Coping with seperation

[Britt6]

My S.O and I have been together going on 14 months we spent 8 apart before meeting.. then we lived together for 6months.. as thats all his country allowed me to stay.. we are currently trying to sort visas for him to come be with me..but we know that they will take awhile to sort, so my question lies as how do we get back on track now... we are both so lost, neither of us sleeping well..going through little depressions. Its so hard being apart now after being together for 6 straight months... This is new for us both. Ive been back home now about 3 weeks and its not getting easier,any tips or tricks on ways to make this any easier?

[Honour]

Oddly enough, I live in Wales myself, and my SO lives in the states.

It might seem repetitious but the best thing I can suggest is, when away from each other, keep as busy as you can. Pursue hobbies. Go out with friends, try something new out. A member once recommended this site to someone else, all credit to Petals, but I think I'll direct you to it as well. The reason I do that is because is it really is a great website.

https://www.meetup.com/

When it comes to time with your SO, can you plan Skype dates? Something to look forward to. Maybe a care package, or a small gift to remind each other distance doesn't really matter? Another thing that works really well (I appreciate it immensely when my SO does it for me) is leaving small love messages all over the place. Whatsapp. Skype. Maybe Facebook. Whatever you guys use to communicate.

Most importantly though... is mentality. We all have issues with coping with the distance at times, depression affecting some more than others, so please understand we know what it is like to cope with such things. I honestly think of us all as beings sisters and brothers-in-distance, because we all have something in common; either we have been in this situation before and share each others' pain, or we are in similar situations and can empathise with you. Try not to dwell, and remember... "I can and I will, we can and we will," not "I can't and I won't, we can't and we won't." Stay positive.

Do you guys have set plans of when you want to get together in real life? Student, or are you working? What about him?

Also, feel free to message me if you'd like. I live in North Wales, not sure where your SO is, but seems we may have something in common

[Britt6]

he was in South Wales, but right after i left he moved.Hes now on the border of Wales/England.The depression isnt doubts or anything just not really knowing how to pick back up where we left off. To be honest both of us were single a good while before meeting.. and we both had intended to stay that way.. and Since we first started speaking we've been more so inseperable and meeting really took a toll on us both, we got so much closer and fell in perfect sync to be apart again we are both left feeling empty and lost, knowing it can be months or even up to a year apart again only makes the pain worse...We cant choose when hes down its waiting for paperwork and visas thats weighing so heavy on us. We personally have no issues with us... its just having trouble filling the empty spaces in our lives and not knowing how to do this for maybe up to another year. Tho I do appreciate the advice

[Honour]

he was in South Wales, but right after i left he moved.Hes now on the border of Wales/England.The depression isnt doubts or anything just not really knowing how to pick back up where we left off. To be honest both of us were single a good while before meeting.. and we both had intended to stay that way.. and Since we first started speaking we've been more so inseperable and meeting really took a toll on us both, we got so much closer and fell in perfect sync to be apart again we are both left feeling empty and lost, knowing it can be months or even up to a year apart again only makes the pain worse...We cant choose when hes down its waiting for paperwork and visas thats weighing so heavy on us. We personally have no issues with us... its just having trouble filling the empty spaces in our lives and not knowing how to do this for maybe up to another year. Tho I do appreciate the advice

Ah, I think I know where you mean now about where he lives. It's great to hear how well both of you have been doing, I've honestly not experienced the separation from my SO since we have yet to meet in real life, though I am planning to go to Georgia to see him in the summer of 2016. When my SO got back in touch with me after a few months of not having spoken (we met about a year ago now) I was set on being single, like... I had no idea what would happen, I wasn't even considering relationships at the time. If anything, I was highly AGAINST them (in context to myself, lol) and as a result, when he told me he was in love with me, I panicked and at first tried to scare him off because I was afraid of hurting him, and unable to give him my love in response. I was falling for him, but I couldn't see it straight to begin with. I've been badly hurt in the past in several ways because of guys, my trust is like... 0. So, after many hours and days of non-stop talking and debating, getting to know him on a deeper level than I ever had before (he literally refused to let me linger in pain and heartache, I was going through a rough time in real life at this point), he somehow managed to pull me back from the depths and opened my eyes. And that was when I realised I DID love him, lol. That was 2 months and a bit ago now, and we've just been getting stronger and stronger each day. We're both "veterans" of LDRs, having had multiple ones in the past fail on both him and me in total, so we're used to the distance, time difference, etc. I take comfort in the fact that, regardless of what my parents may think, one day in the not so distant future we will be able to get together.

But back to you, OP! Enough about me, lol. I'm afraid, as far as my knowledge goes, visas and the likes will take awhile to process as you know, so it will be a waiting game. I hope some of the advice I've given you has been of use. In the meantime, as you wait, perhaps have a chat with some of the other members on the forums? I know there are several here who are in the process of waiting to close the distance; they know better than me what a pain it can be. But of course, you're always welcome to message me Wish you both the best of luck, and crossed fingers too!

[Britt6]

We both knew it would be difficult, because being apart before meeting sucked... but god its times 1000 after u meet, and bc he was single he lived in a studio flat..lol... so 6months of being there we were pretty much always together...I tried my best to learn about his Country where hes from everything from foods to the Welsh tongue... not too much luck there.. from what i hear north Wales is far more current with that than South is.. 6months I learned 1 whole sentence and a few random words like cwtch.. haha. Even brought home a big ass flag..You guys have the most badass flag btw... but honestly for me its not just him I miss.. its everything its the place.. the smells.. I felt soooo at home there coming back here Im lonely and feel out of place, Only thing keeping me here is I have a kid here.. So much is on our shoulders already and being apart makes it so much worse

[differentcountries]

Are you able to move your kid to Wales? If not, your best option would be for him to come to you. Your kid has already had to be without you 6 months, that is like an eternity for a child. Has he met your child?

If your symptoms are like that of a depression, treat it as you would a depression. Look into sleep (always number one), get a thurough health check (any lack of vitamins will make these things worse), see if it is possible to change something about your food, exersize etc. You are lucky that spring is coming, so more sunlight every day!

You have to start making plans for real. If you want to be together in your country or his, how are you going to make that happen? Usually through:
-studies
- work
-marriage
and the visas accordingly, to either of your countries
It could also be possable for both of you to move to another country and abide to the rules there, or hop countries (for a while). Those 5 options are all I can think of.

We plan to do the work route -we have a potentional employee and he has a year to learn the language. We can't marry and he is a lousy student, haha! He is finishing his studies and has just payed himself out of military, so after he has payed the military loan he is free to go.

I have not been in your shoes with living together with an SO so long, but...after staying with him 3 weeks I felt miserable for the next three, at least. Don't sink into a deeper depression. Plan the next visit, it doesn't have to be a long stay, but something to look forward to that will help you stay connected while you plan how to close the distance for longer ammounts of time.

[Britt6]

No, not able to move (wished we could) we know he has to come here for it to work and we've been looking in to out fiance visas seems like the easiest option for us..we're engaged anyways, he hasnt met my child in person,no that was the point of me going to him first i didnt want my son getting super attached just in case we didnt make it, obviously being online and in person is quite different, but they speak often in Skype and surprisingly my son has already told him he loves him, and my S.O feels the same,sent him a Wii and other stuff down with me for his 6th birthday We have our plan its just the waiting game that has us on edge

[Honour]

We both knew it would be difficult, because being apart before meeting sucked... but god its times 1000 after u meet, and bc he was single he lived in a studio flat..lol... so 6months of being there we were pretty much always together...I tried my best to learn about his Country where hes from everything from foods to the Welsh tongue... not too much luck there.. from what i hear north Wales is far more current with that than South is.. 6months I learned 1 whole sentence and a few random words like cwtch.. haha. Even brought home a big ass flag..You guys have the most badass flag btw... but honestly for me its not just him I miss.. its everything its the place.. the smells.. I felt soooo at home there coming back here Im lonely and feel out of place, Only thing keeping me here is I have a kid here.. So much is on our shoulders already and being apart makes it so much worse

Lmao, I hear you. I can speak Welsh fluently, but I moved here when I was 18 months old. So I had a childhood and teenage years spent here learning the language; it's not an easy one to learn, I won't lie. And the fact you have a kid will, sadly, complicate things. But I agree with DC. She has a lot more experience than I do with visas etc.

[Britt6]

Lmao, I hear you. I can speak Welsh fluently, but I moved here when I was 18 months old. So I had a childhood and teenage years spent here learning the language; it's not an easy one to learn, I won't lie. And the fact you have a kid will, sadly, complicate things. But I agree with DC. She has a lot more experience than I do with visas etc.

the one sentence i did learn isnt even universal..I can say "I love you,because you're perfect"lol dont get me trying to write it bc..nope.. but i can speak it lol

[Honour]

the one sentence i did learn isnt even universal..I can say "I love you,because you're perfect"lol dont get me trying to write it bc..nope.. but i can speak it lol

Yes... that sentence is running through my head, and it IS a mouthful, lol.

Hmm, do something reaaally soppy for Valentine's day, maybe plan to have a dinner date or something. You both plan a meal for the day, if you can, cook it and eat it whilst on Skype? That, or a movie night? Watching the same movie together, that is. Sounds wierd, but someone I know did something like this once. It was a wonderful experience apparently xD

[Britt6]

Yes... that sentence is running through my head, and it IS a mouthful, lol.

Hmm, do something reaaally soppy for Valentine's day, maybe plan to have a dinner date or something. You both plan a meal for the day, if you can, cook it and eat it whilst on Skype? That, or a movie night? Watching the same movie together, that is. Sounds wierd, but someone I know did something like this once. It was a wonderful experience apparently xD

We tend to mail each other packages he has an addiction to Our Hershey Cookie n Creme drops.. where i have one to Kinder Bueno..so we swap sweets lol ofc with cards and a love letter in the package

[Honour]

We tend to mail each other packages he has an addiction to Our Hershey Cookie n Creme drops.. where i have one to Kinder Bueno..so we swap sweets lol ofc with cards and a love letter in the package

Good idea! I wish my SO would send me a lifetime supply of Kool Aid, I'm hooked on the stuff. Hershey's Cookies and Creme... *dribbles* Ahem.

[Britt6]

Good idea! I wish my SO would send me a lifetime supply of Kool Aid, I'm hooked on the stuff. Hershey's Cookies and Creme... *dribbles* Ahem.

and I prefer yall's squash to our kool-aid lol I miss kebabs and yorkshire puddings more than anything x well food wise

[differentcountries]

No, not able to move (wished we could) we know he has to come here for it to work and we've been looking in to out fiance visas seems like the easiest option for us..we're engaged anyways, he hasnt met my child in person,no that was the point of me going to him first i didnt want my son getting super attached just in case we didnt make it, obviously being online and in person is quite different, but they speak often in Skype and surprisingly my son has already told him he loves him, and my S.O feels the same,sent him a Wii and other stuff down with me for his 6th birthday We have our plan its just the waiting game that has us on edge

It is nice that they are bonding well already.

From what I hear, US fiance visa can take quite a long time. If you have the money and time, a visit will be worth it. From my experience as part of an international couple, having a set date for next visit is our main way of coping with the pain of seperation.

[80anthea]

Honestly I think the best thing to do is to develop a positive attitude. If you concentrate on the positives and see your relationship as a positive thing rather than a constant negative it is much easier to get through. I haven't seen my SO now for over a year and yes at times it is tough, I'd love to be able to just jump on a plane over the Atlantic but at the same time I know our relationship is extremely strong. We communicate more than some close distance couples I know, we're there for each other mentally if needed and importantly we have our own lives outside of the relationship. I went through a phase after our last visit of constantly wanting a new countdown (and don't get me wring I'd still love one!) but I realised this constantly wishing my life away wasn't healthy at all. Learn to live and be content with the life you have now and the bigger picture will seem much easier.