Fights, Jealousy And Arguments

[p_b82]

What is with all the blocking? Sounds to me like an unhealthy relationship, but you can also just not pick up the phone.

Well some people can be rather persistent, my GF's ex for about 4 months would bombard her with texts. she didn't reply but she still got them.....

I some cases, it can be so much simpler to not even get the call or the text and never have to worry about it again - many of the apps will tell you how many they have trapped, in case you care....

[differentcountries]

Well some people can be rather persistent, my GF's ex for about 4 months would bombard her with texts. she didn't reply but she still got them.....

I some cases, it can be so much simpler to not even get the call or the text and never have to worry about it again - many of the apps will tell you how many they have trapped, in case you care....

In those cases, blocking is called for. But this relationship is not even finished, and still people are acting like they broke up and he stalks her.

[p_b82]

In this case it is for the OP's benefit IMO.

She has stated that fight all the time, and she is left feeling hurt, and she seems not to have the strength of will to just ignore the phone or allow the relationship to end as she has tried to break up a number of times already, so this route would enable her to walk away easier if he can no longer contact her and convince her to stay in an unhappy relationship for a while longer.

If I was in the OP's shoes it is what I would do, and why I suggested it.

[GuineaPunk]

I totally agree with what everyone else has said, but would also like to add that a break up doesn't need to be a joint agreement. In a perfect world everyone would be able to split amicably and see it as for the best. But in this instance it is clear that he is used to emotionally manipulating you, don't let him persuade you. If you want to break up with him, he does not need to agree to it, it is your decision to make.

[DianneBetsy18]

Thank You so much y'all. it gives me a lot of courage to just walk away. i just feel a little doubt that's holding me back. Like some sort of questions like what if he will change? what if he needs me? what's gonna happen to him if im not there to guide him? but at the end of the day i wud end up asking what if nothings change and the same scenario will keep happening. I loved him and I was there for him all thru out. i wanted to help him for i feel like he needs people lile tlme to help h have a straight life. but its tearing me apart to put up with everything he does that hurts me. we were so close and he wud always say what about our plans and promises? he wud say he needs me and all that and it makes me wanna stay. but reading all your advices gives me a better understamding as to what i need to do. i need to be honest tho it is so hard to do this specially this christmas. its horrible to celebrate the holidays like this. regarding the blocked thing. i did hundreds of times but he has my number and he wud make an overseas call or texts me and he wud beg for me to comeback and reminds me how we fought the battle for the past months. den he wud be able to cpnvince me again. im so stupid huh? i wish it ends here this time and i womt go back anymore. please continue to enlighten me and help me do whats best to do.

[Miasmata]

Wanting to help someone is very honorable, but that someone has to WANT the help. You just run yourself ragged trying to support someone who is not putting in the effort themselves.

[differentcountries]

what if he will change? what if he needs me? what's gonna happen to him if im not there to guide him?

If he is not your boyfriend, he is not your problem. End of story.

[whatruckus]

Hi there! Im Dianne, 25 years old. I am currently working in Hong Kong and I met a guy thru facebook about over a year ago. He is from the United States and is only 19. We've been together for over a year and things are just so different now. Things are really hard to handle already. We have been constantly arguing and fighting about so many things. Even the little things we argue. I dont remember the last time but Im sure we werent like this before. He is so cold to me and I felt the need to do the same thing. We both freak out even to an extent where we are already shouting to each other. We have never met yet and I honestly dont know if we will be able to finally meet up nextyear. i am leaving for Canada ina few months and he said he will come and see me. Altho I feel a little doubtful because he's been to jail so many times in the past months and have pending tickets he needs to settle. He did some violations and went to jail several times. He works right now but I am not even sure if he is saving. He lives with his dad or sometimes goes to.his aunts place. Basically he doesnt have his own space yet. I feel so confused now. I feel like I have no future with him. I asked
for a breakup so many times but I always end up staying because he promise me this and that and I jist couldnt leave amymore. I fell in love with him but then I have this doubt in my heart about how my life could be if I ever stay with him. Ive been constantlyhurting and crying because we are always fighting. Please help me. I dont know what else to do. He changed so bad now. He yells at me just message and calls me if he wqnts to. but when i wanna break up he doesnt want to and say its not the best thing tk do if i wanna fix things with him. my desire to change the situation is there but then its just not happening. Also i saw him ln facebook always searching for a particular girl kn a daily basis. he said im his one and only and he loves me only but thats not what i feel. i domt feel him anymore. i feel so
alone. please helpme. He said he changed the lastime because i am nagger demanding and always breaking up everytime.is it really me?

Sorry, but you need to leave this relationship. Sounds like my ex. He'd been to jail quite a few times, always told me I was being a "bitch", that he was going to "change", yea. It never happened. He might've stopped getting locked up, but his mentality never changed. I feel sorry for the girl he left me for, that he married. He has a felony under his belt.

Get out now.

[DianneBetsy18]

I have been dealing with chestpain for the whole day now. When I met him I never knew anything about his jail problems. I found out about it afer two months of us being together. February this ear when he first got to jail while were together. He said it was for misconduct whatsoever. Then his grandma is telling me that he is not good for me. His grandma then told me that he has been to juvinille almost all his life as a teen. I took all that in because I was in love with him and I was hoping I would be able to make him change. He used to be in Texas. and after the first jail scene, he went inside month after month after month. The second charge was he was caught carrying marijuana. the rest he said because of his tickets. Last time he was in jail was in September. After he moved to his dad in Oklahoma hr has never been in jail. I think it was merely because of his upbringing. He grew up with a bad home His mom married an addict who goes to jail almost everyweek. Then later on, his mom left thw stepdad and cheated ran away with another man. His family is so dysfunctional but I would always tell myself I should not let him take the blame or judge him just because his family or parents are like that. He is a lot younger than me and I feel like I am doing a lot of parenting to him. i feel abd see his desire to change and ever since the last time he was jailed he always say he will never go back again and it has never happened since. We just argue too much and Im really unhappy. I just wish things could go back to where we used to be when we were starting. He's been in Oklahoma since September and working his ass off almost the whole week. He works at 5 in the morning until 6 at night. Because of the time difference we only have like 30mins to talk before he gets to work and and he gets really tired after work so I normally send him to bed early so we barely have time togeter. My problem is that on that limited time that we have. we are constantly arguing. He wakes up irritated with me and cold. And expect the argument after he gets out of work again. Thats the routine everyday and night. We argue too much on anything and everything. I try to extend my patience but I also get frustrated and we both fight so bad. Two days ago when I asked for a breakup he was crying so bad and said we could find another way to fix things rather than be apart. he said he loves me so much and im his everything. eveything i wanted to hear. He said giving up is never the solution but I insisted that we part ways. Altho its breaking my heart so bad. I tried to not talk to him. this is thw second day we havent talk. altho he has been sending me voice recordinga of him telling me he loves me and he wants me bavck and he sing to me songs while he is sobbing. I ignore eveything and just keep straight to it. It takes everything in me not to go online and message him and call him. But I always think about him. The last time he said im taking it too far and he still loves me and will wait for me etc. He just disappoints me so much. Like it felt as tho he doesnt have any sense of responsibility. I dont know whether it comes to his age and Im just forcing him too bad to grow when he is still in a phase where he is young and still enjoying things. He has been thru a lot and I saw and I felt he was really happy when I came to his life. LIke I was an angel who guided him to be better then he used to be. Thats why im worried that he would go miserable once im gone. Please tell me Im doing the right thing.

[Miasmata]

He is an adult man. You are talking about him as if he's completely unable to reflect on his life or take care of himself. You say yourself how horrible he is to you. It's very common for controlling people to desperately insist that you absolutely HAVE to stay with them. It's a way to guilttrip you into staying. Don't listen to this kinda nonsense! Before he actually turns himself around, he has no business pursuing a relationship. Stay away from him, seriously.

[ronjaandbirk]

He has been thru a lot and I saw and I felt he was really happy when I came to his life. LIke I was an angel who guided him to be better then he used to be. Thats why im worried that he would go miserable once im gone. Please tell me Im doing the right thing. [/B][/B]

Sometimes a wake up call is better than repeatedly getting people get away with their shit. If you truly made him happy maybe losing you is the best thing that can happen to him, because then he will realise what happens to people that can't man up: they lose good things.
Maybe he'll get worse, maybe he'll get better. You cant know that beforehand and you can't base your decisions on maybes. I personally think the "bad upbringing" excuse is getting really old relly fast. There is tons of people out there who had a bad childhood that do great with thier lives.

I dont know whether it comes to his age and Im just forcing him too bad to grow when he is still in a phase where he is young and still enjoying things.[/B][/B]

I get this way of thinking too. But honestly this would only justify anything if your only problem was that you want hoim to be more mature. being jeuvenile doesnt mean ending up in jail and being abusive towards you. being young, a little irrespnsible and enjoying the wild side doesnt equal being an abusive prick. Someone once told me that if the words and the acts of people dont align, listen to their acts.

You are doing the right thing. dont give in. if he's still trying to contact you in 3 months you can check on if he actually made some changes to his life and take a fresh look at the situation, but until then be good to yourself, get a new hobby, learn a new thing and go out with some friends and PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE have a strict no contact policy towards him.

If it's too hard to stay away from him get a new phone number and block him where you can so you dont have to listen to his pathetic pleas.

[differentcountries]

It may be that you're good for him, but is he good for you? I don't even mean the jail stuff, but the way he is towards you.

[DianneBetsy18]

Thank you so much for helping me get a better understanding About the situation. I cant rili express how glad I am to have people willing to give me an advice about my problem. I know it wud be kind of annoying but I just wanna ask. I broke up with him few days before Christmas. I am so tempted to block him now coz it also breaks my heart to see him online and were not talking. But do I really have to do it now? What about this xmas? Shud i not greet him anymore? Its really something ive been asking myself thousands of times now. Everytime i remember him id go like "how are you ___?"Will I greet you on xmas? Shud I rili just not anythng anymore? And i honestly dont know the answer...its so sad that it has to happen on this time of the year.

[p_b82]

If you can contact him to wish him a Happy Christmas, and you can then ignore any other requests then by all means go for it... you can even put a little note in there saying sorry for the timing but it is for the best, if you felt like it.

It really depends, on how 'tough' you are, and how easily you can walk away, personally, I would cut ties, and not say anything else.... but I can be emotionally cold in that way.

my ex went in my phone (and email) as ignore, once we had sorted our last financial and legal interaction out, and I have done just that after she contacted me about one other thing after that... but I did block her from FB until I was able to not feel the anger, and hurt, of just seeing her name & comments on friend's posts and pictures. I unblocked her about 6 months ago when I was finally properly healed and had moved on.

[itsjen516]

I had a friend who put me threw this same stress. It was horrible ! I went threw 3 years of hell becuase all she did was stress me and I couldn't take it anymore ! I was making my self sick ! I ended up in drs offices and hositptal! That's how sick this friend made me. Finally one day I said "I'm done I'm over your crap and the Way you treat me"
Long story short it took a year for this friend to finally get the memo and it's finally ok again.
Pretty much what I'm saying is I know how you feel and though it's hard to let a person go you gotta do what's safe for you ! And think of your self