Rant/What's really Long Distance?

[leditbe]

I'm well aware that some people are going to be offended by this, but I know I'm not the only one thinking it.

To the people posting threads about being "long distance" from their SO yet being within 3 hours driving distance from them:

1. You're not long-distance, you're lazy. Both of you. If you can't sacrifice a couple hours from your week to visit your significant other, it's not because it's too far, it's because you're not trying hard enough.
2. There are some people using this site with some real distance problems. There are international relationships, military relationships, relationships that span all the way across the country. These are people that can't help being Long Distance, myself included. I only wish I lived 3 hours from my fiance, and I'm sure others can say the same.
3. You're actually annoying. Your constant complaints about missing them or fearing that you're "not going to see them for two years" are absolutely ridiculous. You miss them? Get in your car, put on some music, and you'll be there before you get through Led Zeppelin II.
4. Along with not wanting to hear your sob story, no one feels sorry for you. Especially not the people dealing with real problems. Imagine having to wait months or maybe even years to even receive a phone call from your SO because of some unfortunate circumstance. And how about the people trying to obtain visas just so they can stay here for a little while?

I do appreciate this site because I think it helps people in actual LDRs to stay positive through all of the hard times, but it irks me beyond belief to hear someone crying about being long distance and live in the same fucking state. That's all.


-A

[Unconditional]

Who are we to judge what other people feel? Distance is distance. Yes sometimes it irks me that people with smaller distances complain about not.seeing their SO-.so I get where you're coming from, and yes I've.thought it a lot but who am I to say that their distance isn't.hard on them and their relationship? Who am I to get up on my high horse and look down upon others who are just as sad/frustrated/lonely as the rest of us?

If we measured our relationships simply by the distance we've had to overcome then it'd become a contest. Love is not a contest. It is not measured by the distance. It is not measured by the time spent together. It is not measured. Period. Love is different for everyone- hence every relationship is different. That doesn't give either one of us the right to belittle the hardships of others. We are all on a different path and are going different ways at different paces.

If you miss your loved one, and wish to be with them but for some reason life gets in the way- that to me is the essence of "long-distance." It is not measured by miles but by the hole left in your heart when you're going through daily life and realize you want nothing more than for them to be there, in that moment, with you.

It's late, so that's all I have to say on the matter right now.

[rubydissolution]

Personally I think you have absolutely no right to judge anyone on this website. Your thread is rude and and offensive. It doesn't matter if you live 300 miles or 3000 miles, you are allowed to miss someone you love.

1. You're not long-distance, you're lazy. Both of you. If you can't sacrifice a couple hours from your week to visit your significant other, it's not because it's too far, it's because you're not trying hard enough.
You do realize that there are teenagers on this forum right? Teens who don't have a car or a license. Hell even full grown adults who live in places like NYC where owning a car and driving isn't a necessity. How the hell can you call these people lazy? We have lives, people have kids, jobs, school, etc. It's not exactly easy to pick up shop and take a road trip. It's not laziness, it's life.

2. There are some people using this site with some real distance problems. There are international relationships, military relationships, relationships that span all the way across the country. These are people that can't help being Long Distance, myself included. I only wish I lived 3 hours from my fiance, and I'm sure others can say the same.
All distance is distance. Yours isn't any more important than theirs.

3. You're actually annoying. Your constant complaints about missing them or fearing that you're "not going to see them for two years" are absolutely ridiculous. You miss them? Get in your car, put on some music, and you'll be there before you get through Led Zeppelin II.
Again you have no right to call anyone annoying for posting their issues on here. The car thing, see #1. And you can't control how one person misses another. I miss my CD bf just as much as I missed my LDR bf. The feeling is no different.

4. Along with not wanting to hear your sob story, no one feels sorry for you. Especially not the people dealing with real problems. Imagine having to wait months or maybe even years to even receive a phone call from your SO because of some unfortunate circumstance. And how about the people trying to obtain visas just so they can stay here for a little while?
There isn't a filter for who's problem is more important. Your problems are no more important then the girl who isn't financially able to put gas in her car to drive 3 hours to see her bf. Being three hours from each other doesn't make a guy anymore considerate with phone calls or texts. There are plenty of people in this forum who go long periods without talking to their SOs, but they have never complained to this extent. There are sub-forums for a reason.

There are people who take advantage of this forum and post thread after thread about the same problem hoping for different responses from the first time they posted but that is an entirely different issue.

So, in conclusion...Suck it up or leave. You can't control who gets to post on this forum and I hope this thread doesn't turn people off from posting.

[Ahava]

Wow...
What happened to live and let live?
Jealousy and bitternes shine through your post OP.

I agree that it is sometimes annoying, yes, but Unconditional said it well. (Just proves how two people of the same age can be in really different places in their life/growth).
I find a lot of things annoying on this forum especially on bad days. You know I am looking at 10 years long distance. I could say that people who get to close the distance in one or two years should stop complaining.
But you know what? That is just jealousy speaking on a very bad day, and on a day like that it is best not to reply or just move to another thread.

We don't have to read or take part in the threads that annoy/hurt us or make us jealous if we are in such a bad place that we can't say anything nice. It's best to move on and just ignore those threads.
Until we are in a better place and are able to be happy for these other people.

I don't lose anything if another person manages to close the distance/gets engaged/married or [insert what ever it is that you wish for but don't have at the moment].
We don't know what struggles they have in other areas of their life.

Try just for new years sake and your own sanity to be happy for other people and have a positive attitude otherwise you will grow old miserelable and bitter and counting what you don't have instead of what you do.

Take care and try to see the good in things!

[differentcountries]

It is so easy to think we understand what the lives of others are like. And it can be so comforting to be the same, because that means that your needs are real right? and when your CD friends make you feel misunderstood, you hope we will be here.

Three hours is not three hours. It all depends. I am technically only 4 hours away from SO, but then we have to drive to the airport (half an hour to my town, one hour to his town), and go there two hours before for the international flight and so on. I can afford it, and I am lucky because of tourism giving me direct, relatively cheap flights. My language buddy has his girlfriend in a city in the "inner" of Turkey, his flights are way more expensive than mine. And I have a flexible job and an understanding boss. Not everyone is that lucky.

It is so easy to want to single out the people with the real problems, and make sure one is part of that group. I am sure we all wish we lived closer, or had it more simple... I secretly laugh every time a friend of mine goes dramatic over visiting or leaving her boyfriend in a national LDR. But I don't know what all of her life is like, who am I to judge that I have it wors? Or even make our love lives into a competition...

There are people living such lives that 3 hours is a real obsticle. Say you drive 3 hours, and then you have to drive 3 hours back. It is hard to manage that in one day. Not everyone has weekends off. My boyfriend actually never has any days off, in season/when he is working he simply can't go anywhere and he works around the clock.

I am not sure we want to be felt sorry for, but it is nice to unburden the heart of what it is full of. The real problems phraze does not make us connect. It divides.

My sister is long distance. She is shy. LD is hard on her because it forces her to be active and she can't rely on things just happening naturally. It is actually a problem because she risk not coping with the relationship because she is not up to the task of organizing visits, making sure they spend enough time together on visits etc. And the distance? I will say about 3 hours, by boat, behind all the mountains and past lots of fjords.

Everyone irks about everyone. Just give yourself a quota about how much you can bitch per month, and try to not use it all around PMS or leaving your SO.

[ronjaandbirk]

what everyone else has said already, there is nothing to add. I too want to point out that the 3 hour remark was really below the belt and makes you sound like a spoiled, inconsiderate brat with no ability to put on another person's shoe.

when my ex moved away to study we were only 3 hours or even less apart but: I can't drive because of an eye condition, neither of us couldnt afford a car, we had trouble to pay for decent food on the table and to pay the rent. we both lived in expensive towns with too few rentable rooms available, and a car costs not only gas but taxes and insurance in this country. In winter i froze all the time and was constantly sick because i couldnt afford the heat, my ex ate only pasta with cheap sauce, only he made the pasta from scratch because flour and an egg saves some euros over a pack of ready made dried ones. We saw each other in the term breaks only as a result and went up to 5 months without meeting.

Now living like this might be far away from what you are used to, but its reality to others.
My boyfriend and I now live in two different countries, 1000 kms apart and see each other about every 3 months. Id say that does qualify as a ldr or?
We live in the same timezone and are both EU citizens which means we have close to zero visa issues and conpared to many on here that makes us very fortunate.
Do i still get jealous because others see their SOs more often? hell yes, definatly does. But there is always summeone "better" off, and someone worse, and its a waste of time to compare.

[p_b82]

I wasn't sure whether to comment on this one, as it is a touchy subject - but I decided I couldn't not say what was on my mind, in the same vein the other poster's have commented.

You have absolutely no right to judge any-one else's life or perspective without knowing the facts; and to call those people lazy is rude and insulting.

I have been so hard up I had to make a choice "heat" or "eat" when I was a little older than you, and so the ability to go anywhere further than I could walk/cycle was out the question - the car was used to get to work and that was it. that was 'only' 30miles each way. Had I had a GF outside of walking distance at the time (I kinda did as it happened) then it would have been harder for me to go there, than it has been for me to travel to the US a few times this year.

LDR's are not competitions, nor are any relationship for that matter.....

Yes I can understand your frustration, and I would lie if I had not felt a similar pang on occasion myself - but from the perspective of 'i wish I had a smaller mountain to climb like your's rather than mine'

I hope this was you just having a bad day, and you are not as judgemental of others all the time....

[Unicorn26]

I understand what you mean. Sometimes I get jealous of people on here in the same country, or driving distance or in countries that are in the EU as they just don't have the barriers me and my SO have. I know that our situation was easier we would have met in person by now. One of my closest friends had a bf that lived an hour away. She was always complaining about the distance. I told her to moan about it to someone else!!!

However, no matter what the distance, being separated from your loved one is always painful. You don't know individuals circumstances, there could be financial problems, physical disabilities, stuff like that.

Sometimes friends judge me, and say my relationship with my SO isn't "real" because we've never met in person. I know that's not true, so does he. It's just circumstances are extremely difficult right now. I can't fly over to see him because of my impending divorce, he can't come here at the moment because of health and financial problems. We just have to wait, and it's no one else's business but our own.

Anyway. I hope you were just having a bad day and expressed your frustrations badly.

Peace and love....

[snow]

By your logic, people who live in the same country should simply suck it up too, right? Because, let's face it, you're both in the United States of America, so what is keeping your apart? Just because the US is big, doesn't mean you have any right to be upset, right? Do you have to face the visa issues some of us have/had to to simply see each other? No? OH, maybe you should suck it up then and not post this judgmental shit on a forum where we are here for another to overcome the distance, no matter how big or small.
Missing your SO is nothing bad, so stop making them feel bad. Like rubydissolution said, you don't know their story, there could be a million reason why they can't see each other and on this forum, we're trying to support another through these harder times.

[Alle1770]

Rubydissolution already said everything I wanted to say already, so I'm not going to make this a long post - I just wanted to point out that by your logic, to me, your relationship isn't really long distance either - it's only 650 miles, I'm 8800 miles from my SO. Point to be made is that LDR's aren't based on how far away you are, even if "distance" is a part of the term - you can live 3 hours away from each other and still not be able to visit because of other reasons such as illness, no access to car, not enough money to buy bus tickets, having kids, not being able to take time off work...

It might not be super-long distance geographically, but emotionally.

[Mims27]

Wow...
I'm almost speechless. How rude!
I agree with what everyone else has to say. Who are you to judge what LDR is or isn't. That post was completely rude and unnecessary.