Should we take a break? Is she getting bored of me?

[jameshetfieldjr]

Hello people, i'm new here.

So here's my relationship: I live in Asia, she's in UK, i'm 21, and she's 18. We've been together for almost 3 months. We knew eachother on a gaming website, she's had so many problems with her life, so i helped her, and we started falling in love. The first two months, it felt so special, we spent almost everyday just to talk to eachother, we both really thought that we're meant to be together. I didn't have any serious relationship before, so i have extremely strong feelings for her. And she feels the same, cause no one in her life really cares about her, and all her ex boyfriends cheated on her.

But lately, i don't feel her love for me anymore, even when we were still friends she cared about me more. We haven't talked to eachother much lately. I sent her messages everyday but it always took her 2-3 days to answer. Now she just spend her time on xbox live all night to play games and talk her friends. I don't have an xbox, and we live too far away, so i can't talk to her. Few weeks ago, i was depressed cause what happened to me in real life, i asked for her help, and i really needed her. But she ignored me, even lied to me just to avoid me. I was so disappointed, but i asked other for help, and helped myself too, i wanted to get better as soon as possible cause i didn't want her to worry about me. Yesterday, we had a skype date, but she ignored all my skype calls and my messages on facebook and skype. I was really mad, but i couldn't tell her, because something in her life has changed, she has a new therapy and she's on new meds now. So i don't wanna hurt her.

Today we talked. and she told me "I gotta tell you though - I haven't felt the same about you in a while. Especially now.", "It's just I don't feel the same about anyone... Maybe we need to take a break?", but she also said "I don't like anyone, I promise. c:", then i asked her what we should do, cause i still love her, she said "I need to leave this relationship & take a break for a while?", "I don't know. Probably... Im just not good with relationships.", she probably doesn't know what to do. Me neither. But i think i tried too hard, we spent time together too much, and we know eachother to well now, so she got bored of me. I think our "honeymoon phase" is over, and she & i should work together to make it better. idk. I don't want her to feel overwhelmed but i don't want to give up on her. She's on new meds now, many things in her life have changed too, so i think that's why her mind changed.

[differentcountries]

My experience, after two months or so things change. The pace slow down. You have to make more of an effort. Do that, and you will see things between you get new shine and colour. Your honeymoon phase is probably far from over, but you need to slow down and get to know each other in different ways. Perhaps Google 100 questions to ask a lover.

[jameshetfieldjr]

My experience, after two months or so things change. The pace slow down. You have to make more of an effort. Do that, and you will see things between you get new shine and colour. Your honeymoon phase is probably far from over, but you need to slow down and get to know each other in different ways. Perhaps Google 100 questions to ask a lover.

The problem is: she's kinda... emotionally unstable, she even has to use antidepressants everyday now till the therapist tells her to stop. And we can't even talk much, she doesn't think about me much anymore, so she doesn't really care if i leave a message or not. So it's very difficult for me to know exactly how she feels about this, i don't even know if she wants to try, to make it better. I already knew that she got bored of me few weeks ago, cause she didn't care about me and wanted to talk to me, the way she talked to other boys, when she still loved me, she never did/wanted to do that. I feel like she already gave up, but doesn't want to lose me. I just don't know what to do to make her feel love again.

[p_b82]

It sounds to me there is just an imbalance of feelings right now, you are more into her than she is into you.

I'd say slow things down, take a break, become friends again with no other strings or labels, and see if you two can work things out and hit the reset switch.

If she has told you she doesn't love you, and still doesn't want to hang out with you as friends then sad as it is to say, it is over; but give it a bit of time there to make sure....

If she really does not reply to you much over the course of days at a time, then you have to ask yourself what are you getting out the relationship - or friendship, as if it were to stay that way, it is pretty badly skewed, and I don't think you are going to be happy in the longer term.....

[jameshetfieldjr]

It sounds to me there is just an imbalance of feelings right now, you are more into her than she is into you.

I'd say slow things down, take a break, become friends again with no other strings or labels, and see if you two can work things out and hit the reset switch.

If she has told you she doesn't love you, and still doesn't want to hang out with you as friends then sad as it is to say, it is over; but give it a bit of time there to make sure....

If she really does not reply to you much over the course of days at a time, then you have to ask yourself what are you getting out the relationship - or friendship, as if it were to stay that way, it is pretty badly skewed, and I don't think you are going to be happy in the longer term.....

I admit that after we started dating, i've been really obsessed with her, like... i think about her everyday, and have to talk to her whenever we can. She did the same to me too. But suddenly, she changed and doesn't want to talk to me as much as she did. Now i have no idea what's in her mind tbh. I asked her about the problem before but she denied it and said she still loved me. I'm glad that she told me the truth today tho. But i still want to know how exactly she feels about me and our relationship.
I want to slow down too but i also want to put more effort. I think we can still be friends but it'll never be the same again, because i still love her, and she always tries to avoid people when bad things happen (she was depressed and tried to kill herself before, and she avoided everyone, didn't tell anyone but me, i was actually the one who saved her life).

[sweetshay]

Even though it might be difficult, I think you need to let it go. You know the old saying.. "you can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped." If she no longer feels that she needs you to be there for her do not waste your time. It's just going to end up aggravating her, and hurting you. Since you have spent so much time together previously maybe what she needs is space. It seems like all she's doing is pushing you away and you it might do you some good to just respect her wishes. You guys can be friends, and maybe check up on her every once in a blue just to make sure she's okay. But I feel that when she's ready to come back to you she will, and if she doesn't then at least you ended on good and respectable terms.

Also don't feel bad. I know what it feels like to be that positive influence in someones life and try to save them. It's a very sweet thing to care about someone that much and many people lack that nowadays. But you also have to put effort into focusing on you and your well-being as well.

[jameshetfieldjr]

Things are really weird, i asked her if she got bored of me few weeks ago (i had to ask cause she was so distracted), she said she still loved me, and she still did some sweet things for me. But after what happened to me (you know, like i said, i was really depressed, and maybe i asked for her help too much), she started acting like this, maybe i'm the one who pushed her away, idk...
I know this is what everyone says when they have problems with relationships, but seriously, i don't want to lose her. I really want us to work together to get through this, and make she feels love again like before. Few days ago, she and i were both so excited for our skype date, she said she still loved me, she even called me "dumdum" (she always calls me that as a cute way to say "i love you"), she even spent more time for me, but today, she finally told me the truth, and now we both don't know what to do. She doesn't even feel the same about anyone, idk if it's because of her new meds or not...

[Miasmata]

If she's experiencing any troubling feelings or problems with her meds or whatever, you need to urge her to talk to her therapist about it. Antidepressants have an adjustment period that can last several weeks, so I wouldn't fret so much over her behaviour just yet. She needs to talk things out with her therapist. You can be a supportive partner and all, but she needs the professional help when it comes to her mental wellbeing and medication. Sorting her feelings out is also going to be much easier that way.

[jameshetfieldjr]

Yesterday, i left a message, i told her that i want to discuss about our relationship, how she feels about me, why she changed,... i know she read it but she didn't answer me, i think i'll have to wait, i don't want to beg her to answer me, and she needs space & time now imo. I asked her a lot about the medication & the therapy, but she always said "i'm fine", "i'll be fine",... But i know she isn't. She told me a little bit more about her new therapy though, cause i asked her when we were having fun. She & her docter even thought about going to the mental hospital last month, and she still doesn't know if she wants/needs to go. I'm really worried about her, but i feel like... if i keep asking her, i'll push her away from me. Because that's who she is. She always avoid other people when she has problems, and she doesn't feel the same about me anymore, so she probably won't tell me what's going on.

And what do you guys think about her answer, that she said "I need to leave this relationship & take a break for a while?", did she mean that she wanted to break up with me, or we can still be a couple, but she just needs more time for herself to think about our relationship? She doesn't want to talk to me so i have no idea what's in her mind right now.