How to break it to them...

[folclor]

Okay, so I posted earlier about Alex inviting me to Christmas with his family... now the question is hwo to break it to mine? WE don't have huge get togethers or anything but I know mom will be saddened by my lack of attendance. So...am not entirely sure how to tell them.

Also, How to tell Alex I'd really like him to be down here for New Years? The problem with that is...he hates planning ahead. But I need him to meet my family and my friends and, a more selfish reason. I can't be the one leaving to go home again. Not 'I don't want to.' I can't. I seriously won't have the will to go back home if he's not coming with me. He had to try 3 times to send me through security before I'd actually go. I probably won't even make an attempt if he's not coming with me this time and I know that about myself. =/ now it's just convincing him to come down here.

[paulawriteslove]

I think you should introduce it to your mom slowly. Just say, "hey mom, Alex invited me to spend Christmas with his family and I think it would be a great step in our relationship if I went. Also, he might be coming up here for New Years" something like that should work. Whatever you say tell her that he might be coming at New Years because it could ease things.

[Thad]

Just say, "hey mom, Alex invited me to spend Christmas with his family and I think it would be a great step in our relationship if I went. Also, he might be coming up here for New Years" something like that should work. Whatever you say tell her that he might be coming at New Years because it could ease things.

I think this is probably the best way to do it.

My deal with my parents about spending time away at the end of the year holidays has always been they get one and my SO gets the other. Usually this has been me going home for Thanksgiving and then spending Christmas with my SO. (Although I usually spend several days before Christmas proper with my own family too.) It seems to balance everything out.

I think this is also a way to persuade him to plan ahead and plan on going back with you for New Years. That way both of your families get some time with you around the holidays.

[Zephii]

And tell her you want to do something special with her before you go because you love her heaps and wish you could be in both places at once

[LadyMarchHare]

Well since Christmas is a family holiday, it's a step to being part of Alex's family by attending the one holiday with him. Because really it's what couples end up doing anyway, switching between sides of family for important holidays. Yeah you won't be there for the actual day but you could still call your mom, have Alex say hi, and chat for a few minutes as if you were there and even compare how they celebrate the holiday to how your family does with her.

[Karringtyn]

You have gotten lots of good advice here....

and about New Years...just talk to your SO...let it out..I am sure he will listen...

[folclor]

it complicates things that my mom already invited him to Christmas down here. ^^; but...thanks for all your advice. I'll definitely take it.

[Silviar]

My family is huge on getting together for Christmas, so I understand the whole don't want to sadden the family. However, your mother knows, as you do, that you're growing up, and that means you will be spending time away from the family during holidays sometimes - especially when you get married or are in a serious relationship, that involves splitting times with both families. Your mom may be saddened, but she'll most likely understand why you're going and why it's important. And then having him there for New Years will probably cheer your mom up because then she gets you both for a holiday.

Just tell her. "Mom, Alex invited me over for Christmas to meet his family, and I've decided to go. I'm sorry I'll be missing Christmas with the family, but it was important to both of us. I'd also like to bring him up in turn for New Years." And if she's sad, don't let it guilt you. That's part of growing up, sweetie.

[Silviar]

it complicates things that my mom already invited him to Christmas down here. ^^; but...thanks for all your advice. I'll definitely take it.

I respectfully disagree. Spending time with family isn't complicated; we make it complicated with our worries. If it works out better for you as a couple ot go there, then it does. It's not the last Christmas ever, and she will have to get used to you not being there some years - between your SO's family and then wanting some Christmases alone, again, it happens.

[folclor]

well, I told my mom. Her response was, "Well, if you aren't going to be here for Christmas we'll miss you. ...But you'll be 21 and it will give us more time to prepare for Alex so... We'll be sad but thanks for giving us a head's up." Now it's just convincing Alex to get off his butt and get his passport ^^;

[Zephii]

Yay! I'm glad it was positive