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    #1

    Cheated but still together

    So this is my first girlfriend right and she's Thai and before you think the stereotypical thing, stop.

    She's got money probably more than me goes to a top school etc lives a good life.

    I met her about 10 months ago when I was travelling we chatted everyday etc then I went home and I've been home for about 5 months.

    We're both 21 we both like to party and we both haven't been faithful but still love each other and the only reason I'm still with her is because I'm going back and we will live together etc I know she moved back to her hometown when I broke up with her because she was waiting for me in the city, anyways I'm still a bit cut about her being with a few one night stands I just didn't think she was like that. But anyways I'm back with her and putting "things on ice" she is madly in love with me and I introduced her to the wrong friends when I was there party promoters etc so naturally she fell in to that when I left. So overall we both cheated on each other and it was just a drunken one night stand things but it did cut me deep, but there hasn't been a day we haven't talked in ten months, do you think it's really that bad that she don't that?
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    #2
    Originally posted by Chedda View Post
    So this is my first girlfriend right and she's Thai and before you think the stereotypical thing, stop.

    She's got money probably more than me goes to a top school etc lives a good life.

    I met her about 10 months ago when I was travelling we chatted everyday etc then I went home and I've been home for about 5 months.

    We're both 21 we both like to party and we both haven't been faithful but still love each other and the only reason I'm still with her is because I'm going back and we will live together etc I know she moved back to her hometown when I broke up with her because she was waiting for me in the city, anyways I'm still a bit cut about her being with a few one night stands I just didn't think she was like that. But anyways I'm back with her and putting "things on ice" she is madly in love with me and I introduced her to the wrong friends when I was there party promoters etc so naturally she fell in to that when I left. So overall we both cheated on each other and it was just a drunken one night stand things but it did cut me deep, but there hasn't been a day we haven't talked in ten months, do you think it's really that bad that she don't that?
    You should read through threads because this topic has come up quite a few times. However, since you BOTH cheated, I don't think either one of you has a right to be mad at each other. Also, if you are truly in love with someone, you won't cheat, no matter the circumstances. I think what you both need to decide if you are mature enough and are ready to be in a relationship at all. Not even just with each other but making a commitment to anyone since neither of you can seem to keep it under control.

    At 21, I was finally legal age and I was out partying with my friends. NEVER did I cheat on an SO, no matter how much I had to drink. I still knew right from wrong, I still knew I was in a relationship and it never crossed my mind to be with anyone else. Quite honestly, I'm tired of so many people out there using being drunk as an excuse. If you can't handle your alcohol or your actions when your drinking, then maybe it's time to quit drinking or really limit yourself when you do.
    To those who dream, nothing is ever far away.

    ​Distance is to love as wind is to fire. It blows out the little ones and fans the big ones.

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      #3
      Forget the alcohol, I kinda blame myself for introducing her in to "that scene" because when I first met her she wasn't like that, to be honest we both said we will stay together and the only reason I did it is I didn't wanna get hurt if I found out she did, I guess I'm holding on to a life that I think will be good when I return there, what you said puts it in perspective for me, but I wanna see what's happen when we can actually be together instead of being far away a consistently jealous - it's not a nice way to live, so now I'm stuck in a grey area and have no idea what to do.

      Comment

        #4
        Originally posted by Chedda View Post
        Forget the alcohol, I kinda blame myself for introducing her in to "that scene" because when I first met her she wasn't like that, to be honest we both said we will stay together and the only reason I did it is I didn't wanna get hurt if I found out she did, I guess I'm holding on to a life that I think will be good when I return there, what you said puts it in perspective for me, but I wanna see what's happen when we can actually be together instead of being far away a consistently jealous - it's not a nice way to live, so now I'm stuck in a grey area and have no idea what to do.

        Some people aren't cut out for LDR's. However, just because you are living with someone are in the same area doesn't mean cheating doesn't occur. (Ask the multiple broken marriages or people who live together whose relationships broke up due to a partner cheating.) The both of you have now set a pattern in your relationship and will have to decide together if you think this is a pattern you can break. In my LDR, though I miss him, cheating on him never crosses my mind. Why? Because I am in love with him and committed to him and our relationship.

        You stated this is a first relationship for both of you. The area I bolded in your comment shows to me a lack of maturity on your part. You don't do something to get back at the person you are supposed to love. Did the cheating make you feel better or any less hurt that she did because you did the same?

        Don't blame yourself on bringing her into "the scene". Many people can find that on their own. Just because you party with friends doesn't mean you cheat on your SO. You can't blame yourself for her actions.
        To those who dream, nothing is ever far away.

        ​Distance is to love as wind is to fire. It blows out the little ones and fans the big ones.

        Comment

          #5
          Since you both cheated and you both forgave and want to be with another, who are we to say you shouldn't? Go for it. I hope things work out.

          Relationship began: 05/22/2012
          First Met: 03/21/2013 - 03/30/2013
          Second Visit: 06/06/2013 - 08/21/2013 ~ Proposal: 07/06/2013 ♥
          Third Visit: 10/09/2013 - 01/08/2013
          Closed the distance: 11/20/2014 ♥
          Married: 1/24/2015
          Became Resident: 9/14/2015

          Comment

            #6
            I think if it upset you, but you have still done the same thing back to her, you two need to sit down and talk it through.

            If neither of you can do that, then you need to walk away from the relationship, as otherwise you will constantly remain jealous if you are 'good' and she is 'bad'

            As you have both had sex, then you can't hold this against her, or her you.... but it is a big breach of trust on both sides, if you had previously stated that you would not do it and would remain exclusive. If you didn't state this, but expected it, then it says that you two need to work on your communication and set some ground rules you both are happy with

            Comment

              #7
              The main thing here is, can you together make rules that you will stick to? And get out of environments that cause you pain. In an LDR, more things are at stake, think carefully about how you use your time.
              I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
              - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



              "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

              Comment

                #8
                To be honest, this relationship seems dysfunctional from the very beginning and I agree with everything R&R said. You need to take a step back and think if this relationship is even right for you. You don't do something to get revenge on your partner, no matter the circumstance, especially if you say that you love each other. It doesn't seem like you're able to get past what happened, if you were, you wouldn't have cheated on her back.

                IMO, you both seem a little too immature to be in an LDR.

                Alcohol and partying is probably the lamest excuse anyone can make for cheating, besides doing it to "get even".

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