Please Help. I am having doubts and need advice :(

[Emerald]

Ok so I was in a long distance relationship for over a year, but 5 months ago, my SO moved to my town to attend my university. Things really have been going great actually. We never fight and we love each other just so much. I love him so much that it hurts really. My only problem is that im so unsure about the future of our relationship. We both want to be in each others lives in the future, but he really wants to live in the Midwest closer to his family, and im from the south. I really don't mind moving there because Im a design major and there is more opportunity there anyway, but it kind of seems like basically if I don't find a job in Chicago or Milwaukee, we wont be able to together.

I brought up my fears to him, and told him that I feel like basically if I don't find a job in that specific area. I expected him to say something like that it didn't have to be exactly in that area, just not too far from his family, but instead he said, "yeah. Im sorry." that kind of hurt my feelings because it made me feel like he would be willing to give me up if it meant moving a little further from his family. But then he went on to say that he loves me and that he wants me to know that he is "devoted" to me. What do you think he meant by that? I feel like he doesn't realize that im willing to live hundreds of miles away from my family for the rest of my life in order to be with him, so it makes me sad that he wouldn't even be willing to move even an hour or two from his family.

I just don't know what to do. I love him too much to be able to break up with him, but at the same time, im afraid that im getting in pretty deep with someone that will just throw me away.
Its just confusing because this is someone that has told me that if he didn't end up with me then he couldn't see himself with anyone else, but it sounds like he told me that he wouldn't mind throwing me away if the situation wasn't right.

What should I do? Am I just reading too far into the things that he said?

[p_b82]

sounds to me like you are reading way too much into it.

and talk to him about the compromise, and what he meant - you may find you misunderstood, or he said that not intending you to take it that way.

[Unicorn26]

I think you're reading too much into what he said. Communication is key here, sometimes guys say things and girls take it totally the wrong way. You must talk about it and be open and honest, your relationship will be stronger for it.

For example, similar thing happened to me the other day. My SO was too tired to text me and I tried to explain to my SO that if I don't hear from him I really get worried (18 months ago he collapsed at home and was on life support for 10 days and I heard nothing). He apologised then carried on as if nothing was wrong. We ended up having a fight because I felt he was being dismissive of my fears but actually that wasn't the case at all, he was just trying to change the subject and cheer me up so I wouldn't dwell on that very worrying part of our lives.

Us girls do overthink, it's just the way we are wired but you can stop yourself, if something he said is bothering you and you're not sure what he meant by it, ask him. Most guys have no idea what's going through our minds haha!

I'm sure you will be able to find a job in that area. Even if you don't find your dream job straight away, you can get something until the right opportunity comes along, and it will.

Relax, don't worry about something that hasn't hapoened yet.

[differentcountries]

Well, could it be that he thinks that at least one of you should have network where you live? I could live with my SO in a shoebox in the ocean, but at the same time realistically we have never considered moving elsewhere then where one of us already live and work. It is hard enogh to get to know your SOs friends, so to both of you starting out fresh with no local network... I would probably not do it.

It could also be that he is not that good at brainstoorming these things. I usually try to make it into a game so it is less threatening for the both of us, we agree that everything said and put on the table are "suggestions" only, that way noone feels preassured or feel they might push someone. We make a habit out of always making more than one plan, even when we are 99 % sure we will follow throgh with our main plan. That way we always remind outselves that things could be done in other ways, and we have back up plans if our first attempt doesn't work out. The more suggestions, the better!

[aniay]

I think you're reading too much into what he said. Communication is key here, sometimes guys say things and girls take it totally the wrong way. You must talk about it and be open and honest, your relationship will be stronger for it.

THAT!

Girls and Guys speak deiffernt languages that use the same words which might be cofusing as hell.
I try to remember that my SO doesn't know how things he says/does affect me and as he is never mean I always explain how that thing he said made me feel.

My advice would be tell him how you feel about the situation, how you felt after his words and explain what you expect from him. Don't let him figure things out himself...

[Ambert]

Maybe it's just so obvious for him already that you guys are going to live close to his family, that he is not even considering anything else. Can't you literally bring it up? Literally ask him if it would be a problem if you would live just a little bit further from his family? I don't know how close he is with them, but he doesn't want to be at his familys house every day right...

[differentcountries]

If your guy is anything like my SO, make plans for yourself - and then let him in on the details and ask him how he feels about that, and ask for his comments. That is the only way I can plan with my guy!

Investigate possible jobs in the nearest bigger city, for the both of you. Look into housing and transportation. Perhaps you can find something that allows him to visit his family often. Look into commuting for you, could you use two hours a day commuting and allow him to be close to the family? Look at different time phrames ; could you make a deal to live a certain way for a year and then evaluate?

[Miasmata]

There is no such thing as "girls and guys just communicate differently", rather just individuals communicating differently. If you want him to clarify what he meant, don't be afraid, ask him directly! Dancing around the issue, dropping hints, or asking us for what he might or might not have meant is not going to net you results. Talk things out with him and tell him how you feel. A relationship is all about investing effort and trying to figure things out together. I hope you can find a good path together!

[differentcountries]

There is no such thing as "girls and guys just communicate differently", rather just individuals communicating differently.

While that is true, there is also a tendency for girls more to be into indirect communication, and to hope for reassuring responses, and for guys to be more direct but also to experience emotional overflow and cope with that by becoming short and a bit snippety. The tendence is really about becoming sad vs angry when one is frustrated.