Please need advice!

[Jess123]

I have been in this relationship for over a year now, I am divorce with 2 kids (4 &6) my fiance moved to South America when he got laid off from his job in the states, he was in the middle of a divorce when he left, he also has 2 kids same age as mine. During this whole time apart has been a roller coaster of emotions, we became best friends, and have a very solid relationship, we are 100% committed and dedicated to the point that he asked me to have a symbolic wedding so we did. We visited each other every 2 months but never spent more than a week living together. During this whole year we planned to spend the holidays together, well the time came and it was the biggest disappointed ever, everything went wrong, I never during this past year felt so hurt and lonely. When he got here my mom was also visiting which was an additional stress because was the first time my fiance and I were going to spend time together. The first couple of days went ok but everything changed a few days later, he was not feeling great before he came and once he was here everything got worst, he had a lot of medial issues and very stressed because of that, also the fact that he was far away from his children for Christmas completely killed him, to the point that he got a little angry with me and my kids because of that, we were fighting pretty much all the time. I tried to get close to him but every time he put a wall between us, always wanted to be alone. I know my kids are a little crazy, they have been through a lot with my divorce and living in 2 homes, but they are good kids. Time went by then he left. After confronting him he said that it was not as he expected it to be, that I did not attended him enough, I did not care about him been sick, he felt was not welcomed, besides my kids bad behavior is not what he is used to, our home was a mess etc. etc.etc, basically everything here was not what he expected.
I am completely shock and disappointed. Honestly don't know what to think.
He is supposed to come back on March to stay definitely but I am not sure if that is going to happen. I am very hurt, because he blames me and my children for everything, we knew it was not going to be easy but I did not know he was going to react like that.
Don't know what to do...

[differentcountries]

Living together is not easy. Living together in a new place, over the holidays, with your kids AND your mum, and him being sick...missing his kids too, yes I can see how that was a downer for the both of you. I have been sick while visiting SO, that was really hard, without anyone's mums, kids or holiday preperations.

This is the reason why, when we will try to get SO here, it will be in January/February, between holiays, with nothing much else happening. If he comes back in March, you might try to go through what happened and see what you can do differently. Maybe clean and tidy for his arrival (use a cleaning agency if needs be). On his side, he needs to learn to take care of his medical needs by himself, he has to understand that you are a mum and have to give attention to your kids as well as him, and to educate you ss to how you can best aid him when he gets his symptoms.

If you get along better and he feels safer, there is more groundedness involved when he should get to know your kids. Perhaps you could all try to do some outing to get a good start - I personally preffer younger kids to be in parks, gardens, playlands or somewhere where they can run around for a while, so that they can quiet down later on.

If you fail, get up and try again. Perhaps you learned something from the things the didn't work, too, that can actually be useful to make things work in the long run.