I'm just being honest...

[whatruckus]

I might only live about 100 miles from my SO, but it still doesn't take the pain away from when we're not together. I don't even really get to see him much. I just saw him over Valentine's Day, after over a month because I was sick and the weather sucked, and we hit another rough patch. Before that, it was weeks. We might live the closest to each other out of the couples on here, but it still doesn't mean it doesn't suck. We're still not like CD couples. I can't just call him up and be like, "Yo, I'm coming over." I don't have the money, or the time. Neither does he. We usually try to plan our visits a week in advance, so I have time to get my money together and all of my laundry and what not.

Even the couples that you think might have it easier than you really don't. We all face the same problems. Finding time to talk, time to see each other, saving up money for visits, missing them...it's all the same when it boils down to it. Comparing the distances is like comparing lives. You can't. Everybody has problems and struggles.

You have to focus on the good things, because if you focus on the negative...it's only going to drag you down.

Also, I'm very aware that some people on here have it harder than I do, and I always make it a point to let everyone know that I understand and I wish that things were easier for them. If I had it my way, and everyone still had to be LDR, I'd make it so everyone was at least driving distance of their SO's.

[conejita_hada]

I wasn't offended (especially since we're both international LDRs, haha). My post was more that stating something in such a way can potentially be offensive and that writing something on the internet, anyone can read it in any tone. My post probably came off with a different tone than I meant because, well, the internet is void of body language. Don't be sorry for feeling miserable about the distance. Distance sucks. You're right about if you have to go through an LDR, it's best with your SO because the eventual visit is just awesome! Like whatruckus said, focus on the good things.

[Honour]

Totally understand it, but I agree with Moon. I can't help but feel happy for those who've closed the distance, or whose SO's live in the same country as them. The photos always reduce me to tears, lol.

[Alle1770]

I totally understand where you're coming from - I'm almost 9000 miles from my SO and tickets are at least 1100$. My travel-itinerary usually consists of 2hrs on a bus to the airport, 2hr flight, 5hr layover, 13hr flight to Argentina, 3hr layover in Buenos Aires, another 2hr flight and 2hrs on another bus to get to his hometown. I get jealous of people around me that are "only" 2hrs drive away from their SO, especially on "bad days". But what you have to remind yourself of (as you've done already ) is that distance is always distance. Even if someone is "only" a 2hr drive away from their SO, other factors might make it so that they cannot meet. It might be financial, not having a car, being unable to take time off of work, illness, what have you.

We're all in this together, no matter if it's 5 miles or 10.000

[BlueCat]

Don't be sorry. International relationships suck and yes I am jealous of people who have a LDR within the same country, I would give anything to be in that situation instead of an international one. That's not to say I hate those people or anything, I simply find it difficult because I'm the sort that if I had a free weekend and even if it was a 10 hour drive, I'd be packing up for the weekend and going every now and then, just because I could.

It doesn't mean that I'm not proud of or thankful for my own situation though. Jealousy is a natural feeling to have, but it doesn't mean that I have to act on it.

[Alis]

How I understand you! My cousin has the similar situation. She met a cool guy on Kovla dating website and they fell in love at once. Then they discovered that there are 15 hours flight between them. My cousin states that their love is stronger than distance. I wish you the same!

[Verotten]

Hehe flights to see my SO cost me $3000, 24 hours or more flying, opposite timezones; we literally couldn't be further apart. So I completely get where you're coming from, I've definitely been guilty of begrudging 'lucky' people whose SO's are in the same country or only a few hours further.

But really it's just me being silly, because long distance is long distance. It would be just as bad for us if we were half the distance, or even a quarter, I'd still miss him just as much. Sure, maybe we'd be able to afford to see each other more, but I guess that just makes our time together all the more precious. I can wait in the meantime, we'll beat that distance one day regardless of how far it is.

It's kind of like when people make a competition out of what tragedies they've lived through, belittling others' difficulties doesn't help either of you.. if anything it just makes you wallow in your misery more, and burns a bridge to someone who has at least SOME understanding of what you're going through. And really they aren't comparable anyway, since people vary so much in how much they can take.
Sorry, not scolding you, more lile scolding me.! <3

[Hollandia]

For me it was the fear I hated the most. I was afraid some govt would keep us apart and travel day stress was all about border control. This is why I feel their are tiers, but not competition. I am still waiting for it to sink in, no more immigration time clock. Now we just miss our families.

[S41r4]

Its interesting to see that to some extent quite a few people either understood where I was coming from or almost agreed.
But I also agree with pretty much all of the above. I’m not begrudging or hating or anything like that. I just meant some of you are very lucky that trips can be planned a lot more easily and don’t require international travel, and yes the border issues! I actually posted last week about my fears for my upcoming trip!

Distance is distance, rightly so. And unless our partners are right by us, we’ve all got to deal with it.
If there’s one thing I love about this forum, it’s the support and perspective. Thanks guys xx

[BlueCat]

I think that's the biggest issue for me. It's not so much the amount of miles, as it is the different countries. Even if we only lived 500 miles apart but in separate countries, it's possible we'd still be apart. But living 3000 miles apart in the same country, we could have closed that gap years ago.

I understand the whole "border protection" thing, but it really takes its toll.

[Hollandia]

There was plenty of times back when I had the cash and time to go, but a govt law was still keeping me locked away from him. I used to have nightmares one day, they would just stop letting me come, and no matter how hard I worked to afford it, it would not matter.

We never did find a way to close in NL either, it took an EU law and both leaving our countries to do it. We are an island here, all of our support system is in other countries. We both feel our friends becoming more distant and have to miss our families. I still can't work here while I wait to get my residence card from UK so we choose to be warm or have food on some days. This would never have been if we did not have this horrid immigration to deal with. For 4 years of my life immigration has been the bane of my existence and to this day it remains a hurdle to our life quality. We are together now and that is what mattes most, but I have paid some very large prices for our international love...............savings gone, car gone, dog- with ex, adult daughter-an ocean and immigration laws away.... and get sick to my stomach when I think about the fear it can still bring up, so yes OP, I do understand what you are saying.