Telling my mom about my LDR

[lovingthealien]

My boyfriend and I are both 19 going on 20. We dated CD for two years, and broke up mid-2013. My mother knows this. What she doesn't know is that he and I got back together early 2014 and have been dating ever since. So far it's been 5 months CD and 4 months LD. We will continue being LD for the next three years.

I really want to tell my mom about us, but have been unable to do so for two reasons.

First, she has a bad impression of him because we used to fight all the time prior to our break up. I was stressed with other things going on in my life and constantly took it out on him; he was just an immature jerk. Well, during our time apart, I resolved all my problems, and he grew as a person. We have now become a much stronger couple, but I know my mom would still have major doubts about us.

Second, she won't like the idea of me being in an LDR. She'll disapprove of me spending so much time talking to him online when I could be doing something more productive. She'll disapprove of the fact that my decision on what to do after graduating university will be influenced by him. I know she'd rather have me find myself a guy here at university.

My boyfriend's family accepts me, and has always been supportive of our relationship, LD or not. It makes me feel so guilty that my mom, on the other hand, doesn't even know that we got back together. I've tried to tell her so many time over the past nine months, but so far I've chickened out every time. I just don't know how to start the conversation, whether to call her or to text her, how to deal with her disapproval, how to answer questions that I don't know the answers to... someone help me please

[p_b82]

I think this sort of thing would be best handled in person myself - or at least by phone call.

There is going to be no easy way, but to prepare for some possible questions, and answer truthfully with 'I don't know' for the ones that you don't know the answers to.

She may not approve still, but it is your life, and there is nothing that you should allow them to change you mind, unless they give you something you have not thought about yourself....

I do feel your pain, I had it the other way round, I informed my parents at a very very early stage that I might emigrate at some point in the future, and to my dad it was as if I told him I had died. It took him 3 months and major surgery to get back to where we were in terms of relationship, but there is still a massive elephant in the room and it is difficult to talk about my GF while he is in the room, as I know he just does not want to hear about it really.

Be brave, pluck up the courage and talk to her, it will at least let you know where you stand with it and take the unknown out as a factor

[snow]

Your mom wants the best for you, so she might be surprised that you went back to someone you have had a lot of fights with before, but if you are happy she is going to support you. Just make sure you let her know how happy you are now when you tell her!

[R&R]

As a parent of 2 daughters your age, I'd say you need to tell her and the sooner, the better. Parents actually know a lot more than kids think we do and there are times, we are just waiting for you to tell us.

My daughter was dating her now fiance a few years ago and it was casual, no commitment. They were LDR and he ended up changing his FB status to being in a relationship with someone else. She was so hurt and I was ready to go Mama Bear on him. There was a long story behind what was going on and everything ended up working out. Needless to say, when she started dating him again, I was a bit wary. I told her my concerns but let her make the decision. He now calls me Mom, and I call him my son.

Eventually, parents have to trust that what we have taught you will be remembered. We have to trust you to make decisions and realize that you may make mistakes or 100% right decisions but that you are adults now. I wish you the best of luck.

[Honour]

Eventually, parents have to trust that what we have taught you will be remembered. We have to trust you to make decisions and realize that you may make mistakes or 100% right decisions but that you are adults now.

I wish my parents were able to think somewhat more like this.

OP, it's not exactly something I can give great advice on, but I will try my best. My father is not exactly the most open minded person, quite the opposite. I have yet to tell either of my parents about my and my SO's relationship, and I'm waiting for the right time. Timing is of the essence with telling parents. With your mother, time yourself for telling her. That's all I can offer, other than a bout of good luck

[differentcountries]

People sometimes change. I suppose it will take some time convincing her that you two are now on a different path.

You may sugar the pill by first telling her that you are in a new and wonderful relationship with someone who treats you well etc, and then slowly let it be known about the Ldr and that she knows him. Ultimately it is your decition but it doesn't hurt to have your parents there with you.

[leditbe]

Fighting and breaking up once is usually the first sign that a relationship is going to fall apart even if you get back together with high hopes.
The first thing you need to keep in mind when dealing with a situation that is so incredibly delicate is that your mom has your best interests in her heart.
She doesn't want to see her child get into a situation that will a) waste her time b) break her heart and c) cause issues between the two of you.
My mom was the same way, although my situation was a little bit different than yours.
I was in a "long distance relationship" with someone from Australia over a summer, and when he came to the US to meet me, I know it wasn't something that was going to last. My parents didn't like him, he caused a lot of problems while he was staying with us, and in the end my mom became incredibly weary of any person I talked to after. that experience.
A couple of months after that horrible series of events, I met Chris, who is now my fiance. Unfortunately, he was over 600 miles away. Our relationship started out first as a friendship and when we decided to meet, it became something more than that. Knowing that my parents would never allow me to meet someone from the internet again, I kept our meeting hidden until after he went home again.
Eventually, I told my parents that I had met someone new and they were angry at first, but when they met Chris, they knew that I had found someone good for me and that they could trust him.
In the end I learned that keeping something from them was not the best thing, and that if this person meant so much to me, I should share them with my family and let it be known that I was serious.

Your mom may never understand your love for this person, but just make sure that he treats you with respect and remember that you deserve to be happy.

Best Wishes