Kinda upset here

[TheSteelAngel]

Hey guys, so I need to rant here so this may be pretty long. I've just basically gotten pretty mad at my boyfriend for the first time (though I don't think he knows that I'm mad yet.) So what happened was I texted him yesterday our usual "Hey" and "Hey there babe." texts when I asked him if I could ask him a question and he said "what's up?" I asked him that if for whatever reason he can't come visit me when we planned that if I could go visit him instead. Half an hour goes by, no answer. So I'm like "think this could be something we could work out?" A few hours go by and still no answer.

At this point I just figure that he's too busy right now to answer me so I tell him that he could answer me later. No biggie right? Well today all these anxious feelings that I had about him not texting me back surfaced and I had an I really miss you episode so I text him "Hey." as usual. Again a couple hours go by and no text back. This time my feelings are on overdrive and I feel pretty upset because I know he's up at that point so what the heck is he doing? So I text him back saying something like "You know babe your silence really makes me worried."

That's when he immediately texts me "I'm sorry babe. I'm just swamped right now with work, getting stuff done around my apartment and sleep during the day." Instinctively I text him saying something like I'm so sorry babe I didn't know. I'll ttyl. Then right after I hit the send button on my phone I had an Ah hah! moment. Why should I be the one apologizing when he never told me that he was super busy and can't talk now? So I tell him this and ask him if he could let me know in the future if he can't talk to me that day so I won't have to waste a bunch of minutes on my phone (yeah I don't have a smart phone or unlimited texting) wondering where the heck he is.

So yeah that's basically it. There are so many times now where I find myself missing him to the point of giving up, yet that's not what either of us really want at all. I'm just at that point where I could strangle him sometimes but do it with love lol.

[Unconditional]

This kind of reminds me of my last relationship... it is hard, so very hard when they don't let you simply know that they can't talk. I feel your pain and also see the need for a vent sesh

[merlinkitty]

After you got hold of yourself I think you did the right thing he needs to tell you when stuff is going on. You're not a mind reader after all

[TheSteelAngel]

After you got hold of yourself I think you did the right thing he needs to tell you when stuff is going on. You're not a mind reader after all

I forgot to mention that he never did text me back after that. I'm upset but I really can't stay mad at him. It's his job that keeps messing things up for us and I know that he really is trying to text me back as soon as he could. Oh well I should just be thankful that at least he has a good job and that he likes it I just really want him to know what I'm feeling and not have to convey it to him through text. Ugh this is hard and it's barely been 3 months for us lol

[Unconditional]

I forgot to mention that he never did text me back after that. I'm upset but I really can't stay mad at him. It's his job that keeps messing things up for us and I know that he really is trying to text me back as soon as he could. Oh well I should just be thankful that at least he has a good job and that he likes it I just really want him to know what I'm feeling and not have to convey it to him through text. Ugh this is hard and it's barely been 3 months for us lol

I used to sacrifice so much for my ex, and I never blamed him for anything. I always told him sorry and forgave him when he said it. Not saying that's what this is for you, or that it's gonna end because our relationships are very different lol It's good that you know that you shouldn't have to say sorry because you didn't do anything wrong. However, you both need to be able to set a time (some time soon) to talk about these feelings or else nothing will ever change.

[merlinkitty]

I just really want him to know what I'm feeling and not have to convey it to him through text. Ugh this is hard and it's barely been 3 months for us lol

That's all me and my SO have for the most part lol I don't mind it so much though. You get used to it, or I guess get better at expressing yourself. If it's your best option for communication though, take what you have and run with it.

I like what Unconditional says though. Sacrifice is okay to a point. Excuses...eh I'm not wild about those. I had a lot made up for my ex too. It really doesn't take long to pick up a phone and send a quick text. Especially if it's going to keep the person he cares about from worrying all day

[TheSteelAngel]

I used to sacrifice so much for my ex, and I never blamed him for anything. I always told him sorry and forgave him when he said it. Not saying that's what this is for you, or that it's gonna end because our relationships are very different lol It's good that you know that you shouldn't have to say sorry because you didn't do anything wrong. However, you both need to be able to set a time (some time soon) to talk about these feelings or else nothing will ever change.

We talk once a week now when he's off, but he doesn't have a day off this week which put more stress on the table for the both of us I guess. I'll give him a day or two before I text him again asking when he's off.

[differentcountries]

I do this a lot - I will send him a text, if I don't get reply within an hour I will send him another "I guess you are busy" or if in the evening "I guess you are asleep now"/Are you awake?" If I need to scedule something, or I just really need to hear his voice, I will call him myself.

If you can only talk proper once a week I guess everything he does is bound to set you off, especially if visits are not properly planned. My SO doesn't usually have any days off any week BTW - it is always about making time. You have to ask for that time.

[sweetshay]

It's a little suspicious. From what I read he never actually answered you which is kind of rude. If he doesn't think you visiting will work out he needs to explain why not blow over it x_x. I think there's levels of "busy" for everyone and they usually change based on how important the person and conversation you're having are. I can text my bf constantly throughout the day and take 2 hrs to respond to someone else because my bf has priority (i'm a bit of a dick for that but it's life lol). If he was responding normal prior to the question, and then made little effort to respond after, i'd keep that in the back of my mind just incase it's an early sign of something.

[Unconditional]

If this doesn't change, it is bound to set you off one day. I hope it does change. No matter how busy, you need someone who can make a you little bit more of a priority because you deserve that. I feel as though I'm talking to me in the past. I know you may not want it to go south, which is why I say you NEED to make time to go in depth about the way your feeling and how you feel frustrated, or else nothing will be able to change and that it will eventually set you off one day

[TheSteelAngel]

It's a little suspicious. From what I read he never actually answered you which is kind of rude. If he doesn't think you visiting will work out he needs to explain why not blow over it x_x. I think there's levels of "busy" for everyone and they usually change based on how important the person and conversation you're having are. I can text my bf constantly throughout the day and take 2 hrs to respond to someone else because my bf has priority (i'm a bit of a dick for that but it's life lol). If he was responding normal prior to the question, and then made little effort to respond after, i'd keep that in the back of my mind just incase it's an early sign of something.

Nah he did this before when I asked him if he was gonna be off on Sunday and it took him 3 days to answer that question, so he's done this before and I'm not particularly worried. I'll just have to ask him again when I know he'll be more able to respond to me. I know he still really wants to see me just as much as I wanna see him, he just needs to find out if he got those days and the days for his brother's wedding (which should also be important to him to find out) off.

[TheSteelAngel]

I do this a lot - I will send him a text, if I don't get reply within an hour I will send him another "I guess you are busy" or if in the evening "I guess you are asleep now"/Are you awake?" If I need to scedule something, or I just really need to hear his voice, I will call him myself.

If you can only talk proper once a week I guess everything he does is bound to set you off, especially if visits are not properly planned. My SO doesn't usually have any days off any week BTW - it is always about making time. You have to ask for that time.

Yes and I always ask him for time to talk and he always makes time for me when he's not working. When he is working we still text each other too, it's just that this week must have been crazy for him.

[TheSteelAngel]

If this doesn't change, it is bound to set you off one day. I hope it does change. No matter how busy, you need someone who can make a you little bit more of a priority because you deserve that. I feel as though I'm talking to me in the past. I know you may not want it to go south, which is why I say you NEED to make time to go in depth about the way your feeling and how you feel frustrated, or else nothing will be able to change and that it will eventually set you off one day

Which is why I wrote down my feelings in a notebook and I am going to read it to him when we talk. I want to make sure he's listening after all

[Wolv]

This seems really suspicious to me...he needs to answer your original question instead of blowing you off and leaving you there to wonder what's going on and then coming back all casually saying he was "busy lately, sorry". I don't care how busy you are you can take 10 seconds at the end of your BUSY day, even if it's right before you get into bed, to write a quick message saying you've been busy. He said "whats up" when you had asked if you could ask a question and then suddenly he stops all communication, so he had enough time to reply to you up until that point. He couldn't find any time to message you back after work, while eating dinner, doing whatever he was doing before bed, or before he closed his eyes while in bed before he fell asleep?

I think he avoided the question and purposefully ignored you. I'd ask the question again when you talk to him tomorrow...or whenever he isn't too "busy". Sorry if this seems a bit harsh but if you're in a relationship I don't believe there is any excuses not to be able to take 5 minutes out of your day to say hello to your SO, and if you are too busy to be able to do that then you have no business being in a relationship (long distance or otherwise). Just my two cents.

[Zapookie]

Yeah it sounds pretty suspicious to me too. Have you and him video chatted, or only voice chat? He completely ignored your question, and didn't get back to the topic of meeting you. I absolutely HATE when people dont reply and change the topic, I will ask until I get an answer. I take it you have not made plans yet because of this.