In a rut and feeling so so homesick...

Hi everyone,
I hope all is well!

I want to start by saying that I know there are probably plenty of threads related to this post, but I would be so completely grateful for any advice you might be able to offer me.

It has almost been 2 months since I have closed the distance with my SO. I moved from California to Connecticut. We are living with his family right now while trying to save up some money to get our our place and for me to get a car of my own.

I was so excited and enthusiastic in the weeks before arriving and in the first few weeks, but as time goes on I am feeling more and more homesick. I know that its to be expected but I dont know how to appease it.
Before I came out here I didn't think that I would miss my hometown very much, but i knew leaving my mom and family would be really hard.

Ive been trying in vain to get a job since arriving and I still have been unable to find anything. Also, its been very difficult to meet new friends and socializing like I was used to in my hometown because the town im in now is very small.
I am a very social person and I worry that I may be slipping into a bit of depression because it is wearing on me being so far from home.

My SO has been trying so hard to help me when he can. I've been crying often and I feel so bad about it because I know it cant be making my SO feel very good. Before I moved here he started a new job and he is now working 12 hour shifts at night. Its been a very difficult adjustment for both of us because now we have very little time to actually see one another. He works all night while I'm sleeping (when I can sleep, if the homesickness isnt keeping me up), and he sleeps most of the days while I am awake ( which sucks because I want to do things with him but i know he needs the rest).

Back in my home town I had a ton of friends, my whole family, and I was always doing something to keep busy. Its been a radical change going from always busy to simply doing laundry and maintaining our living space.

I miss my family so much, but I cant imagine leaving my SO again since we've closed the distance...
I dont know how to make this transition less emotional for the both of us...

I know ive written a ton, but if you need any more information or you have advice or questions, please reply

thank you so so much

[Petals]

I can't post much right now but just want to say - Meetup groups! They saved my life when I moved to the USA alone 2 years ago! Just join meetups.com and look for the groups doing things you like or have always wanted to do then you and your bf escape in those activities for awhile. I've made great friendships and have done some things that I was hesitant to do before or just didn't have the right company to do it with.

[R&R]

I moved cross country in 2008, from NH to CA. I also had a hard time finding work and ended up working through a temp agency and after a couple of months was hired by a wonderful company who hired me on the spot from the temp agency. Once I was working, I found it much easier to make friends. I was pretty isolated before that.

If you like to read, see if your local library has a book group. It gets you out at least once a month and you can meet some great people. It also gives you something to do since you have to read that book. If there are outdoor activities you like: skiing, hiking, etc - a lot of times you can find groups to join for those activities and will give you something else to do while your SO is at work.

[blueorchid1]

I can't post much right now but just want to say - Meetup groups! They saved my life when I moved to the USA alone 2 years ago! Just join meetups.com and look for the groups doing things you like or have always wanted to do then you and your bf escape in those activities for awhile. I've made great friendships and have done some things that I was hesitant to do before or just didn't have the right company to do it with.

Let me just say, that I saw this and immediately went to the site and I have already found meetups that I will be attending soon! Thank you so much for this suggestion! Just thinking about interacting with other people and doing something makes me feel a little better. I know that everyone ive spoken to says that getting a job and meeting new people makes being away from home so much easier. so again, thank you!

I moved cross country in 2008, from NH to CA. I also had a hard time finding work and ended up working through a temp agency and after a couple of months was hired by a wonderful company who hired me on the spot from the temp agency. Once I was working, I found it much easier to make friends. I was pretty isolated before that.

If you like to read, see if your local library has a book group. It gets you out at least once a month and you can meet some great people. It also gives you something to do since you have to read that book. If there are outdoor activities you like: skiing, hiking, etc - a lot of times you can find groups to join for those activities and will give you something else to do while your SO is at work.

I think this is a really good suggestion too! I have a sort of mini book club going with my cousin back home, but that doesnt help with making new friends ha...

I wonder how my SO will feel about doing things with me on his days off. I think he may become interested if I talk to him more about it because he can meet new people too and that never hurt anyone!

[Honour]

Maybe you and your SO can go to some of those meetups together? Then you can both make new friends, then with your separate circles you both get something from it and it gives you and your SO an extra thing to talk about

By the way, Petals... thanks for the website. I'm gonna take a look myself :3

[Aussieabroad]

Good GOD this is my worst fear about eventually relocating to California. My family is in Australia, but my brother and friends live here in NY with me.

Are you into Imgur or Reddit at all? They host meet ups all the time and are great people. I went to the Imgur NY meet up and kept in touch with some of those awesome people

[Petals]

Glad I could help. Just a tip about meetups - like anything in life you get what you put in. If you are shy, build up the courage to talk to people because chances are, the other person is just as shy as you are. Meetups are usually attended by people new to the area or fresh out of relationships/divorce and are seeking to make meaningful connections or just to do fun activities.

Try going to meet & greets if available because that's when people tend to wear name tags and are introduced to each other. If meet & greets aren't being held now- fine, just jump in and smile, strike up a conversation about anything - the weather? what brought them to meetupsp? Are they involved in any other group? what has their experience been like? ANYTHING.

Also, I recommend giving Meetup groups more than one try- if you attend an event and you didn't like it, go to another one before you dismiss them. Also, different organisers operate differently, so of course some activities are more organised than others.

My point : most people at Meetups are in the same situation as you, so you have nothing to fear.

I always have something to do because of the friendships I've made through these groups. In addition, I've gained part time work through the connections I've made. It is a great way to expand your horizon and do things that you have always wanted to do or have always enjoyed doing.



I'm going to my first ice hockey game tonight with a wonderful group of people I met through Meetups .

[Redheart14]

This is really useful as I'll be closing the distance next year. Blueorchid1 let us know how this goes, I hope it gets easier for you.

[differentcountries]

It really depends on who you want to meet. I have had the uppertunity to get new friends through the Norwegian extripat community in our Turkish town, but I am reluctant to get too involved there. I rely on them for practical tips, but the more Turkish I understand, the more I want to relate mostly to Turks when I am there.

Another thing ; if you take a class to learn something, you can easily plan how to socialize and you will meet people who are curious and open to new experience.

[Miasmata]

Additionally to all the great advice people have already posted, I think you could also look into local concerts or events that interest you and chatting people up there. Likeminded folks are always good to see, and even if they don't turn out to be great friend material, being more in tune with the local events and having a fun evening never hurts. Best of luck with getting a job and arriving better in your new home!

[blueorchid1]

Thank you so much to everyone for the wonderful advice!!

I will definitely try my best to keep everyone updated on the Meetups I find!

In the meantime, I was wondering if any one would be willing to tell me a little bit more about their experiences with trying to subdue the homesickness monster.
I realize that my be a lot to ask, as even talking about being homesick can make me emotional ha...

I just can't seem to shake this feeling that I won't ever be back to see my family again...
I know that its probably an insane and absurd thought, but this move has been the first time I've ever really left home...
I like it here for the most part and I know i wont really be settled in for a bit, but is there anything else I should be doing?

I feel guilty that I feel so homesick all the time because my SO does try to make me happy.
Also, I would assume that it isn't helping me when my mother is always asking if she should buy me a plane ticket home if i cant find a job in X amount of time...

its hard hearing my family talk so much about me coming back when I'm so homesick because it makes me want to go back and be with them...
but I know that If i leave now ill regret it later.

ugh! why must life be so trying! ha...

Thank you again everyone for your replies! I am so grateful for it!!

[Petals]

Food: Do you have access to the special foods you would normally eat with family/friends?

I know this maybe more connected to international moves, but it could be something that applies to you. You can try to buy/make special foods you are accustomed to or maybe have family send these to you.

[differentcountries]

When I was homesick in Turkey, I read a lot of Norwegian online newspapers. Perhaps your home town has an online or paper newspaper where you can pop in or prescribe to it?

Food can help, even when not international.

Also; start making plans for how to stay in contact with your family. Arrange Skype dates with them. Make random phone calls. Start saving up for a visit

Your family talking about you coming home- just ignore them. You have a double challenge because you have not really lived away from home before. I remember the first time I lived by myself, not with my family, not with an institution like boarding school - I was a bit scared! So much to think about. How to meet people, how to take care of everything like food... Like you, I didn't have much money. I had to stretch my budget. I did meet some new people though, I have always been very much into clubs and organisations and meeting people through there.

[Miasmata]

Another idea: Since my SO will be the one moving, I've tried coming up with little things that will help him with homesickness. One thing he said he'll really miss would be the mountains in Utah. As a result, I bought a calendar with photos from Utah, and I'm also thinking about making a print of one of the photos I took when I visited. Maybe keepsakes and pictures from your home would help you too? Little things that ground you more where you are

[R&R]

I can understand so much. I was completely homesick when I lived in CA. It was also total culture shock in so many aspects. I had lived in the same area for 38 years, so to not only move out of the area but 3,000 miles away from my kids, family & friends was hard. You can't feel guilty for feeling homesick - you left everything behind to be there and you are going to be homesick. It would be unusual if you weren't.

I kept up with everything going on by conversations with family & friends plus the internet. I talked, texted and Skyped with my daughters. Friends sent me things I couldn't get there like Dunkin Donuts & Fuff. My ex-husband was a New England sports fan, so at least there was Patriots & Red Sox stuff all over the house. It is important to get home at least once a year if you can.

My family and friends all wanted me back home too. I did end up moving back after 14 months because I just couldn't stand being away from my daughters. I'm also a New England girl through and through and just never could adjust to CA life. You are young and I think you will settle and be able to really make a solid life with your SO. As you start establishing your own life with a job and new friends, plus as your life with your SO begins to build, you are going to do great.