Newer LDR, Honeymoon phase ending

[5hrsInLove]

Hi! This is my first time posting here, as well as my first time in an LDR. We are about three months into our new LDR. Up until about a week ago, it was non-stop texting, calling, and being able to see each other every weekend except one time. As with any relationship, reality started to creep into our little fantasy world and my SO has become very busy & stressed recently. She has a lot on her plate at the moment and it has lead to a drastic decrease in our interactions. A lot of the constant "lovey-dovey" stuff has died down significantly and it makes me feel insecure.

We've talked about it and she understands and has reassured me that her feelings are just as strong as ever. If I step back and look at everything she has on her plate at the moment, I completely understand why we're experiencing this change. I guess the trouble is that I don't have nearly as much going on in my life as she does right now, so I find myself feeling lonely, insecure, and missing the way things were. I don't want to burden her with these feelings while she is dealing with the other things that she has going on, but I have trouble getting them out of my head.
I saw her this past weekend, and it was wonderful, but this is also the first time we are dealing with uncertainty as to whether her schedule will allow us to see each other this coming weekend or the next. So, not having a specified date to look forward to is adding to the feelings.

So, do any of you remember when that initial "honeymoon phase" started to end?
Any advice on dealing with the insecurity of our interactions changing?
I know that a few months into any relationship, these changes happen. Just seems to effect me much more with this being the first time in an LDR. Any of your experienced input is appreciated!

[ldr41313]

Welcome to the LDR form! First off, what you're experiencing is completely normal in a LDR. My gf and I noticed this change about 6 months in when we both became busy with jobs. I was like you and would find a bunch of times where she was busy and I was not, leaving me feeling lonely and sad. The best thing to do is express this to her and figure out each other's schedules so you can keep yourself busy when she is! When she works or has things going on, do the same if you can. This will allow for you to really enjoy the time you do have to talk to her when you are both free. It's hard to get used to at first, but balancing your own personal life and needs with hers is something that will take time to figure out. Just express your concerns with her when you have them and it will all work out!

If she is working towards an important goal in her life that takes up this time between you two, let her know you are happy and proud of her for this! It'll show that even though you are not talking as much or 24/7, you are still supportive of her and everything she is doing for herself while she is away. That's the ultimate support you can offer since I'm sure you are happy for her, and it would show your unselfish love.

What makes or breaks a relationship is adapting through this phase together. Just show compassion, understanding, and support whenever she's in a time of need. That's what makes LDR last because being there for her is something you can offer that she won't want from anyone else but you. Hope that helps and best of luck!

[Sarah96]

Firstly, welcome to LFAD! There is nothing wrong with the honeymoon phase ending but if it is making you feel insecure you need to talk to her about it and let her know how you feel. Make sure you have a conversation about what you need/expect from the relationship. You have to find ways to work around busy schedules. When she is busy and unavailable to talk, make sure you are spending time with family and friends or getting done the things you need to do. Spend some time on yourself enjoying your hobbies. Meet new people and make new friends, it can be difficult but you'll lose the lonely feeling and you will have more opportunities to fill your time.
Good luck and I wish you two the best!

[Moon]

Life happens, responsibility happens, changes are pretty much guaranteed. LDR's are at first full of constant contact, but eventually you have to get back to reality and get things done, it's a natural part of it. You already know this though, so it isn't really advice you need, you just need to hear this happens to everybody. I could tell you the same ol' shtick we tell everybody...keep busy, get a hobby, make friends, blah, blah, blah, and it does all work, but you simply need to come to terms with life intruding on the fairy tale Stop being so insecure, that puts a serious drain on the relationship, if everything else is OK, just go with it and believe what she's telling you, until and unless she gives you reason not to. Get on with your life as well, that way the lesser contact doesn't seem so jarring. You said it's only been in the last week, a week is nothing, let her get her stuff taken care of, and the contact will probably pick up again. Relax and let your relationship grow, changes are normal and natural in any relationship.

[differentcountries]

From my experience, after 2 -3 months it is less intense - and that is good, so you will actually have time for other things in your life too. Then you can start to get to know each other beyond "you're fantastic, I love you ".After about a year, the relationship stabilize, which in one way makes it a little boring but in another way more interesting. Right now SO is helping me money,which is not sexy or romantic but it shows his sturdy, resiliant side which I know before from mostly his talk. If you love each other, every side of love is interesting.

[merlinkitty]

I personally hate giving things labels. Life is nothing but one phase after another. It's an ever changing dynamic. Now I know some people will come in here and say "honeymoon phases last x to y amount of time so you are definitely moving out of it." The thing I've noticed is depending on what's going on in both of our lives, how we interact with each other changes. I've learned to move with it, change as it changes. I've also noticed when I start labeling things, I start behaving in such a way that matches what I think is expected, thus creating a kind of self fulfilling prophecy. If I say "we've leaving the honeymoon phase," I might be tempted to put in less energy, be more accepting of the fact that things aren't exactly exciting as they used to be.

The thing I would suggest for you is first off to talk to her and let her know how you're feeling, but also let her know what you're doing to take care of yourself. Keeping crappy feelings bottled up can be exhausting, but you should also be an active participant in your own life, and be responsible for your own well being. What this means for you is acknowledge that things are busy right now, but also make sure you're keeping yourself intellectually entertained so you're not dwelling on your insecurity. These kinds of things eat you alive and really ruin a good relationship. You've got to learn to control your own mind and not let it get the better of you. So long as there is nothing red flagging you in the face telling you she doesn't care for you, then you don't have anything to worry about. Trust what she says I had to learn to do this myself because I would let my negative emotions go craaaaaazy. It's exhausting. Don't do that do yourself

[5hrsInLove]

Thanks all! You've each provided some really good insight. Many of these things, I know deep down. It's just something new to adapt to in life. It feels really good to hear the perspective from others who have dealt with similar situations. Looking forward to exploring this site more & even more forward to growing in and outside of my new relationship. Again, thank you all for your input!

[Honour]

3 months into the relationship and this "honeymoon" phase still isn't up for me and my SO. I think it just depends on the way things work out in your relationship as it progresses. Circumstances change all the time, after all. Try not to worry too much!

[rainbowedm]

Welcome to the forum! I was in the same boat you were in just a couple of months ago. I'm in school right now and I work mornings so I more often than not have to stay in and do homework/sleep while he goes out/is up late on the weekends and our schedules didn't really start to clash until month 3. For a while we spoke in total an hour for the whole week and skyped for a few minutes if I was lucky. But you have to think about this: at least you two are close enough to see each other on a semi-regular basis. I feel lucky enough to be in a LDR where I can see him every couple of months. And with this phase over, you can really and truly get to know your SO and how you two can handle this bigger gap of time. If you two truly have your hearts in it that's all that matters at the end of the day. Best of luck