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    #1

    Emotionally drained

    My SO and I have been on and off for about 6 years and have been exclusive and very serious in the past 8 months (even looked at rings). But even though he says he trusts me, he gives me a really hard time when I stay out with friends longer than he anticipated. He hates using his phone for any reason and doesn't understand I am a very social person who feels the need to be in communication with him as often as we can. We also have a dog together yet he complains about every time I ask him to look after her for just a weekend (she lives with me full time otherwise). I don't know I am just feeling very discouraged because talking to him about it only leads to an argument. I'm not sure if this is the separation getting to us or a huge red flag. I was hoping someone had some advice they could share or just shed some light on this.

    I know my situation could be so much worse and my hat is off to every single military relationship out there. You guys are so strong and I admire you so much.
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    #2
    If you have been on and off in the past, you being a more serious and steady couple may be a very new situation for the past 8 months.

    Are you out five minutes longer, 1 hour or seven hours? Do you let him know you will be later? Does he react if his friends are late too, or just you? A lot of people are sticlers on time. If you previously have been single often (in between your breakups),he may wonder what habits you are keeping from that time. If he is less social than you, he may also misread your desire for new inputs as something else.

    A couple may simply have different preferances on how much they are on the phone. Some people are not fan of phones, for instance a lot of introverts may prefer written communication. You are a "very social person " and him not so much, have you talked about extroversion /introverson and where you fall on the continuum?

    It doesn't sound to me that he is that much of a dog person. Perhaps he regards the dog as your dog, not your common dog. Introvert people tend to prefer cats, btw.

    None of these sound like red flags. But you being an on and off couple for years in the past however is. It may mean you don't know each other or trust each other that much yet. If you argue a lot perhaps instead of solving issues just try to rewind and date as strangers. Do the 1000 questions for lovers.
    I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
    - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



    "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

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      #3
      Agreed with DC, and just wanted to add, he's probably worried if you spend "lots of time" out. I wouldn't say he's being controlling or anything, he's just being a pain in the ass with his worrying by the sounds of it. But aye, how much time do you spend out? Where do you go? Do you go with LOTS of friends, or just 1-2? Drinking and clubbing?

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        #4
        If you want him to trust you and respect your independence, that's absolutely fine. But you need to communicate this to him, and explain to him that you want to be sure of his trust in you. If you really want to deepen and strengthen this relationship, conversations aout your boundaries and expectations absolutely need to happen.

        ~
        It'll take a lot more than words and guns
        A whole lot more than riches and muscle
        The hands of the many must join as one
        And together we'll cross the river

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          #5
          I agree with everyone else so far. Also, in a way, I kind of get where he's coming from, but at the same time, like [b]Honour{/b] said, he might just be a pain in the ass about it. My SO goes out a bit when I'm not around/he has the money to, and he never lets me know when he's going out, or how long he'll be out. I'm lucky if he even calls me on his way home. It's really frustrating. He also might trust you more than you think he does, he's just insecure with himself. That's how I am. I trust my SO, but I know I'm also being stupid when I get mad at him because I'm insecure. Plus, he's super bad at keeping me updated when he's out (he rarely keeps his phone on him/looks at it).

          Basically, I think if you let him know when you're going to be late/keep him updated when you're out, he has not reason to get mad at you. But, if you don't, then I can see where's coming from. I agree that you should talk to him about how you feel and maybe come up with a better solution how to deal with when you go out.

          About your dog, you should talk to him about how it's both your responsibility to take care of her and he shouldn't whine about looking after her for one weekend when you take care of her full-time.

          Also, my SO is bad at talking to me too. He's fine when we're physically together, but when we're not......... So, on that part, I feel you. We've had talks about it, but it pretty much just boils down to the fact that he's not really a talkative person electronically. It's still hard to get used to, and we've been together for over 2 years, but I've just learned to accept that this is just how he is. He's the same way with his friends and family too. I'm the only person he talks to on (pretty much) a daily basis, and the only person he even wants to talk to on a daily basis...no matter how little we actually talk when we do talk.

          So, all in all, you need to have a talk with your SO and explain to him how you've been feeling. If he reacts badly to it, he needs to understand that this is what happens when you're in a serious, committed, relationship. You have to talk about issues and you're just trying to explain your feelings.

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            #6
            When i am "out" i am just out for drinks with 1 or 2 of my girl friends. He always knows who I'm with and even where we are. I will definitely have a talk with him about our differences in social personalities and hopefully that will help. Thank you so much for your advice

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              #7
              I rarely go "out" anymore. If I do, it is with 1 to 2 girl friends and he knows them well. They are both in relationships so we aren't out mingling. We typically go out for 2 hours, 3 hours max. But it's mostly just to catch up on work and relationships.

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                #8
                Originally posted by Wareagle13 View Post
                I rarely go "out" anymore. If I do, it is with 1 to 2 girl friends and he knows them well. They are both in relationships so we aren't out mingling. We typically go out for 2 hours, 3 hours max. But it's mostly just to catch up on work and relationships.
                Sounds like me. Every so often, like on the 10th February, me and my girl buddies from uni head out clubbing and we down a few drinks too, just for the fun of it all. I've never had any real issues with my SO, he's just more often than not teased me about the drunk texts I sometimes send him! He just wants to know that I'll be safe, even if sometimes I do reckless things, like walking down dark shortcuts on the way home. I've had a few guys grope me and try things on with me, but the last time I got groped, I caught the culprit and smacked him upside the head. Being a friend of a friend with a good sense of humour, however, he took it in his stride and got the hint. I haven't had all that many issues. I mean, it's not like I wear revealing clothing or something, or get so drunk I'm delirious, I just swear, some students are completely shameless, lol.

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