Please, help me. I really need good advice.

[noo]

This guy and I met back in April 15, 2014 in a website. After two months of talking every day he started to flirt with me and wanting to meet up with me in person..
Anyway, he was incredibly sweet and made me feel so special. I was so into him (actually remembering the way he used to be makes me feel a bit emotional because things have changed) and he seemed to be into me. He started to throw hints to be about getting in a relationship but I wasn't sure because first, the distance was a problem (we live in two different continents) and second I was incredibly afraid to get my heart broken.

We ended up making it "oficial" in mid August. When I told him that I was willing to be in a relationship he sort of took back his words, as in, he was saying that he wasn't sure because he couldn't do what a normal boyfriend would do and it made me doubt about his feelings because he seemed to be so excited about us being a couple at first but when I wanted to make it happen, he was hesitating.

Our relationship started amazing. We used to skype almost everyyday. He would make time out of his day (usually at night, after work) to talk to see me. We also used to text eachother every day. I was able to feel his interest in me. I was really really happy with this man. There were not doubts in my mind about our relationship. he made me feel so secure and ,, I loved it.

Lately (2 months now) we have been arguing and fighting. Some of the problems have been because I've decided to put out there to him how I feel, to express him what is bothering me. It was something that I've been accumulating throughout the months and decided to open up myself to him hoping to fix things as a couple.

He has changed so much, after 3 months of being oficially together, he stopped being sweet to me. It felt more as if we were just friends. I started to wonder if there was something wrong. If he was just playing with my feelings. I secretly started to check his facebook and saw he had good looking female friends and it made me feel insecure (despite he telling me that I am "beautiful". He doesnt know about me checking his facebook though).
I have NEVEr had a good self steem and I suddently started to feel as if he was too good to be with me. that I didn't deserve him. Knowing that he is a VERY social person and someone who drinks a lot made me worry, specially since he says he doesn't remember what he does when he gets drunk.

I toldd him the things that have been bothering me and I admit, something changed for good. He started to act more affectionate toward me but I started to think that this isn't how things are supposed to be. Affection is something that comes from within, it is something I'm not supposed to ask for so the fact that I'm asking him to be more affectionate to me makes me question his feelings for me.

"What if he cheats on me? I don't want to be hurt? He doesn't like me like I like him, I know it. I feel it. I'm just another flower in his garden. He just wants someone to talk to when he's bored and he found me. This is why he says he wants to be with me. I'm afraid. I love him. Maybe I should let him go. He doesn't love me (because he told me). I'm crazy about him. He just simply likes me. I want to feel loved. I have given him everything I am. Hes a priority in my life. I am not in his. I don't want to cry anymore. I'm sad." This are some of the thoughts that have been going through my head for the last 2 months and I am losing it.

I've tried to break up with him many times. At first, he used to get mad, sad at me because he said that I wasn't considering his feelings and that how can I prettend to know his feelings better than him. He used to try to convince me to keep our relationship because he wanted to be with me and it showed me that he was really into me. Then he would start acting different again and id start questioning him again, then I would try to break up with him and he would try to convince me to keep the relationship. Ugh, it has been a cycle for the past two months.

Lately, I have been questioning my own feelings. I ddon't think that I'm into him as I used to be. I cry a lot though. I had expectations for our relationship.
last sunday I tried to break up with him and he said ok. that he would support my decision of us staying as friends.

we decided to get back together 2 days ago and i'm feeling the same way I've been feeling all this time. what do I do? there's this nagging voice that tells me that I should grow some balls and leave this relationship but at the same time, I really want to be with him too. I used to be so happy with him and I want to get back to how things were used to be.

What should I do? please.. advice me.

[rufuz]

I don't really have any idea what kind of advice I could give you. But it seems that you have huge trust issues if you think he could be cheating on you and even check his facebook... and trust is in my opinion the most important thing in an LDR! If you can't completely trust him I think it's the best for you to end the relationship and look for someone who lives near you. Otherwise you will always question everything he does or says. Also the fact that you think about breaking up so much is something that would bother me if I was your boyfriend. I wouldn't want someone who always questions what I say and tries to break up with me every once in a while. And this even very early in the relationship because you're not even official for 5 months. Have you made any plans when to meet in person? Maybe this could be something that helps you to sort out your feelings, to see how he treats you in person and not only in texts. Maybe then you start to trust him more when you see how serious he is about it all.

[differentcountries]

"I've tried to break up with him many times. At first, he used to get mad, sad at me because he said that I wasn't considering his feelings and that how can I prettend to know his feelings better than him. ...

Lately, I have been questioning my own feelings. I ddon't think that I'm into him as I used to be."

I feel bad for the both of you. You have been together 5 months, with all the drama of a full-fledged marriage, despite the fact that he did nothing besides backing down a little on the honeymoon stuff like most people do. Honey, you are killing your own relationship. Either stop doing that or get out and get some therapy.

[R&R]

"What if he cheats on me? I don't want to be hurt? He doesn't like me like I like him, I know it. I feel it. I'm just another flower in his garden. He just wants someone to talk to when he's bored and he found me. This is why he says he wants to be with me. I'm afraid. I love him. Maybe I should let him go. He doesn't love me (because he told me). I'm crazy about him. He just simply likes me. I want to feel loved. I have given him everything I am. Hes a priority in my life. I am not in his. I don't want to cry anymore. I'm sad." This are some of the thoughts that have been going through my head for the last 2 months and I am losing it.

I've tried to break up with him many times. At first, he used to get mad, sad at me because he said that I wasn't considering his feelings and that how can I prettend to know his feelings better than him. He used to try to convince me to keep our relationship because he wanted to be with me and it showed me that he was really into me. Then he would start acting different again and id start questioning him again, then I would try to break up with him and he would try to convince me to keep the relationship. Ugh, it has been a cycle for the past two months.

Lately, I have been questioning my own feelings. I ddon't think that I'm into him as I used to be. I cry a lot though. I had expectations for our relationship.
last sunday I tried to break up with him and he said ok. that he would support my decision of us staying as friends.

we decided to get back together 2 days ago and i'm feeling the same way I've been feeling all this time. what do I do? there's this nagging voice that tells me that I should grow some balls and leave this relationship but at the same time, I really want to be with him too. I used to be so happy with him and I want to get back to how things were used to be.

What should I do? please.. advice me.

If you were CD and your relationship changed so drastically after a couple of months, would you stay? Would you allow yourself to go through these cycles that you have put yourself through for the last two months? I'm guessing you probably wouldn't.

You have a lot of doubts about your feelings for him and the relationship. The fact that you are continually trying to break up with him should tell you what you want. If you wanted this relationship, your thoughts would go to what you need to do as an individual and as a couple to work through it - not go to breaking up. The whole thing just sounds drastically unhealthy.

The final decision is yours. But if you are unhappy, untrusting and undecided, maybe it's time for you to take a step back from this relationship and clear your head.

[0897klpq]

To be honest I think it would be best to just be friends, get to know each other, and then meet and see if you both really fancy each other.

Take things slow and relax and don't rush. I exactly know how you feel when it comes to overthinking things.. just keep yourself busy and in time you will realize if it will be worth it or not. If it's meant to be it will all work out

All I can say is if you do like him and seem to care about him and he feels the same it's worth a shot. You will always regret never trying.

All the best!

[Dwessie]

Lately (2 months now) we have been arguing and fighting. Some of the problems have been because I've decided to put out there to him how I feel, to express him what is bothering me. It was something that I've been accumulating throughout the months and decided to open up myself to him hoping to fix things as a couple.

So what you're telling me is
You say how you feel and open up to him and he fights with you?
This relationship is unhealthy and dead. I say just drop him and move on, especially if your self-esteem is this bad, since obviously he isn't making you feel good which is what love is supposed to do.

[AngelFace]

I have to say, thinking about breaking up sometimes generally happens in relationships, long distance or not, so that's basically normal IF your relationship is otherwise well rooted. However this guy seems to be all over the place with his feelings. It sounds like he just doesn't want to be single so he's keeping his options open. If you're looking for love, I think you should move on.

[differentcountries]

No wonder his feelings are all over the place if she breaks up with him every Monday...

The only actual issue they have is he backed down on showing affection, and while she says he got better at that after she brought it up, she is also accusing him of being fake - since, according to her, people should naturally do these things without being told. This is double communication. Everything else is just... She thinks he doesn't genuinely like her, she thinks he might cheat on her, him wanting to continue the relationship is a sign he is mean etc. If she is mindlessly accusing him of these matters, she creates a hostile climate in which it may be impossable to actually explore love with her.

OP: while he may not be the perfect guy for you, you are also creating drama by being undecisive and using breakup as a tool in your relationship. That is not fair on either of you. Either actually break up without looking back, or stay and try to fix the relationship without threats.

[whatruckus]

I'm just going to say that your relationship seems pretty dysfunctional and I feel that it is just going to keep flip flopping and neither of you are going to be happy. If you are having all of these doubts and questioning everything so soon, seeing as you've been together for around 5 months, it's not going to work.

[Petals]

If you were CD and your relationship changed so drastically after a couple of months, would you stay? Would you allow yourself to go through these cycles that you have put yourself through for the last two months? I'm guessing you probably wouldn't.

You have a lot of doubts about your feelings for him and the relationship. The fact that you are continually trying to break up with him should tell you what you want. If you wanted this relationship, your thoughts would go to what you need to do as an individual and as a couple to work through it - not go to breaking up. The whole thing just sounds drastically unhealthy.


The final decision is yours. But if you are unhappy, untrusting and undecided, maybe it's time for you to take a step back from this relationship and clear your head.

THIS ^^^^^^

[leditbe]

I'm gonna start out by saying, it's hard being in a long-term relationship with someone whom you have not yet met in person. Throughout my long-term relationship with my fiance, it was extremely difficult when we would have a disagreement and we were unable to speak face-to-face about the problem. With that being said, I can't imagine the kind of stress you are enduring, especially never having met this person in the real world.
Before my current relationship, I was in another long-term relationship with someone who lived only a few minutes away. While everything seemed picturesque in the beginning, things seemed to fall apart about 6 months in. We began fighting a lot more, and he showed less affection. I was very emotionally detached, and though I was crazy about this person, it was almost as if I was trying to force something that wasn't mean to be. I didn't really love him, and I realized it after about the third time we had broken up.
Love isn't about forcing something to be beautiful or feel good. It's ultimately about a very intimate friendship with another person that just simply feels right and works.
My advice to you would be to have a serious conversation with this person. If you want to meet him in person, I would make sure that he wants the same thing and that he's on the same page.
I can't promise that this relationship is going to last, and frankly I don't think it will. But what I can promise is that there is someone in this world that was made just for you, and whether or not you choose to ride this one out, that person will come along eventually.


Best of Luck.

[noo]

Just wanted to say thanks to all of you who took a bit of their time to write on my thread.