Breaking the news to family! :)

[Happygirl123]

Hey guys! So...I've decided that its time to tell my dad about my current situation.. And was just wondering, how was it for you all?

I'm 20, and am currently living at home. I know some people may say "well you're an adult you can do whatever you please" etc..but when you live at home, it's just not that simple! I don't just want to disregard my parents feelings. Nor do I want to keep hiding from my dad just to keep him happy (and I shouldn't have to). Especially since my SO is planning to visit me soon. I wouldn't wanna drop the bombshell 1 week before his arrival.

See my problem is, he's kinda old school. He's fairly over protective you could say, and I'm his "little girl". I live in the UK and my SO is from the USA. So there's a fair amount of distance between us (4,000 miles to be precise). I know that just the thought alone to my dad would probably freak him out! Only to make matters worse by the fact that I met him online! (Instagram funnily enough). So this would be our first meet. I'm hoping he would understand how feelings can develop..even through a screen. We've been communicating every day for a year now, and we're both sure this is what we want.

Luckily for me, I've already told my mum and she's supportive - and will support me when I tell my dad. I've had relationships, I have a fair amount of independence, but I feel like this so far is the cherry on the cake (stress wise for him).

Have any of you been in a similar scenario? If so, how did you tell your parents? And more importantly, how did the outcome go?

Thanks!

[vicks5721]

I knew before I told my parents they would be okay with it but I was nervous to say the facts like when we got engaged and that I would move to America eventually from England, mainly because I felt strange and awkward as I had never done things like that before I met my SO, my soulmate, but then when I did finally tell them I found they were okay with it and it wasn't as awkward as I thought. The main reason I felt awkward with telling my Dad for example is he is not the kind of guy who talks about feelings and such, luckily my SO was in England when I told them we had got engaged. I live at home with my mum and I understand what you mean like for example mum noticed when I first started talking to my SO that I was on my phone all the time when I rarely was before and that I stayed up early hours of the morning on Skype.

I haven't been in your experience exactly really as my parents are very understanding and supportive from the start due to fact I have been abroad to live and work before, also that they want me to do what makes me happy. My advice to you is to when you tell your Dad about him arrange times when your parents can skype chat with your SO when possible so they can meet him to know he is a good person and so they can get to know him before he comes to visit you, so when the days arrives he comes to UK, your parents will feel more at ease.

Also ask your mum to help you and be there when you tell your Dad, show as many pictures as you can of your SO to him, also another way your Dad would ease to the idea is to show him you are responsible etc.

[dandelion]

Hey guys! So...I've decided that its time to tell my dad about my current situation.. And was just wondering, how was it for you all?

I'm 20, and am currently living at home. I know some people may say "well you're an adult you can do whatever you please" etc..but when you live at home, it's just not that simple! I don't just want to disregard my parents feelings. Nor do I want to keep hiding from my dad just to keep him happy (and I shouldn't have to). Especially since my SO is planning to visit me soon. I wouldn't wanna drop the bombshell 1 week before his arrival.

See my problem is, he's kinda old school. He's fairly over protective you could say, and I'm his "little girl". I live in the UK and my SO is from the USA. So there's a fair amount of distance between us (4,000 miles to be precise). I know that just the thought alone to my dad would probably freak him out! Only to make matters worse by the fact that I met him online! (Instagram funnily enough). So this would be our first meet. I'm hoping he would understand how feelings can develop..even through a screen. We've been communicating every day for a year now, and we're both sure this is what we want.

Luckily for me, I've already told my mum and she's supportive - and will support me when I tell my dad. I've had relationships, I have a fair amount of independence, but I feel like this so far is the cherry on the cake (stress wise for him).

Have any of you been in a similar scenario? If so, how did you tell your parents? And more importantly, how did the outcome go?

Thanks!

Hello!
Well, I was in the same situation living with my parents when I met my man. I was 21 years old when we met online and 22 years old when we met in person. I was keeping it in a secret for a long time from my dad, even thought I was quite independent person.
When my boyfriend (now husband) visited me first time only my mum knew about that, don't know why was I being so silly that I was not saying anything to my dad for so long time... Maybe because I was afraid he wouldn't accept the fact that my boyfriend was not from the same country as me with the same religion and culture, plus we met in the internet and I didn't think he would get it in a normal way, I just wanted to wait for more time and say to him the truth after we had actually met in person, but I was not brave enough to say truth to my dad until before 2 weeks from my husband's second visit to. My mum knew about that for a long time and she was keeping that secret for me but was saying everyday to me that we should say the truth to my dad because she was sure he wouldn't have problem and he would love him...
So when I told him everything he got it in a normal way and when they met he loved him very much... I felt so much relaxed and happy after saying that to my dad that I was saying to myself I had to do that a long time ago..

That's cool idea if you say to him about your SO now and as vicks adviced ask your mum to be with you and support you. The fact that your SO is travelling from USA to UK to see you is a lot and say that to your dad and try and make a meeting for them so they can see him in person and know by themselves that your SO is really cool person and he really loves you.

Wish you good luck and very cool, lovely, full of love first meeting! First meeting is the best! <3

[Happygirl123]

My dad is the same in that respect, not really the type to discuss feelings and "love" etc.. you're right about giving them the possibility about speaking, even for 5 minutes, on skype. I think when you can put a face to a name it makes the situation slightly easier, rather than imagining this huge question mark! Thank you for the tips! And congratulations on your engagement It's very uplifting to see that LDR's can and do work!

[Happygirl123]

Hello!
Well, I was in the same situation living with my parents when I met my man. I was 21 years old when we met online and 22 years old when we met in person. I was keeping it in a secret for a long time from my dad, even thought I was quite independent person.
When my boyfriend (now husband) visited me first time only my mum knew about that, don't know why was I being so silly that I was not saying anything to my dad for so long time... Maybe because I was afraid he wouldn't accept the fact that my boyfriend was not from the same country as me with the same religion and culture, plus we met in the internet and I didn't think he would get it in a normal way, I just wanted to wait for more time and say to him the truth after we had actually met in person, but I was not brave enough to say truth to my dad until before 2 weeks from my husband's second visit to. My mum knew about that for a long time and she was keeping that secret for me but was saying everyday to me that we should say the truth to my dad because she was sure he wouldn't have problem and he would love him...
So when I told him everything he got it in a normal way and when they met he loved him very much... I felt so much relaxed and happy after saying that to my dad that I was saying to myself I had to do that a long time ago..

That's cool idea if you say to him about your SO now and as vicks adviced ask your mum to be with you and support you. The fact that your SO is travelling from USA to UK to see you is a lot and say that to your dad and try and make a meeting for them so they can see him in person and know by themselves that your SO is really cool person and he really loves you.

Wish you good luck and very cool, lovely, full of love first meeting! First meeting is the best! <3

Hi 'dandelion'!
Your situation sounded really similar to my current situation. My mum is also covering up for me, and she too keeps telling me that we should tell my dad because the longer we wait, the harder it will be and also she says that she knows him on a different level than I do, and that she believes that he will accept it, even if at first he finds the thought difficult or maybe he struggles. I guess im mostly worried about my dad thinking years ahead and imagining me going to live in the USA.. not because he doesn't like the USA, but because I would be the first one to do such a thing, and he probably just wants me close.

It's encouraging to know that your dad took it in that way, my dad is fairly traditional and I think maybe you are right and one day i'm going to think why didn't i tell him earlier I will definitely have them meet when he comes (providing everyone is on board) and perhaps on the next occasion he may let me visit the states (since my SO may have a hard time finding time to come and see me because he is in the Military).

I am really happy for you that everything has worked out and thank you for your advice!

[Honour]

You'd be amazed to hear my situation is almost EXACTLY the same as yours. I'm in the UK, SO is in the states. Almost 4,000 miles away. My dad is closed-minded and very overprotective, but my mum is more understanding and open-minded. I'm in the process of dropping hints to my mum, bit by bit. My dad is going to be even harder to convince, and honestly? I'm not looking forward to it. But the time will come, and when the chance arises, I'll be letting him know as soon as possible.

[Happygirl123]

You'd be amazed to hear my situation is almost EXACTLY the same as yours. I'm in the UK, SO is in the states. Almost 4,000 miles away. My dad is closed-minded and very overprotective, but my mum is more understanding and open-minded. I'm in the process of dropping hints to my mum, bit by bit. My dad is going to be even harder to convince, and honestly? I'm not looking forward to it. But the time will come, and when the chance arises, I'll be letting him know as soon as possible.

ah! its a hard one! i think getting my mum on my side was the best thing that i couldve done. depending on how you are with your mum and dad, tell her first. i think if i tried to tell them both at the same time, id have to deal with 2 people freaking out, now i just have 1 LOL. im not looking forward to it either ive never had to really mention something like this.. and usually in the past when ive done something wrong my dads always freaked out. but i think the difference in this situation is that i havent done anything 'wrong'. he'll probably be mad at me at first and think i 'allowed' it to happen, since we met online as well.. but hopefully he'll come to realise, as will your dad, that these things just fall into place!

i wish you the best when you do decide to spill the beans, and let me know how it goes!

[Honour]

Lol, I've mentioned one other LDR to my parents, and my mum didn't approve of the guy, and my dad banned me for 6 months from talking to him before I saw what an idiot he was. This is partially why I've got to be extra careful; my SO isn't anything like this. He's done more good for me in the short time we've been together than in 3 years with my ex. Some of the hints I've been dropping would be quite funny to an outsider looking in on the many conversations I've had with my mum. "Mum, you should hear this about a really cool friend of mine.." "Mum, I think he has a crush on me..." "Mum, I've got a crush on him too, is that a bad thing?" And so on. xD

[Happygirl123]

It's a good thing that you realised eventually on your own that he wasn't the right guy for you, rather than just ceasing communication because of your dad. I think LDRs need a lot of perseverance - that's my plan of action with my dad anyway. I'll be calm, even if he loses it, but I will let him know that he cannot try and "stop" me from being with him (even though I don't think he would).

Your mum probably has it figured our already, especially if you mentioned the crush thing. Have you thought about just telling her straight? It will probably be easier to lean on her when you tell your dad. I'm counting on my mum's support lol

[bubblehits]

My story was kind of similar to yours, I was 20 when I first start talking to my SO after we met online. But I decided to go visit him in the US instead of him coming here. Both my parents are very protective of me, dad especially. For a long time I used to talk about my SO as a 'friend', but I think my mum could tell he meant more to me than that.

It was when it came to telling my dad about the trip where he was asking about where I was staying and those arrangements and me telling him that I was staying in my SO's room because he meant more to me as a friend he was my boyfriend. Admittedly he didn't really take it well for about a month, he wouldn't talk to me much. But he slowly understood that even if he didn't like it, I wasn't going to change my mind or my feelings.

For parents it's the worry of not knowing the other person. When we Skype my SO sometimes says hello to my parents if they are in the room, my mum asked for my SO's address and stuff and stalked him on google to see if he was who he said. And then when I visited we did a video chat to my family so they could see I was safe and that the person I was with actually was my boyfriend.

Living with your family does make it slightly harder because even though people say you can do whatever you want to do want to make your home life hard by making people upset. I get scared a lot that my parents will throw me out one of these days since I'm 21 now, (especially since I just told them I'm going to go back and stay with my SO for 7 weeks after I resign from my job so I can find a new one when I come back).

I wish you luck in telling your families. I hope all goes well.

[Honour]

It's a good thing that you realised eventually on your own that he wasn't the right guy for you, rather than just ceasing communication because of your dad. I think LDRs need a lot of perseverance - that's my plan of action with my dad anyway. I'll be calm, even if he loses it, but I will let him know that he cannot try and "stop" me from being with him (even though I don't think he would).

Your mum probably has it figured our already, especially if you mentioned the crush thing. Have you thought about just telling her straight? It will probably be easier to lean on her when you tell your dad. I'm counting on my mum's support lol

My mum's already figured it out, I'm just beating round the bush until I pluck up the courage to say something. I feel like Courage the Cowardly Dog, I tell you!

I'm counting on my mum too. I just really hope my dad doesn't take this the wrong way like he did last time.

[Happygirl123]

My story was kind of similar to yours, I was 20 when I first start talking to my SO after we met online. But I decided to go visit him in the US instead of him coming here. Both my parents are very protective of me, dad especially. For a long time I used to talk about my SO as a 'friend', but I think my mum could tell he meant more to me than that.

It was when it came to telling my dad about the trip where he was asking about where I was staying and those arrangements and me telling him that I was staying in my SO's room because he meant more to me as a friend he was my boyfriend. Admittedly he didn't really take it well for about a month, he wouldn't talk to me much. But he slowly understood that even if he didn't like it, I wasn't going to change my mind or my feelings.

For parents it's the worry of not knowing the other person. When we Skype my SO sometimes says hello to my parents if they are in the room, my mum asked for my SO's address and stuff and stalked him on google to see if he was who he said. And then when I visited we did a video chat to my family so they could see I was safe and that the person I was with actually was my boyfriend.

Living with your family does make it slightly harder because even though people say you can do whatever you want to do want to make your home life hard by making people upset. I get scared a lot that my parents will throw me out one of these days since I'm 21 now, (especially since I just told them I'm going to go back and stay with my SO for 7 weeks after I resign from my job so I can find a new one when I come back).

I wish you luck in telling your families. I hope all goes well.

Thank you for replying. I can really relate to your experience. I too, started off with the whole "friend" scenario but my mum gradually eased into it. I think it also helped that she knew from the start that we spoke, I didn't hide it because I didn't think it would get to this level. I just though, "oh look mum a message from a guy In the states".

I'm sure that my dad won't let me visit him without him seeing each other first, hence why I'm hoping he gets time off from the military so he can visit. I understand that even though I know everything about him, to my dad, he's just a stranger across the ocean..and the fear that if I needed him (my dad) he's 4000 miles away.

I too am worried that my dad won't talk to me, I'm guessing he won't since this is his typical reaction. But I think like you, when he sees the seriousness of it he will support me.

I have hope that things will work out