Any ideas on what I can do?

[S41r4]

Basically, my main problem is, I love my gf to pieces but in some ways we are really different. I’m way more expressive, emotional and just generally more lovey dovey than she is. She’s usually a lot more matter of fact. Of course she tells me she loves me too but I don’t think once in the 20 months I’ve known her, has she ever randomly spontaneously sent me a message along the lines of anything remotely romantic or cute. Sure she’ll say “you make me feel the same way” or will tell me she can’t stop thinking about me too But I probably everyday remind her, why I love her or why I think she’s the best or how she makes me feel.

A few days ago I came back from our third visit and in between the second and third we had some problems. We’ve decided to get back together and this past week together showed us why we’re so perfect together. In person, she can’t do enough for me and is the best. Whilst with her I even said it feels like a new relationship purely because we both have zero doubts now about why we work and how we feel. In person she told me how much she loves me and wants to compromise and be the best she can for me.

So I come back from visiting her in America and I just assumed we would naturally be closer or our communication would be cuter. It wasn’t. She’s assured me it was just a bad timing weekend because it was her last weekend in her town for 6 weeks and had a lot to do and from her perspective, she thought, “well we just spent 6 amazing days together, I’m so happy and we feel so strong and therefore it wouldn’t matter if we were both busy”
My perspective is “ I love you I miss you, I feel like I’ve had a reality shock by being back in London, I wanna soften the blow and talk more not less”

To be honest, we have resolved our issue because I couldn’t help but be annoyed and pull away and she was getting frustrated because she began to feel like she wasn’t enough. We love each other and both feel not right if we’re not okay and last night we talked and resolved it.

Any way… back to the original question. How do you manage when each person is so different when it comes to expression and romance?

Things I know –

She loves me, she’s battling with sexuality and religion which is huge for me, that tells me all I need to know about how strong her feelings are for me
She has made some changes – she sykped with me for 30 on Sunday whilst hungover, it was out first skype since I’d been back. She usually would never skype when she feels so rotten, she's also the one who initiated skype tonight.
We work and I want this

I don’t want to come off needy or clingy and sure I can keep myself busy with work, friends all the usual. But I don’t want to act differently to the way I naturally feel inclined to. I want to text her and be cute and sweet because that’s just me, I want her to know even though she’s so far from me, she’s my world. I just wish she felt the desire to be that way too.

Wow sorry for the length!!

[p_b82]

This post is actually pretty much an accurate reflection of my situation too, and it nearly broke us apart - and still might.

the distance is tough, it is very difficult for some people to display the romatic side through just some words on a screen, or by talking to your face on another screen etc.

What you essentially have to decide, is knowing that things are good when you are together, can you remain happy enough, and not harbour any resentment for the time that you two are apart, knowing that you behave differently?

she has been open and honest with you, she has tried to explain herself, and you need to work out (as I have had to do this past week - see the thread I created) if you can accept it, and know that the romantic side is going to be mostly one sided. If you can't then the LDR will be doomed, if you can, then great

Good luck!

[MissingMyDutchLove]

The thing about relationships is that you need to respond to the person's love languages even if they don't align with yours. It goes both ways, but some people are better at pick up the signals than others. I think you need to sit down/skype and talk about what your love language is and how she can make you feel more loved. Don't make it a negative thing, but just explain that you need more X because of Y.

I had something similar where I felt extremely needy until my SO was able to understand the things to say and do to make me feel loved and secure in our relationship. It's about working together to make BOTH of you feel loved, and if she feels the same way, she'll want to make a change so that you feel that way too. Good luck! Hope this helps!

[distantkisses]

I know exactly how you feel im the one always texting the big "i love you, you are my world" and all i get back is "you to babe" I feel like he doesn't miss me as much as i miss him but then I understand how he is and I am, so I express my feelings it a way that wont make him feel bad for not doing more, I tell him while he is gone I really need to hear a nice message to come from his heart occasionally, because we dont see each other for so long i still need to feel some love back other then that same words over and over again. and then in return i give him something that he wants that he expresses to me. just make sure you keep calm while saying it other wise it can lead to arguments. I hope i helped.

[S41r4]

The thing is, I know she wants to try so that's definitely a positive. It's better than is completely clashing over it. She also said not to reach premature conclusions like "she's not going to follow through with her promises" based off of one weekend which as she quite clearly said was just a bad timing weekend. I know she loves me and I’m completely in her head and heart. Its just a little frustrating, I wish I was just less worked up about this.
In some ways I feel as though I set myself up for feeling this way because I took the perfect week to mean it would continue when we’re back to being apart too. But I know I can’t judge or conclude based off of one weekend but as I pointed out, she made me snap out that happy bubble when I felt let down and she can’t bring me back to it because we’re not together in person again.

Interestingly, she asked me if this negated any of the good from last week and even though it doesn't. I think in person we are perfect. I did say, I feel like I'm dating two different people, which she didn't like to hear and said she would work on.

I guess we're just a work in progress, Am I ranting? sorry!x

[Honour]

To me, it sounds as if she's battling herself. You mentioned sexuality and religion were two of those things bothering her, that may have swayed her focus and train of thinking for awhile and affected her more than you realise. I'm not saying for sure it has, but for me, I know it would do. I'm openly bisexual, and it took me years to settle with this and come to the conclusion that I was bisexual. I'd fought with myself for a long time, though it wasn't worth the stress it brought with it. All I can add to what I've already said is that she's different by the sounds of things in various manners to you, and I'm afraid she's not likely to change her opinions and behaviours readily or with ease for anyone. I'm sure you can accept her as she is, though; it sounds as if you do. Don't fret too much.