I don't know what to do.. I feel so lost

[pytsip]

ok, so my boyfriend broke the news to me that he couldn't deal with a long distance relationship right now. He told me that the reason is because the whole traveling thing is in order to find himself, he doesn't know who he is and he said that he just can't deal with the emotions that come with a long distance relationship. He said that while he's traveling he still wants to be friends and still wants to talk and that when he comes home he wants to work on the relationship, but as of right now he just can't do it.

I asked him if he still had feelings for me and he said yes, of course i do, and I eventually want to work this out. So I told him that i didn't understand that if we both had feelings for each other, how anything would change from us being in a relationship to us being "just friends" since the conversations are still going to show that we both have feelings for each other. He said that he doesn't know and he has to think about it.

I just don't know what to think right now, like I don't know how to explain to him that the only thing that will even change is the title, and why he can think that if he still cares about me and loves me and wants to eventually be together, why he thinks that being friends would be any different. He and I decided to sit down and really talk through it on Tuesday, but I just don't know what to tell him. I love him so much and I really don't want to lose him, and I just have no idea what is going on... I'm so lost.

[maielle]

Sweetheart, even if no-one can know how your situation will unfold, you cannot do anything else than tell how you honestly feel. You should be honest not just to your boyfriend but also to yourself.

Maybe you could write some of your feelings on a paper. I might help.

I think your boyfriend might be lost too. He is not sure what he really wants. Seems like he wants to have you and be a single man at the same time. It can be that he just needs some time to clear his mind a bit.

I wish you strength! Remember that a lot of people want to support you here.

[Allie.CanCali]

I'm sorry to hear that.
And I'm sorry to say that there's really nothing you can do but wait until he figures things out.
Take this time to try to figure stuff out for yourself too.
Figure out what you're feeling, and maybe try to tell him exactly how you feel.

[noodle]

I had the same situation a few weeks ago (I had a blog about it).
I told my SO the same that it makes no sense if he still loves me and still wants to talk to me. I basically told me that I cant do that. Either we keep it the way it is and stay strong and fight for our relationship or we stop talkin and communicating in any way for a while.
For me it ended up good cause he realised himself that it doesnt make sense.
Tell him how you feel about it and basically maybe even put him to an limit (like I did with not talkin).
People usually realize what they really have with their loved ones when they're about to lose them.
I now how hard it is
Stay strong! *hugs*

[pytsip]

I did tell him that, I told him that I can't be friends and that if he ends this now there's no going back, it's done, he lost me forever, and I asked him if he could give me up like that, and he said he didn't know. I mean, he did go from "I'm not changing my mind on this" to "I'll think about it and have an answer for you before I leave", but I dunno I just am so scared that I'm going to lose him, and I just can't lose him, I care about him so much and I just can't.

[paulawriteslove]

*hugs* A long distance relationship is very hard as we all know. The best advice I could give to you is to NOT give up on the relationship! Keep faith! If he needs time for himself, then he needs time. But be there for him no matter what! Best of luck.

[noodle]

I know what you mean. I couldnt as well. And trust me Im not sayin that out of fun, and I dont want to think like "oh it worked for her, shut up and stuff" but I've been there and it was hard for me to decide what to do but I had to do it for myself.
This is from my point of view and my way of thinkin maybe other disagree or agree Im not sure, but I remember the pain I've been through while I talked to my SO, been told that he loved me but than also knowin that he wouldnt date me cause of the distance. Somethin I wouldnt want anyone to ever experience.
Im not sayin you should fight for your relationship, its just that there are always 2 needed to fight, one person alone cant do it.
I really wish that you two figure it out!! *fingers crossed*

[mynameiseric]

All you can do is be honest...and hope he understands. They say if you truely love someone, let them go. And if its TRUELY meant to be, which I have a feeling it is, he will come back. Distance is not for the fearful. It is for the bold, its for those who are willing to spend a lot of time alone in exchange for a little time with the one they love. its for those knowing a good thing when they see it, even if they don't see it nearly enough. my girlfriend sent me that quote today, and I really do believe that. Right now, hes just scared and doesnt know what to do, just like you are. But if he truely loves you, he will come back, just have faith

[Karringtyn]

Hmmm....how long has he been there?? I just don't get the...I want to be friends now...and I will be single while I am overseas...but when I come back we will be together. It will still hurt to be away from you...and still the feelings are there. Sometimes I just don't understand people..ugh...I am sending you lots of strength tonight....

[pytsip]

Karringtyn - He's been there for 4 months, and I don't get it either, that's the part of all of this that I don't get, I could understand if it was because he wanted to be well a single guy, but I even brought up the idea of being in an open relationship while we were apart and his response was that it wasn't about the sex, that he just couldn't deal with the distance. I guess what I don't understand is that if we are serious about each other, why we can't try to work on things to make the distance easier. We both haven't been very good with the communication and I did want to bring that up to him while he was home, try to work out a plan for how we could communicate better, but his response was that it's not going to make either one of us happy if we try to force something. I don't see where working on communication is forcing anything. I guess this is something that we need to discuss when we sit down and talk on Tuesday.

I mean to bring up to him the comparison that when he first started showing interest in me, he worked really hard to get me, I want to show him that it's not forcing anything, that he didn't force me to like him, he just tried to show me why I should. I dunno... I'm just really scared, as of right now, we're not together, but I just can't do it he's such a huge part of me and a huge part of who I want to be, I want to grow with him, I want to experience life with him, and I just can't let go like that.

[Karringtyn]

Karringtyn - I'm just really scared, as of right now, we're not together, but I just can't do it he's such a huge part of me and a huge part of who I want to be, I want to grow with him, I want to experience life with him, and I just can't let go like that.

You CAN do it. I know he is a big part of you....goodness I understand this....but honey hold tight and please take care of yourself right now.....Just focus on you and when Tuesday comes...open up, share, and I pray it will all be resolved in the best way for both of you!

[pytsip]

Thanks everyone, we're actually trying to hang out tonight and tomorrow night, so my goal it to just remind him how special our relationship is. I really don't think he wants to lose it, I just think he thinks this is the only option because of the distance and because of how long the distance is going to last. However, I want to remind him that I will be only an hour train ride away from him in 4 months, and that after that when he goes to mexico for however long that will be, that Mexico isn't nearly as far or as expensive to go to as China is.

[Karringtyn]

Let us know how things go.....

[Jovan]

I would have to say that, we are in the same situation. She said that to me our relation will not working because of the distance, FAMILY and also she's not ready for commitment. I know how you feel right now, i know how hurt.....
I have to say , Respect his decision if this he want.. and the most is give him time. Probably he need a time. I'm sure he can't think well right now. Believe, he will back to you someday when he realized that how important you in his life.
Keep Faith!