Confused, scared, worried. . .

[hunnybunny8381]

His sister is making things worse. It's like she controls him, and now I don't even think he wants to do what our plans were. We were suppose to meet half way somewhere else, rather than where he lives and than here, for my birthday and it's not even happening anymore because she has 'rules' he has to follow. She didn't know our plans, and she texted me and says "I'm sending him back. Can't deal with this bs." but yeah now she found another way to keep him there. I think she brainwashed him. We were planning on moving to where we were gonna meet on my birthday once my health got better. But nope, that ain't even happening because of her.

[Honour]

His sister is making things worse. It's like she controls him, and now I don't even think he wants to do what our plans were. We were suppose to meet half way somewhere else, rather than where he lives and than here, for my birthday and it's not even happening anymore because she has 'rules' he has to follow. She didn't know our plans, and she texted me and says "I'm sending him back. Can't deal with this bs." but yeah now she found another way to keep him there. I think she brainwashed him. We were planning on moving to where we were gonna meet on my birthday once my health got better. But nope, that ain't even happening because of her.

She sounds like a complete idiot. I can't believe he would allow her to do such a thing if he /truly/ has feelings for you. If you love someone, you will do whatever it takes to make things work out, that's just how relationships pan out in the way I've seen them work. I hope things work out for you; I can't offer much advice, as I've never been in this sort of situation before, however I can say that I am also considered "disabled" (Tsch!) due to my health, so if you would like someone to talk to, just to vent, then I'm all ears

[Miasmata]

It's up to him to stand up to his sister, but you can at least encourage him to do so. This is something he has to settle. He's a grown man and can make his own decisions - Unless his sister is his legal guardian or something, she got no rules to impose on him, especially not if it messes with your relationship!

[differentcountries]

Sure, but it sounds like she is maybe supporting him financially, unless he pays for rent with his sister. If he wants to make his own decitions, he should look for another housemate.

I am "disabled" and on partly benifits too (I started getting payed for my 50 % position 4 months ago). Two years from now I was so bad I could not even keep my food and water because of my indegestion problems. I also have other physical issues that kept me from working for a long time. I know I am lucky because the rate of my benifits is quite high, and I have had a lot of people help me, still I would just like to say that even if you feel bad, it doesn't have to be like that for ever. There might be things that can ease your symptoms for both you and SO, and who knows what might happen to your economies over the years.

One of the things I actually learned during my sickness, is to ease my tendency to plan everything in advance. When I met SO, I was still on a 100 % benifits, I was obliged to meet a work councelour every week and tecnically I was not allowed to leave the country without askin social security for permission. SO works full time yet earns very little money. We had no plan for how to meet and certainly not how to close the distance! Planning that first visit (after meeting him on my holiday) was so hard, both with time and money. I certainly could never have imagined that I would find solutions to see him a lot. What really helps me, is to think that we are in this together and that we will learn what we need to know along the way.

You can't go into a LDR planning your whole future the first day. Focus on your contact, and on planning a visit. Then work on taking care of your lifes individually, and that is really what one can do.

[hunnybunny8381]

We've always planned our future together. More or so recently. She doesn't give him money, only food and a place to stay temporarily. He doesn't have money yet, waiting for his EI (employment insurance) to start. I try to change his mind, and not to listen to her, etc, but she always texts me and starts a fight with me when I do that. Then it stresses him out real bad when he knows her and I fight. He's gonna be 34 soon, and she won't let him make his own decisions. If she treats him like that, things won't work out there because he won't be able to keep a job. What I don't understand is, she doesn't get the point of how hard a LDR is. She keeps thinking him and I can just visit each other back and forth for years and years to come. That's not how it works. Well I mean it is, but eventually will have to close the distance. I been trying to explain to her but she just won't listen and it just frustrates me. I repeat it all the time. Well, in text messages. Almost like I was talking to a kid. I actually think a kid would understand what a LDR is more than her. :/

[hunnybunny8381]

Yup, she is an idiot. Met her a few times and at first she was nice and all. But now, I just can't stand her but I do my best to, because I know he doesn't like when her and I fight. If only she could just back away and let us do our thing, not interfere, but yeah, she won't. I know she wants the best for him, I do too, but sometimes she just over does it.

[Miasmata]

Someone can do well for someone else and still let them make their own decisions. She's being seriously overbearing. I sincerely hope your SO looks for his own place once he has money, he deserve to be independent. His sister can still help him, but on his terms, not hers. It's his life!

[hunnybunny8381]

He's been looking online, I think he applied places. Hope someone calls him for interviews soon. I want him to get out of her place, so when I go visit, I can stay at his place rather than hers. So far I'm gonna try to go over there in March if I can come up with the money. I told her I wanted time alone with him, at all times so she better not disturb us.