advice please!

[LDL101]

I have met this wonderful man online. Our chemistry from the beginning has been great. We started talking in October and officially met Oct 25th. From this date we have seen each other 4 times and I am getting ready to see him next week. We talk everyday for long periods of time. Time has been going by slow but it feels like we have been together longer than what we have. We both have a son. We both care for one another. However, I feel that my feelings for him are getting really strong (this is a good thing). I would like for him to take down is profile which he said he will but hasn't yet. I already took mine down. I know that he looks at other women's profile and sends them messages. He says he wants to take time to build this relationship and not rush it, which I totally understand. I just feel if we are going to do this then we should both be all in. I remember a convo we had a while back and he said his subscription ends in February. Should I wait to see if he takes down his profile like he said he would or cut my losses now? His exact words in our convo tonight was we are building this relationship. He never said we are dating or we are exclusive. I know he was hurt in the past so should I just be patient and give it time? He is 16 years older than me and has already told me he wants a relationship and he will not waste my time. We both have told our families about each other so it's going in the right direction. Why keep your profile up?
What should I do?

[Petals]

Have the talk about exclusivity and tell him that his profile on the dating site gives you mixed signals. It is not a good sign that his profile is still up and you have every right to be concerned. If he wants to build a relationship with you he should not be edging his bets and sending other people messages - he is still on the prowl. He seems to have the "grass is greener syndrome" that is common with online dating. Don't hesitate to clear the air.

I met my fiance on a dating site and within 2 weeks of communicating he hid his profile and hasn't returned to that site. I hid my profile 1 week later. People operate at different pace, but 3 months is enough to know if he wants to pursue a relationship with you. There's no need to wait until his subscription expires. If you ever do online dating again. I suggest you have the exclusivity talk and remove your profile only when you are both on the same page. Removing your profile so early, puts you at a disadvantage - he's still looking while you are committed.

[LDL101]

Thanks I just don't want to seem insecure or needy. I know he doesn't feel as strong as I do.

[p_b82]

I am actually going to counter it with, don't worry about the online profile side of things - my GF still has a profile on a dating site, and while we did not meet through it, it doesn't bother me.

Why - because she can chose to act on it/follow up on things or not as the case is.

In our case we are an item, and are exclusive. So if that is an issue for you, then you need to speak to him about that, there is taking it slow and steady, and there is making a commitment, as as said, you both need to be on the same page.

As ever with all these things, communication is key, but don't focus on the profile side of things just now if I was you.

[LDL101]

Thank you for your input. I guess time will tell how true he is. He says we our in a relationship but that's it. Not sure how to take that. It is what it is for now. I don't want to think he's on that site hooking up with people after everything he's told me about how he wants to build our relationship. I just don't see how you can build a relationship and still want to send a smile or ask for a photo of another person.....etc....I will not wait too much longer. If it's in Gods plan for us then it will be. It's still early but he really needs to make up his mind and not strattle the fence.

[Miasmata]

You should definitely talk this through and inform him clearly about your concerns. Tell him that you want to trust him, but he should not send what you feel are mixed signals. It's good that you are being cautious. Give him a chance, but not an infinite one.

[LDL101]

Thanks for the advice I will give him a chance but after a couple of months he's going to need to make up is mind for sure. I can build a relationship with anyone.... What I want is an honest commitment. Thanks for all the advice everyone.