All of a sudden an end to it :'(

[SincereLovingSoul]

My gf and I have been together for 1 year 3 months. Before that we were the best of friends, such that neither would start the day without listening to the other, and gradually it gave rise to a strong and loving relationship. We met through a common friend on phone and fb (haven't met yet in real). She is my first love and the most supportive person in my life. Our relationship is so true that we even thought of sex only after marriage and I was honestly happy with it. Around six months back, we actually thought and took a decision of marrying each other in future, probably after 3 years.
The main thing is she has been very doubtful about our parents agreeing to our marriage, especially hers because they don't believe in love marriages. She overheard a conversation of one of her relatives who asked his son to leave home if he wanted to marry a girl of his choice. And that has affected her a lot. You know, even I cannot take a guarantee of my parents right now but inside me I feel I can fight for our love, and convince all both families. I know it will take time but I don't want to lose her now.
Around two days back, her mother doubted of her having a relationship and asked her about it. So she told her everything about us cuz she didnt want to hide anything from her mother, keeping in mind that earlier in her previous relationship, her bf cheated on her to which she tried to commit suicide. Her mother just said one thing that if she wants her parent's life, then she should end all this and her father will never agree to it.
And now, even though she loves me, she wants to go away from me :'( God knows why my relationship has come to such an end when I cant even do anything since me and her have just begin our careers and cant just go and ask her to marry me. I am totally devastated.. There is like no justice for love in this world. She is judging everything when she hasnt even seen the future. What if her parents agree to our marriage? How can they judge me without knowing me or talking to me once?
I have tried to tell her endless things for the past two days, but she says she cannot give pain to her parents cuz she know they will never agree to our marriage and even if they did, they wont be happy themselves. And now she has asked me to move on in life.. like its very easy.
My only love with whom I took the decision to live forever with all my sincerity, and this is how its gonna end?
Someone please help me out here..

[Redheart14]

I'm so sorry to hear this. Have you ever spoken to her parents? Did you have plans to meet?

[SincereLovingSoul]

No I haven't yet spoken to her parents yet.
And yeah, we had plans to meet this after June probably but she says this relationship stuff is over for her. She may just sacrifice this love for her parents.
Currently, I have just started my career about 6 months ago. And she will be starting it this year after her final exams in May. So, I don't know right now what assurance I'll be able to give to her folks for a luxurious or better life after marriage, since my main motive is too marry her only.

[BlueCat]

This is tough, a member of my family dated someone who was excommunicated from her church and sent interstate because she was dating someone without permission and outside of her religion. It was terrible, her family shunned her, wouldn't communicate (except her brother) and completely shut her out. It's awful. After they got married (parents were invited but chose not to come to wedding) she started going back to church and seeing her parents again, now they get along great. But it's such a horrid thing, alienating a child like that just to attempt to control their life.

Sorry, I don't have any advice to give, a parent's ruling on something is difficult for a son/daughter to overcome, not everybody has the strength to override their parent's decision, so I'm afraid that even if she does want to be with you, she may not have it within her to be (if that makes sense). You can't force her to chose you over her parents, you may end up having to just let her go.

[p_b82]

I am sorry to read that your culture this is 'rife' it makes me very grateful that my parents have always allowed me to date any-one... although me relocating to the US was going to cause my dad some serious issues....

If she has decided that she is not willing to risk losing her parents, then the only thing you can do is to move on I am afraid, unless some-how you can convince them to agree to the marriage directly....

Good luck, doesn't sound like an easy position to be in

[SincereLovingSoul]

I'm totally broken... I love her like anything and really really want it to succeed. :'( :'(
Apart from it being a love marriage, her parents have another problem, that we don't belong to the same caste and her father is against inter caste marriages.

I don't know but something's telling me to go and talk to my mother about it, no matter how she reacts. I am scared though, dunno what she will say. But am willing to take this last chance too. I hope she understands me since i have never talked to her about such a matter..

[Honour]

I really feel for you, Sincere. I've seen a few posts like this on here in the past and it always makes me sad when someone allows their parents or other family members to alienate them from their lover. I really think you need to tell your parents about this. Hopefully they will give you the support you obviously need in this time. to you!

[Miasmata]

What a tough situation. I wish I had better advice here other than "Keep your chin up and try talking to someone you trust about it" Rooting for you that talking to your parents will help!

[differentcountries]

This is to terrible. Parents can really be a hindrance towards love. I don't know what we will do either because there is a preassure on SO to marry and he probably can't marry me, but if he moves here then he will maybe feel less of a pressure. Is there anything your girlfriend can do do not feel so strongly that she has to make her parents happy? Because I totally understand different cultures have different ideas about marriages - still you are already in a relationship now. Is there any way her parents' ideals of a non-love marriage could apply to you, a sort of combination? What are they looking for in a potentional mate for their daughter? Could you now or in the future qualify?

[SincereLovingSoul]

The problem is that currently only her mother knows about us and is very scared because her daughter (my sweetie) who earlier tried to commit suicide after her ex bf cheated on her, might do it again. And even my sweetie said this that although it is tough for her right now to give this up, if this happens in the future, she might kill herself once and for all. She doesnt want to see any pain in her mother's eyes. Her father is a heart patient and wont be able to take all this.
She says she cant be the reason for her mother's tears and has to go through this now.

By the way I wanna tell you guys something else too. Do read it plz.

Her ex bf was my best friend and band member too. We met through him only on fb and phone. That time he was going through issues in the relationship and I was there for him through thick and thin. Eventually me and she became the bestest of friends cuz I understood her in all aspects in which he failed totally. I was doing all sorts of things to make them stay together keeping in mind that they were my good friends. But you know, slowly I started falling in love with her, which I realized one day when she developed a migraine attack and was admitted, I was there in my hostel room crying like anything. But I didnt want to tell her and be an obstacle in their thing. But in two weeks, the unexpected happened. She conveyed her feelings to me that she loved me truly...and that was the time I accepted her proposal.

But she was confused because me and her ex bf fought and stopped talking. So finally she took a decision to be with him and asked me for forgiveness. And I, like the typical Cancerian(zodiac), became the sacrificial lamb and sacrificed my love for them. What a feeling it was...the worst ever. I stopped talking to her and moved on somehow. But I kept the friendship with her bf, my friend.

For the next 6 months, that guy kind of changed and started asking her for phone sex, or asking her to meet him and have sex. I mean, Sex was the only thing in his mind. And she hated this cuz in a relationship, this was the last thing on her mind. She was ready for this after marriage only. So one day he got fed up of this and cheated on her..i.e he had sex with a friend of his. And thats how it ended..

After the suicide thing.. she called me up and told me about it.. and said she was finally going to be with me forever. Even though I gave her time to think about it and not take a hasty decision, in 5 days, she was in a relationship with me. I thought I finally got paid for my sacrifice I did..
But now it feels so bad that again this is happening with me. The past is repeating itself.

[SincereLovingSoul]

This Valentine's Day I played a song for her on piano, 'Almost a whisper' by Yanni. Just can't get that tune out of my head. :-(
Any ideas how to move on please.. I just keep playing that tune again and again and tears roll down my eyes.

[Honour]

The only way I can suggest, Sincere, is by trying not to mope around, talk to the right people, and throw yourself into something. Hobby? Work? University? Anything you do and like, and something you can enjoy. Everyone recovers in different ways, it will take time, it will hurt for awhile, but at the end of the day, it's unavoidable. We can only do so much unfortunately.

[Vorkel787]

I'm so sorry this happened to you ;( I don't understand how she could just give up on you so easily like that, I'd like to say that you deserve better;but I know that sounds kinda mean right now. I know this sounds harsh, but maybe if she doesn't love you enough to fight through the tough times then she doesn't deserve to have a wonderful person like you in her life. I hope you find someone who will stay till you die, and again, I'm sorry ;(