My experience; needing opinions. 😔

[sbbb18]

Well.. My bf & I went to school together but never really talked i only heard of him never actually met him. After his graduation he moved back to hawaii where he's originally from. He followed me on Instagram & i remember him complimenting me from time to time never really thought much of it. Until he Dm'd me one day.. which i planned to ignore it considering the things i heard about him but i figured why not. Lol being that we were so far i away i jumped into it with the idea I'll never EVER see him so it's okay to be my weird self & hold nothing back. his personality was completely different than what i was expecting., we clicked right from the start, felt like we had actually met & hung out before.. It completely blew my mind. It was such a beautiful way to get to know someone.. To open up about everything & not having the physical barrier. I realized i loved him about a month or 2 months into talking. He was more obvious about it. I eventually was the first one to say i loved him.. or was in love. After that it become that much more difficult to not know when will we ever see eachother. He became my entire life, having to schedule our talking hours between his work hours.. Kept me up all night then i had to deal with school on no sleep, i became even more antisocial than before. It was frustrating.. I feel like (& still do) that i was the one sacrificing for us. As the months dragged by .. 7 long months of waiting.. He couldn't get off of work.. Just one setback after another i decided i would take the chance and go there. I graduated, i had nothing holding me back. We didn't have a plan.. looking back that was a huge mistake. I was just blinded by love wanting to see him so badly NOTHING would stop me. I should've thought about how i do not handle change, meeting new people, ect. well at all. So moving in with his family didn't go so smoothly.. At first they were kind of welcoming i just got the vibe from the beginning I was NOT wanted there, invading their space. It's hard enough moving in with the in-laws when you've known them for years but just meeting them & trying adjust to living with them.. top it off getting used to a completely different state across the ocean is.. very overwhelming. I had culture shock.. to the extreme. My poor bf, i was such a mess. I wish i wasn't going through such anxiety when first arriving when everyone (mostly) was excited to meet me. Maybe i ruined it.. But people should be understanding. If they love their son/brother out of respect they should atleast try to get along with whoever he loves. A month into living there.. He got info a wreck, got laid off, his mom was charging an arm & a leg for rent and other bills since i was now living there. We couldn't even afford to eat Taco Bell lol, he's the type to not handle financial issues well or any issues.. so who does he take his stress out on? Me. Really we wouldn't have had so many problems if he didn't allow his family use him.. And it's frustrating when i ask for nothing and confront him about it he'll say "that's just how it is, it's her house." DEFEND YOURSELF, DEFEND YOUR GF! I did not leave everything and put my life on hold to get disrespected. That's the least you can do. Be your own man stop letting others hold you back when you have someone who loves you unconditionally. I couldn't take it anymore.. Being alienated at that house, locked out when he was at work it was uncalled for. He had his selfish ways too.. so the combination of it all was taking it's toll. I warned him so many times.. Leaving him was the hardest thing I've ever done. Im emotionally/physically broken. The worst part is now i can tell he's resenting me for leaving.. Being short with me, saying his negative comments when i talk about going back "you ran away once you'll do it again." Is this normal? I know for a fact he has abandonment issues.. And that's what kills me. I never wanted to hurt him but he should take his anger out on his family the people that caused this. I had to get out for my health & sanity. I just need advice.. I have no idea how to handle a long distance relationship now that we've lived together.. And are back to being separated. I don't want to give up. Sorry this is long lol

[0897klpq]

I am sorry to hear you had such a negative experience. To me, I'd say you gave it a shot. Maybe jt wasn't the best timing for any of it..and it's a pity that you were unwelcome in a family friends/your boyfriends home.

It's a bit childish and immature of your boyfriend being so negative about all this especially if he didn't seem to try and fight for your respect when you were there and to say you will abandon him again. If you had the chocie, would you have done anything differently? What if he came to your home, would you have respected him more?

It takes a lot of guts and courage to do what you did... I'd say you should focus on yourself and hopefully he will come to senses and realize how the situation actually went when you did visit. Maybe you guys just rushed it all and you guys just needed some more time, at least more time before moving in.

[rubydissolution]

I have been in your boyfriends shoes in this situation. My ex moved to me, he was unhappy and moved back home. It's almost as hard to readjust your life around someone as it is to uproot yourself and move somewhere new. Sure as the person being moved to you have your friends and family. You have a job (hopefully), and a car. But now you have someone living with you, needing a ride from you to go anywhere, who is financially dependent on you. It is soooooo stressful. So you were not the only one suffering in that house.

That being said I'm gonna go out on a limb and say you jumped the gun moving to him. After the experience I've had I feel like the best way for success for a LD couple when becoming a CD couple is to move into your own place. This way his parents aren't an issue.

Here's something to consider when you try to figure out where to go from here. You both were hit with massive amounts of stress in that period of time. Life is not a cakewalk and will throw more stones at you then you can count. You may not be able to run away from them which isn't a good solution anyway. If you couldn't handle it then how will you handle it in the future as a couple?

This was something that my ex and I realized three months after he moved back. There was so much hurt on both ends, so much broken trust and faith that there wasn't much left of the relationship to salvage. After a while we became friends but there was a period where we just didn't speak to each other because it was too painful.

[sbbb18]

Thank you both for your input..
I think we were both so naive & hopeful..and then being hit with one problem after another took a toll. I tried warning him not to let things get in the way of us, to stick with me rather than be against me. But we all have our own personal ways of handling stress, it's more of something he needs to work on. He needs to let his partner support him through problems.. he has too much pride. For a short period of time after moving in we both resented eachother for different reasons. But then we realized we both are giving up things for US. Through it all our love hasn't changed. He's devastated that we didn't work out there.. right now. I know he is. And how his family could treat the person he loved with such hate. At this point we really just don't know what to do.. Other than we want to be with eachother. Everything & everyone is in the way.

[0897klpq]

I know ideally when you have a relationship you want to close the distance and actually be together. For you both it's not so easy to do so since you both live far away (everyone else on this forum is in the same boat )

If you guys are more understanding about the situation now, and actually do care about each other I'd say keep going with it, but slowly and cautiously. Maybe the reason it went this way is because it was rushed. Really, you are both young and I know myself moving in with someone even at my age would be really weird.

Just give it time and if it truly is meant to be you guys will live happily ever after. Take this as a learning experience. You guys can still visit each other and communicate with each other but also focus on developing your own lives too. Same as with life, I don't think you have to rush with everything. Take your time and enjoy your freedom and being young. You don't have to exactly grow up right away.

All the best to you