Hi everyone, long time no post. Just wanted to throw a quick update that I am still together with my boyfriend, and everything is going well.
Anyways, so for a very long time, I've suffered from extreme anxiety and depression due to a rather chaotic upbringing that more or less left me without a childhood. Fast forward to now, and I decided that it was time for me to spend some months getting professional help for said issues so I could better myself, which in turn will better mine and my boyfriend's relationship. I fear that eventually, my anxiety will sabotage mine and my boyfriend's relationship (by my stressing and spazzing out about "theoretical things" that are actually non-issues, or worrying about ten, twenty, fifty years into the future, as people with anxiety often do), so I decided it was high time that I get some help with us being together for almost four years. What drove me to become extremely serious about this was the fact that I took an opportunity to close the distance with my boyfriend, at least temporarily, through a working holiday visa that will allow me a year up in Canada with the ability to work and, obviously, maybe I'll try and find a job while I'm there too. The anticipated time I will be leaving is November of this year. I also feel that, being a realist, this will allow me some time to spend up in Canada with my boyfriend as a "trial run" of sorts. I normally don't much believe in this, but since we will be living in the way we would normally be if we closed the distance for good (both working, both paying bills, both living our own lives, both together and separately, both pursuing our own interests while being together, etc), for a respectable amount of time, I think it can be seen as a good thing because, as much as I don't like to think this way, it will allow me an "out" if it turns out that things won't work out for one reason or another. This move-in made me want to try and work on myself to reduce any stressors on the relationship, because newly living together is already going to be a stressor as it is - I need to be able to handle the challenges that come with it without breaking down into a depressed or anxious fit.
One of the things that really prevented me from seeking professional help earlier WAS because of my LDR. I know there's a negative view of LDRs in general, and I was afraid my counselor would advise heavily against it or claim that somehow, it was a huge cause of all of my emotional duress, which I definitely don't feel that it is, and, as far as I'm concerned, I feel like it's helped in many ways. (I've had anxiety and depression issues far before I met my current boyfriend.) But it's a huge part of my life and the things I'm doing, so I just feel like I can't just keep it out of my appointments and sessions. I decided to risk it though, and I had my first appointment with my counselor today. I really like her, and I kept my mouth shut about my LDR until closer to the end of my meet. When I explained to her my goal of wanting to be "evened out" before I move up to Canada, she seemed okay about everything and agreed with me. But when she asked me if I intended to live with my boyfriend right off the bat, and I said yes, she said in a very stern, almost condescending voice, "Oooooh that's REALLY not a good idea." And it had been going so well too.
So here I am, after the session, and in an anxious fit. She said it would be good to give at least six months before I move in with him, and while I can see where she might be coming from, I just don't know if it's doable. I know there will be challenges (as with many things), but my boyfriend doesn't at all seem concerned about it and I'm not too much either, we'll just deal with them when problems come, as we always have. But how sternly she advised against it has me panicking now. Is it such a bad idea to move in with my boyfriend right away when I get there? How many people successfully closed the distance and moved right in with your SO? What was it like? I need something to calm my nerves about her response one way or another.
Anyways, so for a very long time, I've suffered from extreme anxiety and depression due to a rather chaotic upbringing that more or less left me without a childhood. Fast forward to now, and I decided that it was time for me to spend some months getting professional help for said issues so I could better myself, which in turn will better mine and my boyfriend's relationship. I fear that eventually, my anxiety will sabotage mine and my boyfriend's relationship (by my stressing and spazzing out about "theoretical things" that are actually non-issues, or worrying about ten, twenty, fifty years into the future, as people with anxiety often do), so I decided it was high time that I get some help with us being together for almost four years. What drove me to become extremely serious about this was the fact that I took an opportunity to close the distance with my boyfriend, at least temporarily, through a working holiday visa that will allow me a year up in Canada with the ability to work and, obviously, maybe I'll try and find a job while I'm there too. The anticipated time I will be leaving is November of this year. I also feel that, being a realist, this will allow me some time to spend up in Canada with my boyfriend as a "trial run" of sorts. I normally don't much believe in this, but since we will be living in the way we would normally be if we closed the distance for good (both working, both paying bills, both living our own lives, both together and separately, both pursuing our own interests while being together, etc), for a respectable amount of time, I think it can be seen as a good thing because, as much as I don't like to think this way, it will allow me an "out" if it turns out that things won't work out for one reason or another. This move-in made me want to try and work on myself to reduce any stressors on the relationship, because newly living together is already going to be a stressor as it is - I need to be able to handle the challenges that come with it without breaking down into a depressed or anxious fit.
One of the things that really prevented me from seeking professional help earlier WAS because of my LDR. I know there's a negative view of LDRs in general, and I was afraid my counselor would advise heavily against it or claim that somehow, it was a huge cause of all of my emotional duress, which I definitely don't feel that it is, and, as far as I'm concerned, I feel like it's helped in many ways. (I've had anxiety and depression issues far before I met my current boyfriend.) But it's a huge part of my life and the things I'm doing, so I just feel like I can't just keep it out of my appointments and sessions. I decided to risk it though, and I had my first appointment with my counselor today. I really like her, and I kept my mouth shut about my LDR until closer to the end of my meet. When I explained to her my goal of wanting to be "evened out" before I move up to Canada, she seemed okay about everything and agreed with me. But when she asked me if I intended to live with my boyfriend right off the bat, and I said yes, she said in a very stern, almost condescending voice, "Oooooh that's REALLY not a good idea." And it had been going so well too.
So here I am, after the session, and in an anxious fit. She said it would be good to give at least six months before I move in with him, and while I can see where she might be coming from, I just don't know if it's doable. I know there will be challenges (as with many things), but my boyfriend doesn't at all seem concerned about it and I'm not too much either, we'll just deal with them when problems come, as we always have. But how sternly she advised against it has me panicking now. Is it such a bad idea to move in with my boyfriend right away when I get there? How many people successfully closed the distance and moved right in with your SO? What was it like? I need something to calm my nerves about her response one way or another.
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