has progressed it seems as though that talking during the week has diminished some. We had some issues around our one year anniversary, and almost broke up. Yet we have since both started working on resolving our issues and things have gotten better than ever.
However, this weekend I felt as though some frustrations with the distance and time came to a head, and we got into an argument last night. This past weekend, I was sick with a cold, and really didn't have the energy to drive two hours to see him after work on Friday evening. He understood and I made plans to go up there on Saturday afternoon because we had his work Christmas party that evening. Well, everything was going very well, even though I was still feeling a little run down from the cold. On Sunday nights, I usually stay there and wake up super early (between 4:30 & 5) to make it to work for 7:30. However, I knew I needed more rest than usual so I mentioned that I would probably just head home Sunday evening instead to get the rest I needed. After seeing a movie Sunday afternoon, neither of us really wanted to part from each other. I decided to sacrifice a little, and stay that night just hoping I would get enough rest. Once we got home, I knew I needed to shower and get my things together so I wouldn't have to rush the next morning. This took me about 45 minutes - an hour. I'm not going to lie, I am a bit slow when it comes to getting ready for events or even just showering and primping. I know this bothers him a little, but I didn't really know how much. I figured he had just gotten used to it by now. When I got out, he started complaining that it was almost time to go to bed (8:00) and now so much time was wasted that could have been spent with me. I asked him what exactly he expected of me, and he said he just felt like he was always waiting on me. I told him I was sorry and that he knew it took me a long time to do things, and I felt like we do spend enough time together. He kept reiterating that every time he is with me, I always have something else I am needing to take care of before we can sit down and enjoy each other's company.
I got pretty upset because I feel like almost every weekend, I am spending every waking (and sleeping) moment I can with him. Not only that, the 3-4 hours I have free during the week after work, I am just barely getting in my gym time, house cleaning, and time with the friends I don't always see when I am with him. I absolutely love him and want to spend this time with him, but if I can't take a couple of hours to myself to get ready for the day or do what personal chores I need to do for myself, when is it going to get done? I also already have my own issues with time management that I feel I am trying my hardest to the best I can, but I still feel like it's never enough for anyone. And now he is telling me it is aggravating him, and it feels kind of suffocating and demanding. I guess because all I want to do is make him happy and I feel like if I can't meet this expectation, I am not making him happy enough. I cried about it, and he told me to stop dwelling on it, but he's the one who brought it up.
I feel to genuinely get more time together than we do now, there would need to be a higher commitment. Like one of us moving... And if we move in together I would like to be engaged. And yet, when I bring up moving or marriage he gets a little freaked out. He tells me he wants to marry me, but not yet. And then when I start backing off on marriage talk, he thinks there isn't enough time between us. And I personally do not want to move until I have a certainty that this is going to last a lifetime. I want this to work out, so I am committed to it, but why do I feel like two hours is this huge thing in our lives? Am I being too selfish with time management? Does anyone know how I feel or can give any advice to this?
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