Struggling after our first meet

[Pdf3]

Me and the man I'm with have just met. I traveled to his city two weeks ago and just returned home three days ago. We were falling hard even before we met and I already knew this was the man I wanted to spend my life with. And meeting him in person only confirmed that. I could feel that he felt the same way. After a week of being there, we went to a party with his friends and both drank, but I drank a little too much. And I am fully aware of that. Nothing bad happened. But at some point within the night something happened within him that even he can't explain. After that night I felt him pull away, and our last two days together were not the same.
We are very very honest with each other about our feelings and what we think. We've discussed several times about what had happened and he told me he's not sure why he pulled away but he's trying to figure it out. He told me he still wants to try to make this work, and that he still wants us to only see each other (because we are not official).
It hurt me, and is still hurting me because I know I want to keep this going. I am wanting to give this relationship my all, and at this point I'm still unaware as to whether or not he wants to. He does miss me, and he does care about me just as much. But he's still trying to process and decipher how this is going to work. I'm trying to give him his space. But I have never felt this strongly for someone, I have never felt this sure about someone.
I have never opened myself up this much to anyone before, and I've dealt with a lot of rejection in my life so I'm terrified this may end the same way.

I'm unaware as to how to deal with this. Neither of us have been in a long distance relationship before. How do I cope and comfort him while he's still processing? How do I try to rekindle the connection we had before that night? I'm terrified I might lose the man I want to spend my life with..

If anyone has been in a similar situation I would really appreciate private messages to have a one on one conversation as well.

[NukilikUlva]

Well I've never been in this "specific" type of situation but I can tell you after the first meet things do change. Me and my girlfriend got into a lot of arguments right after our first meet. Mostly because we missed each other. We were scared, we were trying to come up with how two young people across the nation were going to make their relationship work. He is probably feeling the same way. The best advice I can give you is talk. Never stop talking. Always be open about your ideas and feelings. A LDR cannot thrive without communication. Talk about you fears, what you think y'all can do, why you feel the way you do, etc. Just don't be condescending or place any blame.

Hope this helps just a little, you're not alone <3

[R&R]

The best thing you can do is give him the time he needs to figure things out. He probably does have an idea as to what is bothering him but needs time to sort through it himself first.

How long had you been talking before you met? You also stated you aren't even official as a couple yet. I think you really need to slow down. One step at a time. You are putting way to much pressure on yourself and an exclusive relationship that doesn't even exist yet.

[Pdf3]

The best thing you can do is give him the time he needs to figure things out. He probably does have an idea as to what is bothering him but needs time to sort through it himself first.

How long had you been talking before you met? You also stated you aren't even official as a couple yet. I think you really need to slow down. One step at a time. You are putting way to much pressure on yourself and an exclusive relationship that doesn't even exist yet.

We talked for five months before meeting. And although we are not "official" we act as though this is a relationship. All of the emotions, sharing, people knowing about us, etc. is all happening. The only thing is that he is still trying to figure out how it's going to work. Where as I am an optimist and have faith that it will. I don't mean to put as much pressure on this as it may seem. I am just a very sure person. When I believe in something, I am very passionate about it and I put all of my energy into making it a top priority and creating the reality of it. It scares me that his passion for making this happen is no longer as strong as mine. He did admit to me that he is scared. Very scared. I just wish I knew how to comfort him and assure him that it will work out.

[Moon]

We talked for five months before meeting. And although we are not "official" we act as though this is a relationship. All of the emotions, sharing, people knowing about us, etc. is all happening. The only thing is that he is still trying to figure out how it's going to work. Where as I am an optimist and have faith that it will. I don't mean to put as much pressure on this as it may seem. I am just a very sure person. When I believe in something, I am very passionate about it and I put all of my energy into making it a top priority and creating the reality of it. It scares me that his passion for making this happen is no longer as strong as mine. He did admit to me that he is scared. Very scared. I just wish I knew how to comfort him and assure him that it will work out.

You can't actually assure him this will work out, there are no guarantees in relationships, LD or CD, or in life, for that matter. Faith is nice, but a plan and logistics are better. Five months of talking isn't much, to be honest, it sounds like you're creating something that's not quite there yet, and perhaps you should be focusing on today, instead of the rest of your life with him. He's allowed to be scared, the best thing to do is just be consistent and be around, and give his fears a chance to fade on their own. Good luck.

[merlinkitty]

I was going to say something like Moon did. My brain isn't firing today like I wish it were, but my guy admitted to me about a year into this that he was scared. I think about the same time he told me to slow down, that we needed to pace ourselves in this, that it was okay to keep some feelings to ourselves. We're not defined right now either even though we both behave like it. For him, he told me once that he wanted a chance to meet and bond properly before we entered into anything more serious. We meet for the first time in 5 weeks.

I guess right now he's either having a reality freeze moment or just plain scared. Moon is right. He's allowed to be scared. I think it's been healthy for us to have a little fear in us about this because it helps keep us grounded. I've been patient through all this because I feel it's worth it. He needs to feel comfortable in his own time. I'm just here being the person he's come to care for and I think he appreciates it when I don't pressure him into a "feel better performance."

Just let him process this. If it truly starts to go south, then you'll know when it's time to get out. It doesn't seem like it is right now though. It just seems like you've hit a bump in the road. You're going to have many of these. The only advice I have is what the others have said; be patient with him. Opening yourself to someone is scary business. It's a crazy trust exercise. You fall into each other and my goal is to make the fall feel as smooth as it possibly can

[differentcountries]

People are always going to be scared in relationships, especially in the beginning. I know my man has been scared many times. I just had to be woman enough to not be scared away by his doubts, nor push him, just say: I am here and I have suggestions. Please don't plan out your whole life after just having met once, no matter how tempting. Enjoy the moment while starting to plan for next visits. That will be enough.

[rhabdoviridae]

It's possible that your enthusiasm and certainty in your future is scaring him, which is reasonable after only five months. You say you want to be there for him and comfort him, but I think the best idea at this point is to tone things down a bit on your side. Take things day by day or week by week instead of talking about the rest of your life and see if he comes around.

[p_b82]

I'll echo the slow down comments.... if you are not official, you don't need to plan out or dream about forever too much.

My recent ex got slightly cold feet after the first visit, but it took her 4months to vocalise the fact that she didn't feel the same way I did. the positive is that your BF has opened dialogue with you about it already, my ex didn't. So just listen to his fears, stop talking so much about the future, and live together for the now.

If the spark is there, just doing that will be enough to keep it alive if he wants it as much as you.

What you might find is that he suddenly realised that when you are not there, the time he enjoys spending with you is not going to exist, and he is working out how to deal with that himself - and if he can. Some can't!

[Honour]

Pull the emergency break!!

Slow down a tad. Like the others said, you probably scared him. Let him ease himself into this all. Taking the plunge any time, first LDR or after many failed LDRs, isn't easy.