Am I moving too fast?

[LolaJ]

HI Everyone!
As you all can see I'm new here. I'm new to a lot of things in regards to this. I read a few different threads to gain perspective on my situation.
Last February, I started talking on IG and KIK with my now LDR. He's my imperfectly perfect version of perfection.
We've gone through quite a bit together in the past year. He has trust issues, as do I. We've overcome most of our issues from the past together and grown to be quite vulnerable with each other. We are each others safe place. We just recently met for the New Year and had a wonderful time with each other. I was extremely nervous, because what if he wasn't at all like he was via text or facetime? He's extremely patient and supportive, as am I.
It's been increasingly difficult for me to think of a future when we live more than 3K miles and an ocean apart. My work allows me to travel and live anywhere I so choose. I just don't want to force him. My lease is up pretty soon, and I'm faced with the option of getting locked in a lease for another year potentially. Which I don't want to do, for a multitude of reasons. I would love to travel the world for awhile. He has work, and wouldn't be able to join me. He lives in the UK which I love. I would love to go there. I'd of course get my own apt. I don't expect him to want to move in so soon. We're both taking this relationship very serious and we want to get to know each other better. I know I can go with my heart and etc. I was just wondering if anyone out there had any similar situations.
Am I crazy for even entertaining this idea. Please be open minded and I appreciate ALL opinions.

[The_gentle_Hart]

Each relationship is a little different, so "fast" is all a bit relative The pace of your relationship is really up to you and your SO.
That said, communication is key here. Definitely talk to him about your job flexibility and the fact that you've been considering exploring the UK a bit. Float the idea by him and see how he reacts. Does he show interest or reluctance to pursue the topic further? Is he excited or reserved?

Try and open up a dialogue and facilitate communication! See where it takes you

[differentcountries]

I would suggest you get a short term lease, travel the world for a while and visit him when you can, then look into the possability of relocating with your job to the UK and get a short term lease there, so that you can possably move in with him if you so want at a later point in time. If you give it some time, and show your face a few times over the next year, he might become used to the idea of having you closer.

[LolaJ]

Each relationship is a little different, so "fast" is all a bit relative The pace of your relationship is really up to you and your SO.
That said, communication is key here. Definitely talk to him about your job flexibility and the fact that you've been considering exploring the UK a bit. Float the idea by him and see how he reacts. Does he show interest or reluctance to pursue the topic further? Is he excited or reserved?

Try and open up a dialogue and facilitate communication! See where it takes you

You're right. Time is not a measure of love. Thank you so much! It's so difficult discussing this with close minded people, especially those who've never been in a LDR. I tell him everything. We discussed briefly what my options were when I told him about the lease situation. He started sending me photos of potential houses and apartments in my price range. He even mentioned what "we" could do as fun with his nephews and parties... etc. I feel secure in our relationship he's my best friend and we discuss nearly everything. I also think that I over-analyze things a bit too much. I so appreciate you!

[LolaJ]

[Petals]

I say go for it if you have no restrictions like kids etc. and like you said, your work/career won't be disrupted. I say go for it ONLY if he is enthusiastic about the idea. If he is hesitant for any reason then don't make the move.

LDRs are tough and if you have the chance to be CD without putting yourself at a disadvantage I see nothing wrong with it. CD will give you both a better idea as to how suited you are as a couple, plus you will get to live somewhere that you love. You have been communicating for a year so it's not as if he's a total stranger or you are moving in with him.

[LolaJ]

I would suggest you get a short term lease, travel the world for a while and visit him when you can, then look into the possability of relocating with your job to the UK and get a short term lease there, so that you can possably move in with him if you so want at a later point in time. If you give it some time, and show your face a few times over the next year, he might become used to the idea of having you closer.

You've read my mind. I'm totally open to the idea of traveling a bit. Of course, it would be wonderful to do with him by my side. At the same time though, I don't wanna rob myself of any opportunities. I thought maybe starting and ending my journey in the UK. I can only stay for 6 months within a calendar year anyway. Unless we're married. (Yes, I did the research! LOL) We chatted about it briefly while we were in each others presence. He stated the guilt/grief he'd feel if I didn't like it there in the UK or god forbid, our relationship failed... I don't get to talk about my relationship with him to anyone other than him really. He's no secret, but most people don't understand our relationship and I'm not looking for acceptance. Now, that I have discussed it a bit, I think we both might be over analyzing everything.

[LolaJ]

I say go for it if you have no restrictions like kids etc. and like you said, your work/career won't be disrupted. I say go for it ONLY if he is enthusiastic about the idea. If he is hesitant for any reason then don't make the move.

LDRs are tough and if you have the chance to be CD without putting yourself at a disadvantage I see nothing wrong with it. CD will give you both a better idea as to how suited you are as a couple, plus you will get to live somewhere that you love. You have been communicating for a year so it's not as if he's a total stranger or you are moving in with him.

I think we both just don't wanna force or hurt the other. We're extremely protective of each others hearts. We've both been hurt A LOT! You're advice is so helpful. It's truly a relief to find a forum with like minded people. It's been extremely tough. I wish 12/31/14 wasn't our first meeting. We had two scheduled meetings prior, but it was CHAOTIC! I almost didn't make this visit either. I was JUST that determined and couldn't let anything affect me finally meeting him. I like the idea of us actually "dating" as weird as it sounds.
We get along wonderfully, but more quality time is needed I believe and closing the distance especially more frequently is probably the best. We both crave the organic connection that does unfortunately come from physically being each others presence. The intimacy is what's lacking through FaceTime.

[p_b82]

I am in a similar position to you but going the other way, and a few more financial ties.

You've been together for about a year, so should know each other quite well by now, and moving close but not directly together is a 'safe' step towards a more permanent relocation, so could well be worth investigating.

As long as you are both happy to walk into the situation with open minds and hearts with no regrets or consequences then it sounds to me like coming over this way for a bit as part of your travels would be excellent.

You can find room/house shares on typically short term leases in most towns so you could do soem travelling stay for a month or two, then go travel elsewhere etc.

Sounds all very exciting, so wish you luck

[Ambert]

I am guessing that you have already met each other a few times in real too? For me personally, it would be good to have been around each other for a longer period of time (not just 3 days) so you can find out what it's like together. Of course, moving to the UK would be a good way to do that. The problem is tho, do you have any friends there? Family? And, are you someone who can handle a bit of 'loneliness' or 'new situations'. As long as you wouldn't be stuck in the UK IF (IFIFIFIF) the relationship would turn out wrong, I think you can go with it. This is just my worst case scenario of course, but I think it's actually a good idea for you to move there and be around him a little more

[LolaJ]

I don't have any friends there, and I know what you mean by the big "IF". Yes, I'm actually a bit of a loner anyway. Not because of any social anxiety, but because my solitude is usually enough for me. Unfortunately, we've only met once. We spent five wonderful days together. Which, I'm extremely grateful for, but how will we ever know if we're compatible like we think without spending more time?
That's more of a rhetorical question. I really do love the UK and don't mind getting out and about to venture and allow him his space.

[Honour]

I know you're SO's in the UK, but damn, the weather here!

Ahem. Anyway.

Honestly, if your SO is okay with it, have some time to travel. Then relocate with your SO. Or... relocate, then travel with him if he could get some time off work! The first option is probably a whole lot more realistic though, but keep in mind it's up to you both to decide on the matter, not just you. Good luck and have lots of fun!

[Miasmata]

Moving in together simply because you need a place soon is at least risky. It puts more pressure on the relationship on top of the stress you'll face adapting to a new country. It can definitely work out, but it's tricky. I'm in favor of you getting a short term lease and travelling a bit more first before you settle down in a new country. Best of luck to you both!

[LolaJ]

I know this might sound crazy. I don't mind the weather at all. I love having a variation of temps. I'm a bit of a pluviophile anyway. I love the overcast and rain. LOL I apppreciate your kind and honest words. We're taking a cruise in April, he's coming here to the US, and then we'd have to schedule something after that. Which will most likely include me touring Europe and the UK for just a bit. Seeing him more often than every 90 days and maybe just taking it from there.

[LolaJ]

You're absolutely right! That's why I would definitely get my own flat if I decided to stay in the UK on a semi permanent basis! I researched a bit more and this whole thing is totally possible! I just don't wanna be forceful or inconsiderate. I also would hate for him to think I'm crowding his space.