Her parents made her miss the flight intentionally

[D4Joseph]

(Sorry for the length! )Hey everyone. I posted maybe about a week ago or so about how my gf I had planned for her to return visit after I left. And that she suddenly began saying "we had our time it wouldn't be necessary to visit. " well since then a lot has happened. My gf continued to go to her parents telling them about our plan. She asked her mom what if she brought a ticket? Her mom was clear and said she's not in agreement with it. Then my gf asked her dad the same he said he isn't in agreement with it. However, my gf asked "if I brought a ticket would you bring me to the airport even though you disagree with it." Her dads reply was "yes, I disagree but I wouldn't do something so low and keep you here." So after that statement my gf & I have the mindset that he'll take her anyways if the ticket gets purchased. So my gf brought a ticket. She told her mom.

Then her mom told the dad of course. So for the last week he's been shaming my gf and I for it. He's been texting me saying that I let his daughter deceive me, I'm not a gentleman for letting her buy the ticket. That she'll get sick, what if she gets caught in a snow storm during her flight. All these crazy scenarios and excuses just for it not to happen. Plus he told us ge didn't want her to spend some of HER money on a ticket because he may need help with rent money or gas. I feel that's kinda selfish. So my gf has been crying so much lately I've been crying too. She was supposed to take her flight yesterday morning but her parents purposely made her miss it!! Then her mom had the audacity to call the airline trying to get a refund or for her flight to go to a later date!! I knew that wouldn't work. So legit my gf and I have been shedding so much tears. I didn't know it was possible. After he said he wouldn't stoop so low he did. And for what? Just cause you may want to borrow money and you think you know when she'll get sick. I've been trying to keep it out my head but I feel screwed over. I really hate to say it but I feel a dislike for her dad stirring up inside me. I can't help it. And what makes me mad is that there has been no apology no nothing. I keep telling my gf that her parents (mainly) dad was vindictive and low. She continues to give him the benefit of the doubt. That angers me more and I don't wanna be mad at her! If your parents are wrong then they're wrong. Yes I understand they thought it'd be smart to save but once she purchased the ticket at least let her go and spend time with me. Our plan was to get as much time as possible. We planned for winter break, spring break, then summer. Guys I need help. I feel hopeless, angry, and sad all in one. I feel like I can't even say the word visit anymore. Questions? Thoughts? Advice? Concerns? Please.

[sweetshay]

It's not easy for everyone to go against their parents even if they realize that their parents are wrong. We all have very different family dynamics and relationships that influence our decisions so try to take that into consideration. Is it possible your gf could ask a friend to take her to the airport if she is not self sufficient enough to take herself? A taxi? Anything? It does sound like her parents are being unfair and overly protective for reasons only they know. They seem to distrust you and her to make adult decisions. Have you asked her to ask her parents what would make her visiting more acceptable to them? If not spending her money because they need it for the household is the issue then maybe they will come around in a few months. Perhaps if you pay for/help her pay for the ticket they would let her go? Maybe they need to get to know you better? I see that you can text them but have you actually had conversations with them so that they know who you are and maybe trust you more?

Also, does her dad have a history of meddling in your gf's past relationships? Has he previously accused ex's of things like borrowing money or not looking out for her well-being? He may be paranoid and stirring things up like you said. But it's hard to change people from doing that and the best option may be for your gf to handle things without the constant consent of her parents.

I'm sorry that you have to go through this. It sounds like a very frustrating situation but try to be patient and stay strong. Don't let her parents ruin your relationship. I've seen parents put serious strain on some of my friends' relationships. It was resolved when the girl finally decided to have a heart to heart with them and say "look, this is who i'm dating, you can't do anything to change that or you'll risk losing me as well." The parent stated that they were always going to be overprotective over her and worry about her well being, but all parents ultimately have to let their children make their own decisions as adults.. Not everyone accepts that

[D4Joseph]

It's too late. The friends that she had that could've given her ride to the airport yesterday were working. I don't think she had money for a taxi to the LAX airport. I told her and her dad if money us the issue I would give my gf some money in place of some of what she spent. My gf still felt prideful to have accepted money from me but she said she would anyways.
I've had many conversations with her parents. I've spent time with all of them 3 weeks ago. And they told me they're happy with their daughter's decision to choose me. We got along. However after this it seems like they don't care for our relationship.
I am my gf's first boyfriend. Her first kiss and everything. So it isn't because of an ex or anything. They treat her like she's an idiotic baby. They crossed the line by stopping her from visiting. That's pretty unforgivable.

[crazycarrie06]

That really sucks.

the girl finally decided to have a heart to heart with them and say "look, this is who i'm dating, you can't do anything to change that or you'll risk losing me as well."

I agree with this. Your girlfriend needs to sit down and have a heart to heart. Preferably while this is still somewhat fresh, but not so fresh that emotions are super raw and it just turns into an explosion. As hard as it is though too, I really think you and your girlfriend need to try to understand where they are coming from (I don't know what that is, this is where the conversation is important). You don't have to agree but I think if you make the effort to understand, you may find what the root of the problem is - and also be able to come to some mutually agreeable compromise.

Curious, how old is your girlfriend? Does she still live at home?

I do find it interesting, Dad was concerned about her spending her money, but then basically just cost her the money she spent on the plane ticket.

I'm really sorry :-( Hope everything starts to get better.

[D4Joseph]

Yes she does still live at home but she's 18. 18 means 18! Which is an age you should be able to make certain choices with support from your family. I'm not saying she can do what she wants but being 18 means things like this shouldn't happen.
That's exactly what bothers me the most. He was complaining about money then cost her it. This all has literally gave me headaches.

[Unconditional]

Just because she's 18 doesn't mean that all of a sudden her family will think of her as an adult. Hell, I'm almost 20 and my family still thinks of me as the baby of the family. You learn to deal though.
Why can't she just drive herself?

[Honour]

I'm almost 22 and my mum almost passed out when she said I planned on going to visit my SO next year. My parents still try and treat me like a kid, but I've managed to stop them for the most part. I have a life to live, after all. At 18, my parents were extremely overbearing and such; it doesn't surprise me your SO's parents are like that, OP. Bit disgusting they cancelled things.

I agree with carrie, try and work out how things went wrong and sit and have a long discussion about it.

[crazycarrie06]

Just because she's 18 doesn't mean that all of a sudden her family will think of her as an adult. Hell, I'm almost 20 and my family still thinks of me as the baby of the family. You learn to deal though.
Why can't she just drive herself?

I agree with this. Also, as long as you live with your parents - you live by their rules. I finished my MA in Europe at 26 and had to move back with my mother afterwords (transition period). I had different rules than I did as a teenager, but even still - my mom's house, my mom's rules. I had to let them know where I was going and when I'd be back. This was after having moved out at 19 and living abroad. Being "an adult" doesn't make them stop being your parents and worrying.

But as I said - she needs to sit down and talk this out, like an adult - and try to understand where they are coming from. It really could do wonders to help things.

[D4Joseph]

She didn't get her license yet. I totally understand every family is different but interfering in a relationship for selfish reasons isn't ok. Why can't we be trusted?

[D4Joseph]

I think her dad needs to sit and understand where my gf is coming from. We listen to everything it's his turn. It was disgusting and stubborn.

[Honour]

She didn't get her license yet. I totally understand every family is different but interfering in a relationship for selfish reasons isn't ok. Why can't we be trusted?

If your son or daughter came out to you and said, "Dad, I have a girlfriend/boyfriend who lives in another country, or different part of the country," wouldn't you take it somewhat with reservation? Fear of the uncertainty, that this person might be a danger to your child and they've never been in that sort of situation most likely, makes it difficult for your SO's parents to understand, especially at that age. It is a difficult transition, going from being a teenager to an adult. Some parents find the thought of their child growing up and going their own way into the world is a daunting prospect, no matter what their child decides to do.

Don't be too surprised if it takes them awhile to get used to you. How long have you and your SO been together?

[Unconditional]

Part of being an adult is having a license, you can't really do anything without a license. You don't know that there reasons are selfish, they could be doing what they think is somehow best. In some twisted way I'm sure their right.
It would annoy me to have that in my relationship as well, but I can also see the parents point of view.

EDIT:
Also, you guys just assumed if you bought the ticket that her parents would help her even if they dislike the decision. That was wrong to assume, no matter what they said, I kinda thought it was common sense to think that maybe the parents only said that because she didn't actually HAVE the tickets. Once she has the tickets, that answer would change. They're just doing what they think is right.

[Honour]

I think her dad needs to sit and understand where my gf is coming from. We listen to everything it's his turn. It was disgusting and stubborn.

Heh. My dad is so stubborn he could teach a mule a few tricks. Time and communication will help solve this issue with a bit of luck. I know you're pissed at the moment, I would be too, but try and get a hold of your upset. You will most likely have to continue to prove you mean your SO well, in order to convince her dad. It's annoying I know, but it has to be done unless you want to run the risk of upsetting her family, which I'm sure you don't want to do.

[crazycarrie06]

If your son or daughter came out to you and said, "Dad, I have a girlfriend/boyfriend who lives in another country, or different part of the country," wouldn't you take it somewhat with reservation? Fear of the uncertainty, that this person might be a danger to your child and they've never been in that sort of situation most likely, makes it difficult for your SO's parents to understand, especially at that age. It is a difficult transition, going from being a teenager to an adult. Some parents find the thought of their child growing up and going their own way into the world is a daunting prospect, no matter what their child decides to do.

Don't be too surprised if it takes them awhile to get used to you. How long have you and your SO been together?

Holy crap - you just gave me a heart attack for my future children LOL!

Seriously - it is scary. Their daughter - that in their eyes is still a child (and in many was is) - wants to run off with someone far away. What if something bad happens - how can they get to her? how can they help? It probably makes them feel really helpless. Up until this point - they've nutured and protected this child. It's hard. A little sympathy for that position really could be beneficial.

[Honour]

Holy crap - you just gave me a heart attack for my future children LOL!

Seriously - it is scary. Their daughter - that in their eyes is still a child (and in many was is) - wants to run off with someone far away. What if something bad happens - how can they get to her? how can they help? It probably makes them feel really helpless. Up until this point - they've nutured and protected this child. It's hard. A little sympathy for that position really could be beneficial.

Lmao. You're most welcome

Agreed with you.