How often do you fight?

[lovingthealien]

I don't mean little disagreements, I mean full-on fights where you totally lose your cool and let your anger and/or sadness completely take over you. How often do you guys have them, and how long does it usually take for your relationship to fully recover?

My boyfriend and I have them once a month or so (sometimes more). We'll usually resolve it within a day and go back to talking like nothing happened, but every time we fight it seems to take my heart nearly a week to fully recover:/

[whatruckus]

Eh, maybe once every couple months. Usually it's because I overthink things. It takes us a day, or right away, to be okay.

[Miasmata]

Fights of that magnitude? About every 4-5 weeks, give or take. My SO has some temper issues and I'm very outspoken about my opinions, so sometimes we rile each other up over a misunderstanding or similiar. We've always cleared it up within a few hours, though. We both flare up quickly, but also simmer down quickly too. And as we get to know each other better and better, and my SO is getting better about his temper, these things are starting to happen less.

[80anthea]

We still haven't had what I'd call a fight, we tend to talk things through before they get to the fight stage.

[differentcountries]

We only ever had one real fight, and that was during our first month as a couple. We fought over planning my first visit to him. I said some things I deeply regret. Not because what I said was so horrible, but because it was deeply disturbing to see him that upset. We made a deal to never fight over text again.

Most of our sort of fights are in person. Last time we had an issue though, it was over Skype. He had never seen me extremely tired and it scared him a bit, so he said something stupid about it that hurt my feelings. Still that was more like an aftermath of something that happened in person.

He can be a bit passive aggressive, and sometimes there has been misunderstandings. Usually I will work myself up to anger about something he did and then I will quickly just cry like a little girl, and then he will take care of me, and we don't fight, and we figure out the matter. He says he doesn't like tears but really I think he does! We say that we always learn something about us from it. That happens every 2 months or so.

Sometimes my husband is a mediator in our disagreements. He usually takes my boyfriend's side, and will say stuff like, he doesn't really mean to hurt you, look at it from his side, you have to forgive him etc. My boyfriend is exactly the same if I fight with my husband. I hear it is common in some poly relationships to be, like, the minority in your own fights

[dizzyupthemeg]

It depends if we are CD or LD. I'm not ashamed to admit that we suck as a LD couple. We both struggle to make time for the other, communication just goes out the window, and in general we are cranky people at the time. Fights happen under those circumstances. I would say once a month or so when we are LD, but they are resolved quickly. We've only ever had 1 real giant argument CD, and that was while we were trying to get through a visa application.

[Unicorn26]

I would say we have disagreements about once a month or so. It's usually when I overthink and he's overtired. It's usually my insecurities that cause it although recently he misread a text and totally flew off the handle because he was way overtired, sick and crabby.

We had one major fight in the early days, we didn't speak for almost a week and it was horrible. I was very upset and so was he.

Now, if I sense he's crabby I just give him some space. But if it does escalate, it upsets me greatly and it usually takes 2 or 3 days before I can hear his voice or see his face otherwise I just cry.

[Ahava]

I don't think we have had a real fight like that...well there is still time
Disagreements yes, but even them...eh not that often. Neither of us has the need to be right or have the last say.
Misunderstandings a couple times a year, the kind where I manage to get hurt and have a good cry and then we resolve the thing.

[lucybelle]

Never.

[lyonsgirl]

We haven't ever fought like that.

[R&R]

Since we've been back together (13 months), we've only had one knock down, drag out fight. It was while he was here and started out in initial silence, then to raised voices, tears on my end and then finally calmly talking about it and make up sex lol.

Most of our minor disagreements are all when we are trying to figure out trips of him coming to see me. I have to plan, take vacation time, etc. He is more someone who would be calling me in the morning and saying "I'm on my way". I get upset if we make plans and the his work or something interrupts and he can't make it and a small tiff ensues.

**I should probably specify the raised voices were not screaming and yelling....just louder than normal. I've never been one to have a yelling match with anyone. It was definitely a heated discussion/argument but it ended up clearing the air on something.

[snow]

I'm with lyonsgirl and lucybelle, we have never had a fight like that.

[rhabdoviridae]

We've also never had a fight like that. We've had more serious things we've disagreed over than others, but it isn't our way to raise our voices at each other, or say mean things.

[Sarah96]

We had a really big fight earlier in the year that very easily could've ended the relationship... and I think that was the biggest argument we've ever had. It happened at night and by the next morning we were fine again, although it was a pretty big fight. We really don't get into arguments like that. 99% of our arguments are misunderstandings because of the way something was said in a text, usually because it's hard to understand the tone through a text. Usually when those happen it takes anywhere from 10 minutes to an hour to get back to normal again. Maybe once a month, but we have gone a few months without it happening, so it varies.

[differentcountries]

I am actually glad we sometimes are not that aligned. It shakes things up. It makes things less dull and we are brought closer through it. We usually never even raise out voices to one another, SO will not always even tell me stuff that displeases him, he even tried in vain to keep from me that the cat got injured. I think seeing me upset and wanting specific things from him, things I know he is not used to give to anyone (he only had one romantic relationship before me and it was more like halfway between an affair and a relationship, with no preperations towards the future). I am usually rational and levelheaded, but if I sometimes get the feeling he doesn't love me or confies in me or prepare for our common future, I feel all lost. I think those moments of feeling lost are very important as to what is and should be important in our relationship. Especially I think it teaches him that even though I am usually very self-sufficient, I need him. And sometimes it teaches him that even though he usually takes care of himself, it bothers me if I can't take part in any pain that he has. We try to hard to be strong all the time, but when I cry in his lap I am in a different place, and then he can be in that place, too.