I'm just being honest...

[S41r4]

I can’t help but be envious of all of you who live in the same country as their SO. I’ve lived in the US for four years so I do know how large the country is. Of course this isn’t a personal attack on anyone and if I am offending anyone I am beyond apologetic as that isn’t my aim at all.

I just WISH I lived a 1000 miles from my SO. I wish, even if it took 20 hours I could drive my car to her.

Maybe for all of those currently struggling with distance and do have their SO in the same country, here’s some perspective. I’ve paid between $800-1500 dollars for airfare that’s not including anything beyond just a ticket price. A direct flight is almost 9 hours and with all the security and travelling the average journey is around 14 hours. That in itself means I must take some days off work.

I sincerely hope that I’m not annoying anyone because for an unemployed person, an hour’s distance might seem impossible. I’m just letting you know, I’m jealous of you.

[conejita_hada]

Out of pure curiosity, are you trying to start a debate/argument? I understand where you're coming from and I don't want to come off as snarky. My SO lives in a country that the US doesn't take kindly to visa allowance. He can't visit me. I'm a graduate student that makes just about the US federal poverty line for a single person. Figuring out travel costs and not going further into debt to be able to see him is hard while supporting myself. It sucks. That is however, relative to what other people go through with their LDRs. It's not a pissing match about who has it worse. Remember that the community is here for support so while it's good to vent, it's probably best to not vent the jealousy to a forum that you're jealous of and can't gauge your intentions from mere words on a page.

[Moon]

I'm not jealous, I'm happy for people who get to be closer to the one they love. I'm glad when they don't have it as hard or expensive as I do. You might be the one who needs perspective, after all, you did choose to be in your relationship, as difficult as it can be, just like I chose to be with someone 4200+ miles and a continent away. Don't be envious of other people's relationships, it's not healthy for your own, take it as it is and appreciate the time you do get, some people go years before even meeting.

[S41r4]

nope absolutely not trying to start an argument, far from it in fact. And I honestly coudn't be more sorry if I did annoy anyone, truly I mean that.

All I meant was recently I’ve been recently reading a lot about people struggling with a couple hours of driving distance and it was more of a, hey I know it sucks, if it were easy you wouldn’t be looking for support online, but some people have it a bit harder and consider yourself lucky.

Just like I consider myself lucky in comparison to some.

I really wasn’t trying irk anyone really but more to the people who are closer to their SO, just saying I am envious of you.

Of course it is my decision to stick it out and be in a LDR.

[S41r4]

maybe I should add, I just found out my boss got fired meaning I now have 3 peoples work to do and taking any time off is probably gonna be a no.

I feel I have offended people and I'm probably writing another post because that was so not my intention. I just meant it like you lucky people who are a car drive from their SO's, albeit a very long drive.

i'm sorry

[lyonsgirl]

I'm sorry you live so far from your SO. I understand that you are experiencing some jealousy: so here. Let's look at it this way.

I see my family once a year, if that. It's over $800 for a ticket, and double that if my husband wants to come too. It takes 3 flights to see them, and nothing less than 13 hours: there are no direct flights between us. We are only able to see his family two or three times a year, and although they are closer it takes a full day of non-stop driving to reach them, or about $700 for 2 plane tickets.

My point here: I'm not moving to be nearer my family because I would have leave my husband behind. Most of us on this forum are in some kind of LDR: SO, friends or family. It's always hard, no matter who is far away. There will always be challenges, and it will always cost more than we can afford to see them. But it is always worth it.

[80anthea]

Yep being intercontinental sucks. However I'd rather cope with the trials and tribulations it brings for someone I love rather then live within driving distance of someone who doesn't make me happy.

[randomnerd]

I understand what you are saying. My SO and I live "only" 1200 miles apart from each other and I do feel bad posting in here sometimes because we are in the same country. I don't have to take additional steps when I go to visit him and we are both in big enough cities that have their own airport. I suppose we could drive to see each other but an 18 hour drive is not plausible with our schedules.

I know we could have it "worse" but the distance does still suck though. I have the utmost respect for what those in intercontinental relationships have to go through.

[R&R]

I don't think you were trying to start an argument. You were venting a little bit how you feel. I can understand your perspective. I have the utmost respect for those that are dealing with Visa's, 20 hour flights, time differences, etc.

Let me tell you a little about my family. My current SO lives 1,000 miles away and that was a 16 hour drive. My older daughter's on again-off again SO lives in Canada and she can get to him in under 6 hours even though he is in a different country. My other daughters SO is currently stationed in Uzbekistan and was in Botswana the year before - she can't even go see him if she wants to and could afford to. We have pretty much every scenario going. There are tons of different situations and each person has their own struggles within that relationship as far as being able to see them. However, we do all share the love for our SO's and the fact that no matter the distance and obstacles, we have made this choice and will do what we need to in order to have the relationship.

[merlinkitty]

I totally get what you're saying. It really does no good to compare your situation to others. For all the closeness and regularity that some people here get to see their SOs, however, I wouldn't trade them for anything. Everyone's situation has their own trials. Maybe I'm too glass half full, which I've been told before, but focusing on the negative aspects of any situation really doesn't do any good. At least not for me. Knowing the time difference is so great makes me value the time I do get all that much more.

[Unconditional]

Distance is distance. It is that single thread that binds us all together here as a community.

I understand your need to vent, I think we've all been there at one point or another but it does no good to state your vents here when it could possibly offend others. We're all on different paths, we're all in different situations. It does no good to compare, it won't make anyone any happier.

[S41r4]

I'm starting to wish I hadn't said anything. Guys, I'm sorry.
Of course we all have it difficult, in different ways I'm sure.

And I'm definitely not trying to be insensitive. I suppose I'm just having one of those days, where I wish I could see her after work, for dinner. Instead arranging dinner is such a huge struggle, with working out days, holiday leave, her schedule, finances, a carer for my little brother....

Butttt I am so not miserable in my decision to be in this LDR. And as I always say to her, I'd rather go through this with her, than be with anyone else.

on the plus side, we had our first discussion on closing the distance yesterday : )

[Unconditional]

We all have those days that get us down. Those days that it seems like you can feel every mile between us. Don't worry.

[Miasmata]

It's alright. I don't think you truly offended anyone here, at least from how I see it - People merely gave you some perspective. We're all in these relationships out of our own volition, and no matter the issues, I think we all understand where the other comes from. You can be lucky in one area and have it really tough in another. It's not black-and-white, and it's good to remember that! Take good care of yourself, and remember all the good your relationship yields for you. And if you need advice or a supportive shoulder or three - We're here!

[snow]

What you have to focus on is the good things! I have been in an international relationship for 2 and a half years with $1000 tickets and 18 hours travel everytime I wanted to see him, BUT we made it through!
Yes, being in an international LDR sucks, but if they're worth it, you will eventually find a way to be together