help, I'm falling apart

[Bella2807]

HI! I really need help. I have been with my boyfriend since april last year. Everything was okay. We havent seen each other for 2 months because I had to work so did he. For last 3 days he is so rude to me. he doesnt want to talk with me, he doesnt want to discuss when we will meet again. I dont know what is the reason and I am afraid that he will leave me. Please any advice

[snow_girl]

Give him a couple days, he might be stressed and it sounds like you might be pushing him to talk. Let him have some time for him to clear his head and let him come to you. Thats what I have to do with my SO, he needs his space if hes stressed or we've been in a fight.

[merlinkitty]

I'll just add onto what snow_girl said and keep your head busy with other things so it doesn't eat at you. He just made need some space to breathe a few days. It kind of sounds little like you're pushing on him and he might be being rude because he feels like he's getting back into a corner. My guy did this to me once.

[Bella2807]

Thank you. I will do that. I just feel awful because he is rude to me and I didnt do anything wrong

[snow_girl]

Thank you. I will do that. I just feel awful because he is rude to me and I didnt do anything wrong

Playing victim isn't going to help any. There are two sides to every strory, give him space and let him contact you when he's ready.

[merlinkitty]

Thank you. I will do that. I just feel awful because he is rude to me and I didnt do anything wrong

I remember. It felt like total crap. Keep yourself busy when he calms down maybe you two can talk to see what it was you did that set him off. Turns out when mine flipped at me, it was because of something I didn't realize I did.

[Miasmata]

It could very well be that you aren't even the reason he's acting like this. Not everyone has healthy ways of dealing with frustration and anger, and even the most calm people will snap at their loved ones when put under big pressure. Give him some space and then discuss the matter calmly and openly.

[Honour]

Might be exhaustion. Either way, let him come to you first.

[Jaac]

I'm sorry you're going through this... Have you heard from him since??
My SO closes up completely when he's stressed. He pushes everyone away and he wants to figure everything out on his own (it's a men thing)
Sometimes he's being rude to me as well, bit it's got to do with things that he's dealing with...
One thing that you shouldn't do is push him to talk. I know from experience that you will only push him away.
When/if he wants to talk, he will come to you.

I know it can be sooooo hard to be patient. But try and wait for him to come to you.
And don't send him messages when you're feeling really sad. You could be sending stuff to get a reaction, but realise later that you shoul've just let him be.
I'm just saying this from my own experience, but he's obviously different than my SO

You know, you can only change the way you handle the situation, you can't change the situation itself.
be patient

[differentcountries]

Thank you. I will do that. I just feel awful because he is rude to me and I didnt do anything wrong

Stop thinking about communication in terms of right and wrong. Even the best of relationships there is going to be some rough spots, and the goal is not to determine who is right (that always turns ugly) but to find out how you two as a couple can connect the best. I find that the best way to react when my SO is rude to me, is to try to understand him. When he is moody, he can't understand me and not even himself. My SO actually told me 2 days ago that he doesn't know himself that much and is scared to get to know himself better (well, he didn't use the word scared, but scared pretty much covers it), which sort of leaves his soul searching to me (he says I get him, so I suppose I do something right). When he is a good mood, he can be very intuitive and caring, but when stressed it is like trying to soften a stone. I sometimes think of it as a compliment - he shows me all his stress reactions (this is a man known to everyone as smiling, engaging and being witty and kind to everyone), his introvert sides, his sexual self, all. He is sort of daring me to find the right words or actions to soothe him and open up our communication. I find that if I am rather calm myself, but honest, and stress our connection ("I get scared when you talk like that because then I become afraid to loose you. And it would make me so sad to loose you" etc.), something happens to him; that double-faced way of talking where I am raw and calm at the same time seems to soothe him and make him open up, sometimes he is even surprisingly honest.

[Redheart14]

Give him time, he'll come to you when he's ready.

[Jaac]

Give him time, he'll come to you when he's ready.

easier said than done though...

[Bella2807]

Thank you so much. We have talked and he seems okay now but he is partying almost every day which is weird because he is more of a indoor person. I guess I will wait and see what happens when we meet next Thursday after 2,5 looong months. Thank you so much, you are so supportive and kind