Settling in for the long wait/family issues

[douglas2275]

I am starting to understand my relationship more, and I can see the issues that me and my SO are going to face.

We put a time on our relationship, we know how we feel about each other. If I were to ask her to marry me today, she would. We both want to spend the rest of our lives with each other.

The thing is, she is only seventeen and does not even graduate HS until the spring of 2016, it would be selfish of me to lock her into marriage at this point, we have not even met in person. I talked to her and because of her family, she can never let them know about our relationship and therefore making it impossible for us to meet in person until she is living on her own. She will be attending college in the fall of 2016 and it is at this time we can meet in person. We have just under two years before we can meet.

At the same time I have run into issues with my family, the have decided that "my relationship was founded in sin, God will not bless us and they would be compromising their morals to support me." Basically, they have threatened to steal my car (their name is on my papers even though i paid for it), kick me out on the street and disable any communication I have (my phone is also in their name), because "they know whats best for me" (btw, i turn 20 in January). So now I am faced with a terrible problem. In order to maintain my relationship I have to move out, but I have no money and no job and im in college (commuting to college). My only way out is to quite college, sell my land (I bought 20 acres of land when I was 12 years old... long story) and use the money to support myself until I can find a job, assuming I can sell the land in this economy. Oh and this all has to happen by the middle of January before they find out I dropped college.

I am really broken and at a loss, there is not much I can do. I am just trying to hold on until I can meet my beautiful Brittaney in person. She is the only thing that makes sense anymore.

[80anthea]

I'll never understand religious attitudes like that, it's immoral for your son to be happy but perfectly okay to threaten and emotionally blackmail people? Makes zero sense.

[R&R]

Do you truly believe that your parents would do that or do you think it's more idle threats in hopes of "keeping you in line" with their beliefs? As a mother, there is pretty much nothing that my children could do that would cause me to disown them like that. Certainly not who they are dating or choose to love.

Your relationship is 4 months old. There is still a lot of growing for both of you in many aspects. I'm not saying love can't be found at your ages (my daughter started dating her fiance when she was 16 and he was 20. I was the only one that knew in either family for awhile). There is still a lot for the two of you to get to know each other before making such life altering decisions as you are considering. I was engaged my senior year of high school and gave up a full scholarship to the college I wanted to attend so I could get married. Needless to say, I didn't get married to him and I never did go to college. Take the time to look at the whole picture before making a decision.

[differentcountries]

I am sorry to hear that you struggle so. Your family seem very weird. It sounds like a good idea to move out and support yourself. Are they from a sect or something? Is there anyone who can help you along the way?

[rhabdoviridae]

I'm of the opinion that moving out on your own, selling your property, quitting your education and looking for a job in a less than ideal economy is a terrible idea. I know you love this girl, and she knows you love her, but if my SO was faced with this decision there is no way I could support it. You're still so young and have so much to lose by dropping everything for this one person. As much as I hate to say it, you're still in the honeymoon phase of this relationship; your brain is sending out chemicals telling you that you're infatuated with this person. And while I'm sure that you love her and have every intention of marrying her, I would hate to see you throw your life away for a relationship of only four months. So much can happen in two years - it can work but it can also end, and if it ends, you're up sht creek without a paddle. Please don't do that to yourself.

I wish I had better advice. I wish there was an easy solution. You could continue to communicate secretly, but two years of a secret relationship would be hell on both of you. Best of luck.

[Sarah96]

I'm of the opinion that moving out on your own, selling your property, quitting your education and looking for a job in a less than ideal economy is a terrible idea. I know you love this girl, and she knows you love her, but if my SO was faced with this decision there is no way I could support it. You're still so young and have so much to lose by dropping everything for this one person. As much as I hate to say it, you're still in the honeymoon phase of this relationship; your brain is sending out chemicals telling you that you're infatuated with this person. And while I'm sure that you love her and have every intention of marrying her, I would hate to see you throw your life away for a relationship of only four months. So much can happen in two years - it can work but it can also end, and if it ends, you're up sht creek without a paddle. Please don't do that to yourself.

I have to agree with this. I just think all together it's a really bad idea. I almost didn't go to my dream school so that I could go to a local community college and be with my boyfriend sooner. I wasn't even going to go to college at all. Was just going to start working and save money. My boyfriend told me I was crazy and he wouldn't let me do that. He told me that I couldn't be giving up on myself just to be with him, he wouldn't support that. You need to not give up on yourself just for a relationship. Yes you both love each other, and I went through the same thing, I'm sure most people do, but you don't always know how long the relationship will last. If something happens in a year or two and you both realize you don't want to be in a relationship but you gave up your education for her, it will create a lot of resentment. Don't give up on yourself for another person. I'm glad I decided to go to my dream school. Yes it means it could be another 3 years before I get to be with my boyfriend, but I love him and that's okay, I'm more sure about the relationship now. If she is encouraging you to give up your educations and everything else for her, you should question whether or not she really cares about you.

[Ejoriah]

Agreed that you can't just drop everything for someone you're dating, especially when you're both so young and the relationship is still pretty new. I came to Kansas because I fell in love with someone online, and while I could have tried to get bigger scholarships in private universities etc (I sure had the grades for it!) I settled on going to a community college and state school. Now don't get me wrong, I absolutely loved my time there and they are both good quality, and I met awesome people and had awesome experiences along the way, but I could have planned so much better and be in a better situation financially.

Guy and I broke up after about a year of me living with him and his family. I wouldn't have met my current boyfriend, whom I adore, if I hadn't moved for him, so I don't regret my move and dropping everything; but I also acknowledge that I was very lucky that everything fell into place for me. With this current relationship, I haven't limited myself to a particular geographic area just to be with him. I have applied to the grad schools that make sense to me in what I want to study. Our hopes is that we'll move together to wherever my education takes me, but at least I know that if it doesn't work out, I haven't limited myself in my choices and given up on things again, like I did when I was 19.

[douglas2275]

I have a lot to work out, it was good to be able to read everything everyone said though. I need to move out, eventually. I had another talk with my parents and I might take another rout. I will probably go to college part-time instead of full time and drop a class or two. I can get a job and perhaps work towards moving out at a slower rate. And yes, the threats are real, i have seen similar things happen to my brother.

[0897klpq]

Hey buddy I am deeply sorry to hear you have all this trouble and complications.. I agree with what everyone else says, you really seem to care a great deal about this girl, but maybe you should take a step back.

I am agreeing that you shouldn't make any promises until you actually meet each other. From my experience, people are different when you meet them. It's a shame you have to wait so long before you meet each other so until then, you should be focusing on yourself and your life. She is young as well and anything can happen in 2 years, but at the same time, 2 years will go by faster than you think.

Just relax and enjoy the life you have now. When you get older things will suck more and more so enjoy things now

If you quit school and move out and sell all your land in order to maintain the relationship it won't change anything if you can only meet when starts college.

Some wise words from my grandfather - "Nie martw sie na przod, Co bedzie to bedzie"

"Don't worry about the future, what is meant to be is meant to be."

Sometimes people come into your life for certain reasons, some stay for a long time and others just for a moment. Just relax and if it's meant to be you will be together one day.

All the best to you.

[Unicorn26]

First of all, you are a lovely sweet guy. To be willing to give up pretty much everything for a girl you've never met is incredibly sweet and romantic. However, you need to stop and think about the bigger picture.

My personal opinion is that your parents are worried about you ruining your life before it's even started for someone you do never even met. However, I do think the way they are going about this is wrong. You are so young, way too young it be thinking about marriage. Getting married doesn't make everything all ok, far from it. Marriage is hard, it takes a lot of work and if you don't have the education to get a good job, how do you think you guys are going to be able to support yourselves? She isn't talking about throwing everything away and dropping out of college and neither should you. Being a grown up sucks, managing finance etc can put a massive strain on relationships no matter how much you love each other.

2 years will fly by, take your time. For now do what your parents want. If necessary, tell them you and SO have decided to cool it for the minute and take a step back. They don't need to know everything you say to each other.

I don't agree with the way your parents have fine about this, I think their attitude stinks, but this is a really important part of your life. You must concentrate on setting yourself up with a good education etc once you've done that and can be financially independant then you can blow them off for good if that's what you want.

As a parent I can see both sides if this, I've never met my SO and it's unlikely to happen anytime soon because of health issues again, but even though I know my SO and I are very much in love and feel very strongly for each other, we are both guarded and not willing to make unrealistic promises to each other. Once we've met and had that real time together then we can commit fully. It's risky to throw your life away for someone you've never met, sorry of that sounds harsh but it really is the truth, anything could happen.

Saying that, I believe everything happens for a reason. If you're meant to be together, then you will be. Even if that's 2 years down the line. If you love her that much then she will be worth waiting for and honestly, 2 years will fly by I promise you.