Mixed feelings, feeling confused

[Happygirl123]

I really care for my SO. We haven't been able to meet yet, hopefully he can come this autumn.

Yesterday we were on Skype (for several hours) and he said some things which kind of confused me, and unfortunately they're playing on my mind and affecting me.

I knew my SO did some "bad" things in his past, but whilst having a 'heart to heart' yesterday, I discovered the true extent, and a lot of our views in life and considerably different. With this being said, I'm accepting him for who he is, and how he treats me (generally well).

Somehow the conversation turned into things that we'd change if we had control over (such as distance). I said I'd change nothing about him, then he started saying things he'd change about me and I feel like 90% of the time he gets me wrong, and only interprets things I say the way he wants to see them, not how I actually mean them.

For example, I ask him if he's found out when he's coming out of the military. Yesterday he told me he had a 24hr shift. Well he got the dates wrong, but didn't tell me he was home. So I assumed he was still at work & he was very persistent in skyping me. So I thought, if he's at work & wants to Skype me (which he's never done on a 24hr shift) maybe he has news from the military. Last night because of this one thing, he was saying how I make assumptions, and I was wrong etc. but I didn't do anything bad? :s

Also, when speaking hypothetically where we may live (USA his country/UK mine) I said to him well I think it's important to have a network of family or friends close to you especially if you ever need help. He turned around and said to me "I have family in the USA, you make it sound like your family Is the only family". And I explained I wasn't talking about my family, I was talking generally about my views.

I have no idea what's going on :/ he has mood changes, sometimes I put it down to the military (it affected him quite a bit emotionally), also he's had a hard life (tough experiences) and his general emotions are a bit hard to comprehend.
Sorry for the long post, just wanted to express myself

[p_b82]

you can't get upset if the discussion point was raised and you feel like you would not change him, but he then has a few things he would change about you - I guess it comes down to how you 'love' other people... I mentioned it the other day in a couple of different posts, but this URL explains it a little more detail.
https://www.thebookoflife.org/if-you...-to-change-me/

Every-one has thier own way of interpreting things, but if he consistently is 'getting you wrong' it would personally make me question a few things.... Will this be the case always, or just the distance etc.

some advice I was given in the run up to my breakup, was that one should never make excuses for some-one else's behaviour. Hard lives or not, you can accept that they might react in a way that is not 'normal' but you should not accept the behaviour as a result of that.

As an Army child, I know first hand what PTSD does to people - it is likely that the 'damage' done will be very difficult to reverse; and he will probably be 'difficult' to comprehend for the rest of his life.....

[Moon]

One of the most important factors to making a relationship work in the long term, I think, is compatible values and ethics. If your views in life are vastly different, and he doesn't understand you at all, I have to wonder what it is you're getting out of this relationship? Being understood is very important, knowing that somebody out there "gets" you is one of the best feelings in the world. You don't want to go through life having to constantly explain yourself, over and over again. If you can't find common ground on anything, you're going to find yourself extremely frustrated all of the time, and it sounds like that may already be happening. You need to think hard if this is something you can, or want to, live with.

Also, you haven't met yet, it's too premature to really discuss closing the distance, especially since visits between the US and UK are easy, not a once in a lifetime thing. Don't stress over this until you've actually had a few visits and get some idea what it's like to be together. On that subject, have you ever mentioned that you expect him to move to you? If so, that could explain his reaction to your discussion. Good luck.