Dealing with/talking out jealousy

[Farawayhan]

I get very jealous too, my boy is friends with a lot of girls as well. However, he's chosen me and I have to remember that, your boy wouldn't be with you if he didn't want to be. You have to tell him it bothers you, one of the most important things in an LDR is honesty. It's good that you trust him, and good that you know him well enough to know he wouldn't do it, or would tell you if you did, I'm the same with my boyfriend, I know he'd feel so guilty if anything did happen he'd have to tell me, but I trust him 100% and know he would never hurt me.

Keep strong and trust him, it's the best way!

[lykim]

My SO got asked on a date by two guys in the past week, it makes me extremely jealous and I become upset because I just wish I was with her, so I can relate. My best advice is to just stay strong and one day everything will be perfect.

[merlinkitty]

I trust him completely.... Though I do trust him, the fact that he hangs out with her and doesn't text back while hanging out with her makes me uneasy. I'm not paranoid, I believe that if anything were to happen that he would tell me about it. But my crazy girlfriend buzzer is going off and I don't like it. Do I tell him it bothers me?

Your original post is full of contradictions. Let me call this real quick. You are jealous. You don't trust him. At least not where this chick is concerned. That's why you started this conversation. You say he's got numerous guy and girl friends, but you don't get this feeling with any of the rest of them, do you? Jealousy is born out of insecurities. In short, he is engaging in behavior that is making you feel insecure.

Of course he doesn't think anything is wrong with you hanging out with your "past fling". Like whatruckus said, it's past tense for you. This is present tense for him. And I agree with other posters. If something has or will happen between these two, you'll be the last to find out, regardless what you two have promised each other.

You're telling us you trust him. It sounds really good on paper, but you admit it bothers you. Whatever your relationship is, you two have both blurred the line between what you say is acceptable to you and what actually is acceptable to you. With ex's and crushes lurking around every corner (maybe that's a little dramatic lol), you've both backed yourselves into a position where it's "well if s/he's doing it, then I can too!" Except in your case, you don't like how it's making you feel.

I'm really glad you spoke to him about it and he promised to introduce you both. But that still doesn't mean you have to accept it. I met my ex's ex-girlfriend and I tell you what, knowing he still had feelings for her did not make me feel any better after putting a face on her.

Try and do yourself the favor of stripping your mind of ideas of what you're "supposed" to do and how you "should" act if you were a supportive girlfriend. I think those ideas are a lot of hooey and get in the way of instincts that are actually trying to take care of you. So listen to them. Make sure he knows that you're not comfortable being ignored when you know he's with her, but don't go out of your way to control his time either when you know he is. In your position I would never ask him to stop seeing her; he should care enough for you to make that decision on his own. I would hope the same applies if it turned out he was uncomfortable with you hanging out with your ex.

Trust is a topic I could go on about for ages, and I promise I won't. The only thing I will say about it is this; trust is built of actions, not words. You can talk about how you'd react given any number of situations until you're blue in the face. The fact remains, you never know until confronted how someone will actually behave. It's hard to get a reign on yourself when experiencing strong emotions (love, fear, jealousy, anger). But I would try. You don't have to accept being jealous over this chick. Ever.

[whatruckus]

Your original post is full of contradictions. Let me call this real quick. You are jealous. You don't trust him. At least not where this chick is concerned. That's why you started this conversation. You say he's got numerous guy and girl friends, but you don't get this feeling with any of the rest of them, do you? Jealousy is born out of insecurities. In short, he is engaging in behavior that is making you feel insecure.

Of course he doesn't think anything is wrong with you hanging out with your "past fling". Like whatruckus said, it's past tense for you. This is present tense for him. And I agree with other posters. If something has or will happen between these two, you'll be the last to find out, regardless what you two have promised each other.

You're telling us you trust him. It sounds really good on paper, but you admit it bothers you. Whatever your relationship is, you two have both blurred the line between what you say is acceptable to you and what actually is acceptable to you. With ex's and crushes lurking around every corner (maybe that's a little dramatic lol), you've both backed yourselves into a position where it's "well if s/he's doing it, then I can too!" Except in your case, you don't like how it's making you feel.

I'm really glad you spoke to him about it and he promised to introduce you both. But that still doesn't mean you have to accept it. I met my ex's ex-girlfriend and I tell you what, knowing he still had feelings for her did not make me feel any better after putting a face on her.

Try and do yourself the favor of stripping your mind of ideas of what you're "supposed" to do and how you "should" act if you were a supportive girlfriend. I think those ideas are a lot of hooey and get in the way of instincts that are actually trying to take care of you. So listen to them. Make sure he knows that you're not comfortable being ignored when you know he's with her, but don't go out of your way to control his time either when you know he is. In your position I would never ask him to stop seeing her; he should care enough for you to make that decision on his own. I would hope the same applies if it turned out he was uncomfortable with you hanging out with your ex.

Trust is a topic I could go on about for ages, and I promise I won't. The only thing I will say about it is this; trust is built of actions, not words. You can talk about how you'd react given any number of situations until you're blue in the face. The fact remains, you never know until confronted how someone will actually behave. It's hard to get a reign on yourself when experiencing strong emotions (love, fear, jealousy, anger). But I would try. You don't have to accept being jealous over this chick. Ever.

Part of the reason why I've missed you! Going to use some of this advice next time mine hangs out with that "best" friend I don't like. :P

[merlinkitty]

Part of the reason why I've missed you! Going to use some of this advice next time mine hangs out with that "best" friend I don't like. :P

Ha! I was thinking of your situation whatruckus with the "bestie" when I was reading. We've all been through something like this!!

[whatruckus]

Ha! I was thinking of your situation whatruckus with the "bestie" when I was reading. We've all been through something like this!!

Yesss!!!!