How to comfort from a distance?

[Pdf3]

My guy is having a terrible week.. Earlier this week he found out a family member had commit suicide. Which is dreadful enough. But the next day he found out his dog, which he rescued 3 months ago, is really really sick and has to be put down. I've done what I can to comfort him with words but it doesn't feel like enough.. We are so far away from each other that I don't know what else I can do..

[Honour]

It's the little things that count in situations like this. Can you send him through the mail? Leave lots of little sweet messages for him on whatever you guys use to talk over, let him know that you're constantly by his side and thinking about him. It may not seem like much but it can mean the difference between a smile and tears.

[ronjaandbirk]

I agree, small loving things are good. My Boyfriend is sad at the moment too, and two days ago I send him a love letter through an unexpected channel (regular email- we never use that normally) and it made him smile because it came in an unexptected moment and he loved it.

but I know it's terribly tough.. having the same problem at the moment :/

[differentcountries]

SO had 2 kittens die on him recently. And when I met him, his only sister died half a year earlier. How you comfort? Basically through every mean but the physical. You say kind words, you write I think of you... you can make him laugh and take his mind off things.

what we do a lot, is we talk about me making him tea! It is a really simple thing, but it a sort of realistic fantasy that seems to work in comforting him.

Another thing; read him. If he wants to talk, talk. If he doesn't want to think about it, don't ask (for now). If you are unsure, try out gentle versions of different approaches. Sometimes everthing works, or nothing works. It is the same as CD.

SO is considerint tattooing a remorial tattoo of his sister and I encourage him to do it, he has basically asked me (he likes to ask my permission for things, which I adore). Especially since he lives away from his family, he needs something to remember her by and so I want him to do it, and I tell him so.

It doesn't just have to be words. LD comfort can be:
- music (links to YouTube, for instance)
- pictures
- it you write in apps or Facebook, you can send "love" icons or "physical touch" icons, or even "I am sad" icons. I believe Viber even has "comfort" icons.
- send him a letter, or a package
- plan a visit etc.

[TaraMarie]

There's not a lot you can do. I know from experience. Time makes things easier.

[p_b82]

There is no much you can do, but ask them what they need, and then try to provide it, some need space, others need things to take their mind off.

My GF lost her dad just after thanksgiving, so I know what you are going through - just let them know you love them and you are there for them, the rest will get better with time.....

[Unicorn26]

It's very difficult. Just make sure you're always available if he needs you. Sending something in the mail is helpful too.

I'm going through something similar at the moment, my SO found out last week that his cousin went missing before Christmas and was found dead in a creek last week. She had an abusive marriage and his family are convinced her husband murdered her. It's tough on him at the minute and I just wish I could hug him....

Hang in there, these things usually make you stronger.

[Hollandia]

I was a mess when I lost my dad for a long time. I found most comfort with strangers that did know my pain or feel awkward around me, or worse yet try too hard. Just let him lead you on how he wants to deal with it. Something like " I am here for you, as much or as little as you need or want from me." and then change the subject till it comes up again. There are five stages of grief and so expect to see some or all of them.

[Dwessie]

We do everything DifferentCountries said, and I never think I am doing enough, but she says I am better at comforting her than everyone else is!
In the beginning of our relationship we were kinda terrible at calming each other down, but now she knows what to do and I do too.

[Miasmata]

Agreeing with a lot of what has been said already. The little things and gestures mean a lot. Give him space, but reassure him that you are there for him when he needs you. It's a tough time, but you can make it better together. I wish you the best!

[Unconditional]

I agree with everyone here.

Coming from someone who was on the other end of the comforting spectrum I assure you it means the world to us that you're simply there for us whether we choose to talk or not. Do give us space initially but let us know that you are there should we be ready to talk. Also, try to be positive and upbeat, that really helps me. My SO was really positive and sweet, even though he knew he couldn't do enough, he did more than anyone else did so I will forever be grateful for him and what he did. Anything you can do and have done I assure you it probably means the world to him right now.