Experiencing anxiety and panic

[Adunni]

Hi! This is actually my first post and is the main reason for joining this site. I am in a long distance relationship for the first time ever, I met my bf through a dating app and we have never met, crazy I know. We've been in a relationship for 4 months now and I know our feelings are getting stronger. However I have been experiencing anxiety a lot lately and it is not the first time. A while ago I was very anxious and I told my bf about all the trust issues I have had in the past with family, ex's, and friends and my bf handled it well. He would tell me where he was and, though i didn't ask him to, he even sent pictures to prove it. After about a week of "proving himself" he told me he had done enough and I agreed so he doesn't send the pictures anymore and I'm ok with that. About a month ago my bf decided to take a professional class to further his career and this takes a lot of his time. I told him I was feeling distant because of him being busier. He handled it well and explained that I needed to be a little more patient. I agreed but now I feel my patience running out. I'm experiencing anxiety, wanting to talk to him more, even feeling attachment panic. There is a 6 hour time difference but we text very often, but we don't facetime or skype as much. I want to tell my bf how I've been feeling but I'm hesitant because I don't want him to think I complain to much. I also don't know what exactly I want him to do because I don't want to feel like a distraction from his studies. Sometimes I shutdown and get very quiet in convos so serious and I have the fear that this will happen when if I have this convo with my bf. I also think that I know what his reaction will be. He will tell me he needs me to be more patient but I'm not exactly sure how to be patient without experiencing anxiety. Any thoughts are appreciated. Thanks!

[Miasmata]

He can certainly make the effort to stay in touch, even when he's busy. However, this is something that can and will happen in any relationship, and you have to remember that you have to be able to take care of yourself too. As nice as that would be, we don't always have the luxury of letting our relationship come first, especially when education/work is being more pressing. The only thing you can do here is try to hash out ways and amounts to communicate that work for you both and also focus on yourself and your wellbeing without him. What means do you have in terms of selfcare? Which ways do you use to relax and recharge? Also, if you are very prone to having strong anxiety (got worried a bit when you said you even shut down in important conversations), seeking out professional help would be something to consider. A professional can be a very crucial part of your support network, and if you have issues that go beyond what you can do for yourself, there is absolutely no shame in seeking that help.

[Adunni]

I don't really know how to relax honestly. I have a hard time clearing my mind and often the only way to take my mind off one thing is to occupy it with another. My brain is constantly running and when negative thoughts come is when anxiety begins. I'm a college student so he is not the only busy one in our relationship. Do you have any advice on how to bring up the subject of him making more effort?

[xjustxinxtimex]

I am even more new to this than you. I started my LDR about a month ago. It is hard I am getting anxious already. I have already learned though that there are great people here willing to share their experience, time and knowledge to help others in the same situation.

I have been having a really hard time and I have been spouting off my feelings to my SO way more than I am used to. She understands and she is free to open up to me anytime. So the first thing I would like to say is that I cant imagine it being good that someone would consider their SO's feelings as complaining too much. You are you and you should be free to talk about how you feel in my opinion.

My SO and I have very limited ways to communicate too. The internet is slow and unstable in her area. Sometimes it is ok and we talk on the phone but a lot of time it is just so unstable that voice or video communication just wont work. This even affects text messaging sometimes too not to mention being busy with other things in life. Just saying that I know how lack of communication can make someone feel. I try my best everyday to tell her how much I appreciate all she does for the relationship and she thanks me too. If you are looking for a way to bring the subject, try starting off with a compliment. Tell him you appreciate all that he is trying to do to stay in touch but you still are feeling like its not enough. Then just talk about it and like Miasmata said try to find a schedule if possible. Hiding your feelings only makes things worse, in my opinion, its better to just try to find a solution to what is making you feel that way.

Again, I am really new to this but those were my thoughts on the situation. I hope this helps you in some way. I wish you good luck!

[Honour]

I agree with Miasmata, seeking professional help would be a start. Friends and family, can you talk to anyone along those lines who can help as well?

[Miasmata]

I don't really know how to relax honestly. I have a hard time clearing my mind and often the only way to take my mind off one thing is to occupy it with another. My brain is constantly running and when negative thoughts come is when anxiety begins. I'm a college student so he is not the only busy one in our relationship. Do you have any advice on how to bring up the subject of him making more effort?

Learning how to effectively relax is crucial for your mental wellbeing. It really seems like your anxiety is tough, so I would really urge you to talk to a professional. A therapist or counselor can be a big help when it comes to helping you talk about anxiety-causing stuff and finding methods to cope with it. Since you go to college, it's very likely your campus offers counseling or therapiy. Look/ask around and get in touch with people. You don't have to deal with this alone, but there's also only so much your SO can do. Therapy will take some stress away from the both of you in this matter.

[conejita_hada]

If you have an android or iphone, try using the app from www.calm.com. It has a step-by-step meditation/relaxation guide that teaches how to relax and clear your mind. It really helped me this past fall as I was having horrible anxiety and just couldn't shut off my brain. However, it's not a fix-all so definitely try to seek out a person to talk to, as Miasmata suggests.

[aniay]

If anxiety is so strong that you feel it's affecting your life, talking to a specialist would be a good thing.

Otherwise I can only share a way how I deal with anxiety. I try to sit down and find the source, logicaly dissect the feeling and answer myself 'why?' It helps me a lot to understand why I'm feeling particular way, and when I know (And it sometimes takes days to find the source) It's easier to accept that I'm feeling anxious and it's not as bothering anymore.

Your bf sounds like a great, nderstanding guy. Let him know how you feel, sometimes just talking about what's bothering us helps.

[Adunni]

Thanks! This helps a lot!