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my parents are looling for a groom and i cant tell them about my so yet!!!!!!

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    #1

    my parents are looling for a groom and i cant tell them about my so yet!!!!!!

    I have one crazy problem...i am from india...here parents find our husbands and they are looking for a groom for me!! Since my so hasnt got a job yet telling my parents about him would just disapprove!!! As such they would have many problems with him...he is an engineer and i am a doctor. He is my age...his family isnt well to do as ours and he is somebody i found!! So id rather wait till he atleast has job. Anybody has ny thoughts on how to stall my parents in there groom searching process??? I cant keep rejecting all proposals like this...they are becoming really angry! Help!!!
    And btw...i decided to move to my boyfriends place and get a job there!! Is that a bad idea?? I really want to be near him...
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    #2
    Culturally from somewhere where arrange marriages are not done anymore it is difficult to give any advice here; the same goes for 'class' or 'money' in terms of families to an extent as well

    I guess you have to weigh up the pro's and the con's about doing nothing or telling them.

    As for the work, if there is work down there, and you want to move in with your BF then go for it I'd say if you are ready for that step, if not maybe move to the area first?

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      #3
      Is a love marriage completely off the table? Could you talk to one parent to feel out the reactions? Can you ask them to wait another few months because you want to focus on your career for now? If not, can you still meet with the perspective husbands and maybe be friendly but straight forward with them?

      Edit: While checking your other threads, i see that you're already planning to move to your SO in a month. Do you plan on telling your parents about that or are you just leaving?
      Last edited by randomnerd; January 29, 2015, 11:31 AM. Reason: Rethought it

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        #4
        I am just moving. I am telling them thr job is great or something like that. Telling them why would just make things worse.

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          #5
          At some point you'll have to come clean, but when exactly isn't something I could judge here. You know more about this kind of situation than I do. I really hope your parent will end up approving of him, but as harsh as it is, be prepared for the worst. Best of luck to you!

          ~
          It'll take a lot more than words and guns
          A whole lot more than riches and muscle
          The hands of the many must join as one
          And together we'll cross the river

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            #6
            Do you already have a job set-up where your SO lives? If so, is it possible to let them know now (or in the next few weeks) that there is a job that will advance your career/finances/status and thus you are moving and cannot focus on proposals right now? That might buy some time for your SO to get a job and then slowly be able to introduce him to your parents. Or, are you able to focus on extra training for your job (like a fellowship) that would require too much focus from proposals? Aside from that, I don't have any ideas.
            When two hearts are meant for each other, no distance is too far,
            no time is too long, and no other love can break them apart.

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              #7
              Tell them you are moving cities for the job, and that the new job/move preperations makes so that you can't consider prospective suitors at the moment. Wait until your SO finds a job, then tell them about him.

              That way, they will know your job is taken care of (which is true), you are not available for suitors (which is also true) and you will present them with a man with a proper job. As long as they are open to the possability of a love marriage, there is not a problem here.
              I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
              - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



              "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

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                #8
                Im thinking i should tell them that i want to do my masters degree...so i need to concentrate on that. To wait till i get into a college. Im hoping he wil have a job by then

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                  #9
                  My favorite professor in college was Indian. When we were prepping to go to India with her she was talking about relationships and mentioned that when she was dating her (now husband) she hadn't told her family right away. There would be nights where she would be at his place on a date - having a phone interview with a potential husband that her family had found.

                  Anyway - without understanding the dynamics of your culture it's really hard to give advice. I know here in Jordan - arranged marriage is still a thing, but more and more families still require the bride to accept/reject the groom.

                  My thoughts - if your family is like that, and you're not prepared to tell them about your SO yet - maybe going on those "interviews" might be something you have to do for awhile. Have a long talk with your SO about it though too. At some points - he will have to try to understand your culture (if he isn't from the same), and the things that you may have to do because of it.

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