Need some advice

[Erzolisae]

My SO and I have been dating LD for almost 2 years now. It will be 2 years This May. Usually we are very happy, we get along great when we visit and when each of us are at our respective homes. We Skype and FaceTime at least 4 or 5 times a week and talk and text frequently. The problem is that there are sometimes when he will be unresponsive to my texts and calls. This usually happens on a Friday or Saturday. Very rarely during the week but sometimes. This infuriates me because I am always available when he calls and if I can't answer, I will be sure to call him back at some point during the day or eve. I tell him this upsets me and he is always apologetic. We are fine for a couple of weeks then it will happen again. I can't figure it out. When he is unable to reach me or I am unresponsive to his calls. He will call me continuously until I answer. We have plans for him to Move to me within the next two years or so, and I do love him very much and am sure that he loves me too. I don't want to think negative thoughts but it is difficult not to. Why wouldn't he respond? This is really the only thing about our relationship that is bothersome. Is this normal for LDR's or should I be concerned?

[Unconditional]

Sometimes this happens to me. Most likely it's because his phone died or because he was sleeping, but that's only once in a while. I choose not to be mad because sometimes I do the same thing. Plus, he does apologize which means a lot to me. Technical difficulties happen sometimes, it shouldn't (and is hopefully not) happen all the time.

[Unicorn26]

I've had this problem too. Most of the time it's due to technical difficulties. Remember Friday and Saturday the internet and network are busy, sometimes text alerts don't happen and sometimes texts just don't go through. A couple of times I've been going insane as I've not heard from my SO when I was supposed to and he has in fact text me it just hasn't gone through.

Example - (this morning actually!)

I was talking to my SO last night and had to give and eat so said I'd get back to him. When I did, he didn't respond and it was late here so I fell asleep. I woke up at 3am to a text saying he'd had bad news, his cousin had been found dead. I was so upset, I just wanted to know he was ok and text him asking him this. I fell asleep as he didn't respond and woke up at 8am to nothing.... I went on Facebook, saw he was active and text him straight away. He didn't respond so I called him. He didn't pick up.... I text him again and it showed undelivered. I assumed he'd shut his phone off and got really upset and spent the whole morning worrying and crying. I sent him another message saying please don't shut me out and I love him and I'm always here no matter what....

When he woke up he text me straight away, he was really confused by my messages, I told him I'd seen him active on FB and I was hurt he didn't respond. He swore blind he was asleep. It turned out he'd left a FB game logged in in his mums computer and that was why he was showing as online. His phone died as he went to sleep listening to a concert on YouTube so that's why the messages wouldn't deliver.

If you're happy that he loves you, he committed and faithful, I'm sure you've got nothing to worry about. LDR can be really tough and good communication is key to success. If something is bothering you, you must make your feeling very clear. Don't expect him to guess, he won't.

Try not to overthink, we all do it (see above) and come to an arrangement about how you're going to contact each other. Remember though, there is always going to be times when he can't contact you for reasons beyond his control.

[Honour]

Probably just real life, technical difficulties and such, as mentioned above. Another thing could be... how to put this? I get lazy sometimes. I don't always respond back straightaway to my SO; for example, if I get overly comfortable on my bed whilst reading, it takes awhile for him to get an answer back from me. I mean, I always do respond, it's just in due time, and we both know it's a habit I can't break xD

Don't stress too much!

[differentcountries]

No person, CD or LD, is always available. There is school, work, work out, going to the movies, being at a party or just wanting some me time.

When you say SO is not responsive, how long is it before he gets back to you? Is it the same ammount of time he lets you be before he calls you?

[whatruckus]

Words from my boyfriend on this matter, when he does it to me, "Sometimes I just don't feel like talking to anyone and I just want to relax."

Understandable. Guys are different than girls. Sometimes they get burned out and just want a night or two to relax. Us Girls, we always want to talk.

Seeing as you said that it usually happens on a Friday or Saturday, I don't doubt that this is probably why he doesn't answer you. It's his weekend. He might just want the night to himself.

[Jaac]

I freak out about this stuff all the time.
Especially when I just got back from visiting him.
I send him messages and he doesn't respond or he responds in a weird way (which I interpret the wrong way)
Then I spend the whole time being sad thinking off all kinds of doom scenarios.
When he finally replies to my messages, there's a perfectly explainable reason for everything and I have been overreacting waaaay to much.

If you find out how to handle that stuff, let me know. Because I'm struggling with it as well

[differentcountries]

Words from my boyfriend on this matter, when he does it to me, "Sometimes I just don't feel like talking to anyone and I just want to relax."

Understandable. Guys are different than girls. Sometimes they get burned out and just want a night or two to relax. Us Girls, we always want to talk.

It is more about how we process our energy. Girls and guys can both be introvert or extrovert or something in the middle. I am more introvert then extrovert, so I need to sometimes be all alone to recharge my mental batteries - at times a night to myself is heaven. Both my guys are like that too. Sometimes CD when we er in the same room, there is none of us talking, just reading or gaming or watching a movie by ourselves, and we all have a really good time. As I write this, my husband have just gotten home, and as much as I like to see him, I am also happy he went to do the laundry so I could be all alone in the bedroom for a few more minutes (It has been a hectic day with 1st day at work and visiting my brother at the hospital after his surgery). I think that is one of those things what makes me go along so well with SO, is I understand his need to be alone (and sometimes he is the one who has to nag me a litttle bit about replies).

[leditbe]

It's completely normal to feel a bit weary toward what your SO is doing, who they're spending time with, and where they are. However, I do feel that in your particular situation, there could be some problems. I don't want to be deemed a "whistle blower" or something but if this is happening on a regular-ish basis, I would be slightly concerned about the trust and loyalty within the relationship.
Of course you don't want your SO to think you're too clingy or that you don't trust him, but at the same time you want to know for sure that he is being 100% faithful to you.
Does he ever give you an excuse about why he wasn't able to reply? Usually my when SO doesn't respond or answer a call he is in the middle of handling a work phone call, sleeping, or simply doesn't hear it.
Pay close attention to the types of excuses he gives you, and if you're still feeling uncomfortable with it down the road, I would have a serious conversation with him.

Best Wishes.
-A

[vicks5721]

also distractions like tv and internet and listening to music or reading or even doing a hobby can play a big part in how quick you will get a reply to a text or email.

I know in my experience, I get really into a tv show specially if it is a favourite subject or heartwarming story, the same thing with films. So sometimes I take ages to reply to my SO text messages, he does the same habit as well when he is watching his favourite tv show or watching American Football.

Also there has been plenty of times either one of us has just woke up to skype or text and then fell back to sleep.

Then the other thing of course is getting busy spending time with family and friends, I know when a couple of months ago I got excited to spend time with my sister and I forgot to message my SO before I left the house, as I don't have internet connection everywhere I go, and he was upset but later on I explained and said sorry and even my sister apologised and explained as well to him on facebook, which was sweet of her to do that.

I have got much better now at remembering to message him and let him know where I am going and when I am leaving, only so he doesn't worry where I went.

Which I think is understandable and he does the same thing when he is going out somewhere, I now also use my sister's internet if I am at her house to text my SO when I am there.

We both have become understanding about getting distracted when spending time with relatives and it is the norm now, also he knows it's good for me to often as possible, as soon I will be moving to America to be with him and won't see family and friends in England for a long time.

So the main thing I am saying is life and activities can take up your time and of course work, family and friends, it is good anyway to have other thing to keep yourself busy with when your SO is asleep or they are busy. I think you shouldn't worry about it too much, but also I do agree with what Leditbe said, follow your instincts and stay alert, if he is open and honest about his activities and why he couldn't reply at that time that is good sign, if there are always excuses and not wanting to say why, to me that would be a concern, honesty is important and I wish you luck with everything. That's my take on the situation.

[Petals]

It's completely normal to feel a bit weary toward what your SO is doing, who they're spending time with, and where they are. However, I do feel that in your particular situation, there could be some problems. I don't want to be deemed a "whistle blower" or something but if this is happening on a regular-ish basis, I would be slightly concerned about the trust and loyalty within the relationship.
Of course you don't want your SO to think you're too clingy or that you don't trust him, but at the same time you want to know for sure that he is being 100% faithful to you.
Does he ever give you an excuse about why he wasn't able to reply? Usually my when SO doesn't respond or answer a call he is in the middle of handling a work phone call, sleeping, or simply doesn't hear it.
Pay close attention to the types of excuses he gives you, and if you're still feeling uncomfortable with it down the road, I would have a serious conversation with him.

Best Wishes.
-A

I have to agree with this. While life can get in the way sometimes, if he goes MIA frequently at the same time and has no reasonable excuse for his absence then this might be a red flag. If he goes out with his friends during this time or have a specific activity that takes up his time at certain periods then that is understandable but he should at least give you notice.

One of the ground rules for my relationship is to be mindful of the other person's feelings and inform each other when we might be unavailable for any unusual period of time. We can call each other whenever we feel like it, but we do try to avoid interrupting work, sleep or specific times with friends/family. We also agree that as soon as we see a missed call we will respond as soon as possible... even if it's only with a quick text. Also we have emergency contact details for each other.

People are different but I just couldn't accept my fiancé being unreachable with no good explanation or actually deliberately avoiding my call because he wants to be alone or don't feel like talking. Communicate your needs to me and I will leave you be if you don't feel like talking, but do not ignore my call/text.

Hope you can work this out.

[Erzolisae]

This seems like it could be so. He always tells me what he was doing and that he wasn't able to talk at that moment. He has also told me that sometimes he just doesn't feel like talking. I understand that. I just want a quick response. An acknowledgement of my call.

[whatruckus]

This seems like it could be so. He always tells me what he was doing and that he wasn't able to talk at that moment. He has also told me that sometimes he just doesn't feel like talking. I understand that. I just want a quick response. An acknowledgement of my call.

True, but it doesn't always work that way. I wish mine would respond to me, but that dummy rarely has his phone on him if he's not at home with his laptop. And, even with his laptop sitting open right in front of him, he's not paying attention to it, or me messaging him. -_- Most of the time, he's playing video games or watching YouTube videos.

I guess it helps that I know his daily routine down to a T now, so I don't really worry. However, it really doesn't change the fact that it's still pretty damn annoying.

Also, I agree with some others in that you should take notice to the type of excuses he's giving you and exactly how often he "disappears" (as I call it when my SO does it, lol).

[Erzolisae]

True, but it doesn't always work that way. I wish mine would respond to me, but that dummy rarely has his phone on him if he's not at home with his laptop. And, even with his laptop sitting open right in front of him, he's not paying attention to it, or me messaging him. -_- Most of the time, he's playing video games or watching YouTube videos.

I guess it helps that I know his daily routine down to a T now, so I don't really worry. However, it really doesn't change the fact that it's still pretty damn annoying.

Also, I agree with some others in that you should take notice to the type of excuses he's giving you and exactly how often he "disappears" (as I call it when my SO does it, lol).

I agree. I pretty much know his routine. And maybe I shouldn't react so strongly. I am a trusting person but my mind gets away from me sometimes. His excuses aren't giving any red flags. It's just hard to deal with when I feel like I always try to take and respond to his calls.

Thanks for your advice! It has helped me a bunch!

[Unconditional]

I think everyone can have a tendency to let their mind wander. I know I almost always let's mine wander on without me lol it's nice when all my worries dissolve by simply communicating with my SO