feeling down & demoralised :(

[Happygirl123]

Today I was at lunch with two girl friends my class. Somehow during lunch, the conversation turned to long distance relationships.
One of the girls is from Canada, her boyfriend of three years is out there, and the only reason she is in the UK (my hometown) is because she is studying at the same university as me. we graduate in 2016. After this, she will go back to Canada.

She was telling the other girl how long distance relationships are super hard, they argue all the time, feelings are changing between them, and in her opinion "long distance relationships rarely work out".

At this point, i just kept totally silent, almost as if i saw a ghost, and continued to eat my lunch, but this made me SUPER scared!

This was coming from a girl who has been with this guy for 3 years, i couldnt help but compare my situation with hers? i've only been with my SO for 6 months. And we are trying to organise our first meeting. it's hard since im studying, he's in the military in the US and im in London, UK. But he is awaiting leave from the army, and will come and spend time with me ASAP. I care about him SO much, and he does about me too, but i'm frightened, especially after hearing from someone with first hand experience.

I know i shouldn't compare myself, since no two situations are the same, and there could be several reasons why they just arent getting along anymore, perhaps the distance is the easiest thing to "blame", i dont know.

But i would love to hear from anyone who is battling long distance with success and your success stories, even if you haven't yet closed the gap.
I need some uplifting news!

[CanadianGirl]

We've been doing this for nearly 5 years and currently working on my fiancée visa, so we'll finally be together. Being apart is crappy, and miscommunications are the worst part, but I really don't think any of our hurdles have been just because of the distance.

[Unconditional]

We do have a forum for success stories which is really nice to read once in a while.

You are right, her relationship is not your relationship. Military LDR's already require immense patience and you and him being separated, so that plus being international is definetly a difficult set up, but I'm positive there are couples on here that have overcome that.
There's many couples here who are closing the distance, becoming engaged and even just got married. Success happens all the time should two people want to make it work.

[sweetshay]

Don't compare!! The last thing you want to do is freak yourself out. Just do what you feel is right. Besides wouldn't it be awesome to prove her wrong some day and say "well my relationship was long distance and we are happier than ever." Seriously, don't listen to the skeptics.

[TheSteelAngel]

Don't compare!! The last thing you want to do is freak yourself out. Just do what you feel is right. Besides wouldn't it be awesome to prove her wrong some day and say "well my relationship was long distance and we are happier than ever." Seriously, don't listen to the skeptics.

THIS! Your relationship is what you and your SO make of it. If you both want to make it work and do everything you possibly can, then I don't see why it wouldn't work out.

[merlinkitty]

I've been doing this 2 years now, still haven't met, but couldn't be happier. Yes, there are a lot of hurdles to jump as this progresses, but just because someone else's isn't working out doesn't mean all LDRs don't work out. You never know. They might not have been entirely right for each other had they been CD and LD is finally making that apparent to them. Just because you're physically near someone doesn't mean everything will work out in the end. LD doesn't change that. What it does change is how you communicate.

I think the most important part of our so far success has been our willingness to communicate and our problem solving skills. He's taught me to focus on solutions since I have a tendency to focus on problems. Yes, we've had our issues in the past, but being able to talk through them, figure out what's going wrong, and deciding on a solution to help us move forward has been our saving grace. It's an ever evolving dynamic. But I wouldn't relate the issues that your friend is having to your situation. Lots of people make it. Just read through the forum and check out people's signatures. Everyone has their own similar, yet unique story to tell. Lots of people have finally closed the distance. I look at these stories with happiness for them and hope for me

[Honour]

Don't listen to what she says. Those are HER personal circumstances, not yours. I've had a string of unlucky and failed LDRs, yet I didn't stop believing they could work. Your story is still being written, as is mine, as is every other soul on this website. Don't give up just because one girl makes you doubt

[abna1]

There are plenty of people on here that have been doing long-distance for years and are still going strong, or are in the process of closing the distance. Like the others and yourself have said: don't compare your relationship. Just make the best of your situation.
Our 3-year anniversary is coming up and we probably won't be closing the distance for another 1,5 years, but we're happy as ever (even though being apart does really suck!)
I hope you'll be able to meet your SO soon and i wish you all the best for your LDR. Stay strong!

[differentcountries]

We have done long distance 16 months and while it is sometimes hard it is also about finding a rutine. We hardly ever bicker or fight, we work together towards the future. We will MAYBE close the distance this year or the next, he might come here to work but he needs a year to pay off debt. I need to buy a bigger flat. Being apart is not something I would choose for us, but still it has got its perks: We get to travel, I started DIY projects, I got to visit his mum very quickly.

Best of luck for the first meeting!

[lovingthealien]

I can relate to this a lot. My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 and a half years CD and 5 months LD. We're looking at 3 more years LD. My best friend was in a CD relationship that was also supposed to turn into an LDR when she left for college, but they never ended up becoming LD because they broke up two days before her departure.

Now, before their breakup, my friend was all "We'll be fine, LDRs can work if you try hard enough, etc." Well when I saw her during winter break, we were discussing relationships and she kept saying all these discouraging things about LDRs, despite her optimistic views on it pre-breakup. When I got fed up with her and told her that my boyfriend and I are doing fine and we intend to stay together, she gave me this "if you say so" kind of look and replied, "Yeah, but three years is a long time."

I was so annoyed with her, but I didn't let her attitude weaken my commitment or my motivation one bit. Just because an LDR didn't work out for someone doesn't mean it won't work out for you. And if someone has a bad experience with an LDR, it's kind of understandable that they turn against the idea of an LDR altogether. It's like how right after any kind of breakup, a lot of people go into this "I hate relationships, true love doesn't exist, I won't trust anyone in the future" phase.

My point is, someone else's experience cannot predict yours, so don't let other people get to you.

[Hollandia]

We were LDR for almost 4 years. We closed the distance in October after years of being apart for months on end for years, six hours apart, financial problems, job losses, family problems and immigration law issues. In order to be together he had to quit a job, we both sold or stored most of our possessions and cleared out all our "rainy day" savings. We had to leave behind friends and family and miss our pets for month after month. We had to go from country to country and we still are adjusting to our new joined home and country, but we are both quite happy together and last week we got married. I miss stuff and he misses stuff, but our love was strong enough. We had hurdles and arguments and weird paranoia stuff and dulldrums with the distance, but that's life. If you love each other enough you make it work. Period. There are ups and downs in all couples, you and your SO and nobody else will make work, 1 mile or 10,000 miles away. Enjoy your SO and have fun and relish in what you have and maybe you can get your happily ever after.

[R&R]

My SO and I have been together a total of just under 2 years (this is our second time around). We're hoping to be able to close the distance by this fall.

Don't let anyone discourage you. Whether CD or LD, it takes communication and effort to make a relationship work. I mean, if someone had 1 CD relationship and it didn't work out, are they going to say "I'll NEVER have a relationship with someone locally again! It's just not worth it!" Of course not. People need to look at the real reason a relationship didn't work - and it's usually lack of communication, effort and trust. A relationship will work when two people have the desire to make it work whether you live in the same house or 10,000 miles away.