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    #1

    SO's ex advice?

    Hey, guys!

    So, my boyfriend and I have been together for well over a year now. We are so beyond in love and it couldn't be more perfect! However, he is five years older than me (i'm 17 and he's 21), so he has more history than I do by far. When we began talking, he was dating this girl (lets call her Jane). We were ONLY friends and nothing else while he was with her, even though we knew we had feelings for each other. (Not like we could even be anything else since we were separated by an ocean, but we wouldn't have snuck around while he was with her even if we did live in the same country!)

    Long story short, after almost two years of being really unhappy and only using each other as a bounce-back, they decided to break up. He and I got together soon after and Jane even got back with one of her ex's (lets call him Joe). I've been with my boyfriend for well over a year and Jane has been with Joe for just short of a year. I admit, I do creep on Jane's twitter every once in awhile simply because she's super dramatic and it's kind of entertaining. (I know that's bad to say, don't judge!) Well, Jane likes to bad mouth my boyfriend a LOT on twitter. It can get REALLY bad, and he knows nothing of it since he doesn't know that I know her twitter. He has tried to keep my name and everything about me away from anyone that would tell her and her boyfriend about me. However, my boyfriend's best friends (they're a couple in their 30's) are still close with Jane (Joe is the woman's nephew) and the couple may have let something slip about me. (I'm good friends with them, so it was for sure an accident if it was them.) Basically, my boyfriend visited me for 3 months in America over the holidays, and Jane found out through the couple most likely. Now, Jane knows a bit about me and is ranting like crazy on twitter and is saying some VERY hurtful things about my boyfriend and I.

    I refuse to get involved with Jane personally (even though I do want to respond to her tweets and set her straight), but I feel so sick letting this be said behind my dear boyfriend's back. He doesn't deserve any of what she is saying about him because he is the sweetest, most gentle man I have ever met. He makes me feel so wonderful and I just want to protect him just as he wants to protect me.

    Also, Jane and Joe are trying to find me on the internet, and they will for sure harass me. I need advice! Should I tell him what happened so that he can figure out who told? (I don't want to cause a fall-out with his friends, though. They've done so much for him and have basically been his mother and father figure and I am so grateful for how much they've helped him) Do you think that she is secretly jealous considering she is still bothered about my boyfriend even though she is with someone else?

    I'm so sorry if this is confusing! I just need help!!! Thanks in advance!!! xoxo
    Last edited by AlexaNicolexo; February 15, 2015, 11:54 AM.
    Tags: None
    #2
    I definitely think she's jealous, but I also feel like your best bet would be to just ignore them. She obviously wants attention, so don't give it to her. Let her be petty and embarrass herself on twitter, because anyone who buys into what she says isn't worth your time or your boyfriend's time. If she and her boyfriend find you to harass you, block them. You can block IP addresses on your email account, and it's very easy to block on facebook and stuff. Shit, you can even report them for harassment on facebook, and I imagine you can do the same on twitter and whatever.
    If you give her the attention she's stomping her feet for, she's going to feel encouraged to keep throwing a tantrum. She wants your boyfriend's attention, and for people like her, all attention is good attention. Anything you do to interact with her, she is going to interpret as her winning. She and her boyfriend honestly aren't worth the trouble.
    As for telling your boyfriend, that's up to you. If you do tell him, I'd strongly advise him to not confront her about it. Again, you don't want to give her what she wants. At the same time, I guess there's no real harm in him knowing what's going on just so he's informed. I would keep his friends out of it, because you don't want to accidentally drag them into her mess. They most likely weren't trying to be malicious, and if she's openly vocal about how much she dislikes you and your boyfriend, I'm sure they're already aware they made a mistake.

    Comment

      #3
      I have to agree with Harlequin. There is jealousy inside of her, and seemingly some rage too. She seems to caught up in her ex to care about hurting anyone. The best thing I could say is to simply ignore them.
      "We are beings attracted to the essence of hope, and life is the all encompassing hope that everything can change; that everything can be better."

      Comment

        #4
        Stop checking her Twitter and put stronger privacy settings on your own social media accounts (blocking her and her boyfriend is a good way to go as well as making everything "private" or only for your contacts to view). That way you don't have to see the hurtful things she says and she'll have a hard time getting to you via social media. If you want entertainment, MTV seems to have plenty of drama-filled reality shows. It doesn't seem like harassment is an issue yet so if you block the possible culprits before it happens, it'll be harder for it to happen, especially since you don't have a reason to interact with them right now, anyway.
        When two hearts are meant for each other, no distance is too far,
        no time is too long, and no other love can break them apart.

        Comment

          #5
          Lol don't snoop if your story just ended with the hurtful comments I would say just let her say whatever she wants. She's entitled to her opinion and any interferance from you will just fuel the fire. She might be jealous, she might still be angry and hurt from how things went down with her and your SO. Either case, she's displaying the maturity of a child.

          I'm concerned they're both trying to track you down, however. There is a "Miss U" series this website puts out and yesterday's had to do with disappearing. I'd like for you to read this. I'll include the link below.

          I'll tell you a personal story that I was witness to a couple years back of jealousy and immaturity gone frightening. A friend and I were involved in an online social nightmare that essentially stemmed from a gang of women who'd gathered around a really nasty man. My friend was in a really bad place in her life. Husband issues followed by the very violent and gruesome death of her 17 year old nephew. With this traumatic loss, my friend started pulling away from them and they took this as a personal affront to this man they had surrounded like sheep. These women who were living in what I saw as an online fantasy land and I don't think could tell the difference between online drama and real life trauma. They began stalking her online, threatening her family, and calling the cops for "wellness" checks on her. The attacks on her were state side, but also international.

          Don't let that pond make you think they can't find you. I personally was so angry about what was going on with my friend I seriously considered going after the man myself. By the little footprints he left online I was able to find his real name (I knew him under an alias), his wife's name, his child's school, his home, the license plate of his motorcycle, his work, his work email, and his Skype account. A pond separated me from him, I don't consider myself massively computer savvy, and yet I had in my hand so much personal information that had I been someone else, I could have done a lot of damage to this man and his family.

          I would take the threat seriously and do the recommended things on the Miss U article. It is no joke that the footprint you leave online can be traced back to you. Pictures I'd seen of his bike, a picture taken out of a window, miscellaneous comments he made that I was able to tie to him all led me to the information I found on him. These girls did the same to my friend and scared the bejeezus out of her in the midst of dealing with the death of her nephew. The internet gives people anonymity and balls they wouldn't have otherwise. I think for some as well, it makes it harder for them to understand that the threats they make from 5000 miles away are just as serious as ones CD. Take caution and take it seriously. You may have to let your SO know as well since he's much closer to what's getting ready to happen if this ex can whip up enough support.

          https://members.lovingfromadistance....w-To-Disappear
          Last edited by merlinkitty; February 15, 2015, 12:43 PM.
          "Sometimes you just have to let art flow over you."

          Comment

            #6
            Block those bitches and carry on with your life. Pettiness like that is laughable, but after awhile it gets dry. Let those green-eyed monsters glare all they want, it's your life, your happiness, and you don't need that stupidity to ruin it. Agreed with what the others have said, I just wanted to add that comment

            Comment

              #7
              I'd say to just ignore her - Karma has a way of catching up to people like that....

              If you really feel bad about what she is saying and you have to tell your BF, then you might mention it in passing.... but know that if you do, it will probably open a big can of worms......

              If he has no ammo to use, then they will normally move on to something else that is 'bothering' them I find....

              Personally I'd stop following her on twitter and make sure she can't 'find' you by doing a few simple things - if she does, and starts to harrass you, then just ignore it completely....

              Comment

                #8
                Thanks so much to everyone! I will just block her on all of my accounts and stay off her twitter. Hopefully this will all settle down. I talked with my mom about it (my mom knows what she's like considering she kicked up something on facebook while my boyfriend was visiting me a month ago), so she's aware of the situation as well. Thanks to everyone for your help!!! <3
                xoxo

                Comment

                  #9
                  Oh good. I'm glad to hear you told your mom as well. Stay safe!!
                  "Sometimes you just have to let art flow over you."

                  Comment

                    #10
                    I've blocked my SO's ex on FB after I found out she "knew what I looked like" before I had even seen her in person. My SO has also tightened up the security on his FB (though, that's because of his job). I found that she is still mutual friends with his friends on FB so she was able to see mine and his profiles. I thought it was creepy, so I instantly blocked her. She is the jealous, psycho type. My SO and I have been together for over 2 years, but she still tries to text him, even though she supposedly has a boyfriend that she lives with.

                    Like others have said, definitely keep up the blocks on her, and tighten your security settings. On my FB, only my friends can see things and I make sure to "limit past activity", or whatever it is, every now and then so anything that does get posted publicly (cover photos, profile pictures, etc) won't be displayed anymore.

                    Comment

                      #11
                      Originally posted by whatruckus View Post
                      I've blocked my SO's ex on FB after I found out she "knew what I looked like" before I had even seen her in person. My SO has also tightened up the security on his FB (though, that's because of his job). I found that she is still mutual friends with his friends on FB so she was able to see mine and his profiles. I thought it was creepy, so I instantly blocked her. She is the jealous, psycho type. My SO and I have been together for over 2 years, but she still tries to text him, even though she supposedly has a boyfriend that she lives with.

                      Like others have said, definitely keep up the blocks on her, and tighten your security settings. On my FB, only my friends can see things and I make sure to "limit past activity", or whatever it is, every now and then so anything that does get posted publicly (cover photos, profile pictures, etc) won't be displayed anymore.
                      That sounds like her personality to a T. thank you for your advice! xoxo

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