Family NOT happy about my plans to meet SO

[Freebird]

I thought about writing this in travel, but will write it here since it also has to do with my relationship.

This past year me and my SO planned on meeting several times (him to come here) but it just didn't happen. I never understood if the excuses given were true, if he was scared, or if he is just a really bad planner... but it never happened. To solve this, I decided I would travel over there and be very serious about it. I've brought my tickets already. If he backs out again, I don't know what to say about our relationship. I cannot take anymore failed travel plans.

However, it would be my first time traveling overseas.

My family, particularly my mom, is NOT happy with this. At all. I can understand the fear from her part of being a parent and me being a female, but in her eyes it seems like I'm doing this completely alone in a far away country where no one can help me. In my eyes, I am not alone, and have my SO who has not given me any reason to think I cannot trust him as being safe. He is pretty experienced with traveling as well. I have contacts to his mom and dad, their address, his address.

None of this makes it ok to my mom. She is really freaking out. To the point she is angry with me. Her fear is that I get robbed, that I won't have enough money, that my passport might get lost, etc etc.

Again, I can understand her fear, but I wish there was something I could do or show her that would calm her down. Any ideas? I'd like to keep her involved to make her more comfortable with the whole idea, but at least point I'm going to decide just to not talk to her about it.

[randomnerd]

Have you given her the phone/address of where you're staying or your SO's address and phone number? Maybe that will help her because she'll know where you are and how to contact you if your mobile went missing. And she'll know that IF anything did happen to you she has an address, etc...

[Freebird]

Have you given her the phone/address of where you're staying or your SO's address and phone number? Maybe that will help her because she'll know where you are and how to contact you if your mobile went missing. And she'll know that IF anything did happen to you she has an address, etc...

Yes, and even a tracking app on my phone. And the address of every hotel we will be staying at.

I'm an adult and I feel like I don't need to do this... but I am, for my mom's comfort. It's just very frustrating when she gets angry at my plans and says I have no common sense!

[emsimes]

The first time I went to visit my SO in Germany, my mom was really upset as well. She was very angry with me and nervous that something bad would happen to me. In the end, I just had to put my foot down. I told her that I loved her, but that this was MY life, and I am an adult who can make my own decisions.
Finally, she came to terms with it, and she now has no problems with me visiting my SO. I know it seems drastic, but it might be worth a shot to do the same thing.
Good luck!

[differentcountries]

If you have a copy of your passport, travel insurance and credit card you are as prepared as you can be. Sounds like she had just trouble accepting her girl is grown up

[rufuz]

Has your mum already talked to him in skype or something? If she is nervous because she doesn't trust him this could maybe help when she sees that he is serious about everything. My mum is quite cool, with me visiting my ex she didn't have any problems because he was the brother in law of my godfather and she always knew my godfather was also in the same city and could look after me. With my SO I think it will be a lot harder. She already knows that I'm going to meet up with him when we're in Cancun for vacation, but she doesn't know that I will fly to his city after my aunt and she left again. I guess she will also be very worried about it because Mexico in general isn't a safe place and I can understand her fears.
What me and my SO will do for it is that he will also come to Cancun for 2-3 days so that my mum can get to know him and knows I'm safe over there.

All I would do in your situation is to let your mum talk to your SO, so that she doesn't have problems with you staying with him. And for the rest I also see it like you're an adult and you can make your own decisions. It's your life. I don't think your mum wants to be guilty for maybe destroying your relationship just because she didn't wanna let you go there. You're her child, she should trust you and believe that you know what you are doing.

[sweetshay]

It sounds more like paranoia than just general fear. My dad is the same way, always thinking the worst. But the bottom line is you are an adult who is capable of making your own decisions. All of the things she is scared about could happen ANYWHERE and she cannot protect you from everything. If you're doing everything you can to protect yourself then she just needs to trust that you will be okay. It's always better to think positively and not send negative vibes! I'm not entirely sure what would calm her down than you just coming home safely. Make sure you keep in touch with her when you can, call or text at the end n beginning of the day so she can breathe somewhat easier.

[Ejoriah]

Maybe tell her what measures you've taken to protect yourself - making sure your bag is with you at all times, you've located the US embassy, etc. Thankfully you're going to someplace where they also speak English, so that's one less thing to worry about

[Zapookie]

Honestly, apart from everyones advice already stated, you'll just have to put your foot down and tell her how it is. You're old enough now to travel by yourself and make your own decisions, and she needs to realise that. You aren't going to be her baby girl forever.

[Aussieabroad]

I got super lucky in that I'm an Aussie expat living in NY, so I just plain didn't tell my Mum when I flew to CA to meet my boy, lol.

However, alongside everyone else's advice, I guess all I can say is it's your life and you should be able to do whatever you want. However, tell her that you have plans around him. I know LA well, so I knew that if my SO didn't turn out to be the man he was on FaceTime (he was exactly the same. Phew!) I could get away from him. Do some research and show your Mum how you know where everything is if things turn sour (though word it more positively, so that she doesn't get worried)

[Freebird]

Thanks guys! I'm taking all measures to be as safe as possible. I've never been to Europe, but I am doing research about the locations I'm going, where the US Embassies are, what to do in case of an emergency, etc etc. I'm trying to involve her as much as possible so she feels better about the whole deal, but I'm no so sure it's getting through. I will continue in my attempts to make her feel better... but I will also be letting her know that, while I appreciate her concern, I have my own life to live at this point!

[Freebird]

Well, today I tried talking with my mother about this, and I'm done. We got in an argument and she assured me there would be "consequences" to me making this trip, of which she will not tell me.

I've been out of the military and am going to school, living with my mother. I'm starting to think I need to move out, though it will be difficult. I feel as thought she still thinks she has some sort of rein over my life and I'm not taking her threats very well.

[Miasmata]

Shame to hear your mother won't let up. It sounds like you tried all you could to get along with her on this matter, but if she doesn't want to share this with you, then don't waste your breath. You are an adult and you can make your own decisions!

I hope you can move out sometime soon. It's tough, but keep standing your ground!

[Nymeria]

I think it's always a bit difficult for Mums when their Girls grow up and go out and about for the first time. But, that is how life goes, at somepoints, Kids grow up and go out and about. You have done your best at answering all her questions, prepared everything for the trip to be as safe as it possibly can, and involved her as much as you can in your preparations. It's her turn now to let go.
You should stand your ground. You are old enough and the world is generally a safe place.

[Unicorn26]

Oh dear.

Sounds like fear of fear itself to me. Flying is the safest way to travel and the UK is a very safe place.

I'm sorry that you're arguing with your mum about this but you're a grown woman now and this is your life and your decision. I hope you can make her see that coming to the UK is not dangerous, it's an adventure.

Good luck, I hope it works our for you.