Update to the relationship with end date

[S41r4]

Hey guys,

I just wanted to update you, I was the woman living in London who had a gf in Detroit who was battling with her religion and sexual orientation.

She had set an end date for our relationtip, the end of September, so we could be us until then and then no matter how difficult it was, we would end things. A lot of people said this wasn’t a relationship or to walk away. Actually yeah, I didn’t receive one positive post.

Since my last post I’ve been out to visit her again. A few days after Vday we had a bit of a falling out because of some relatively small stuff but we managed to work through it and it was then that she first said something about not being able to end this in September. I didn’t wanna make a big deal of it so I heard it but didn’t really comment.

The few days I got with her last week were amazing again. It’s so easy and natural being with her. And again on her own accord she said I would like to continue this for longer, I love you too much, we even discussed looking into Jewish Gay groups for her to maybe meet a couple people in similar situations. We sort of talked about how our families would react... anyway previously when we would argue, one of us would always say something ridiculous like “why are we even doing this? Its LD plus not a forever thing” – in the conversation she said to me can we no longer do that please. Its disrespectful to this amazing unique bond we have.

She told me how I complete her and she doesn’t want to lose me and that she’s open to the idea of working through all this with me.

Now I know this isn’t a 100% confirmation nor a complete 180 from her initial deal. But I know how huge this is for her and how much she is trying. I know that shes gone from never wanting to be with a girl to admitting she’s in love with one and can’t give her up.

I’m by no means getting my hopes up because I’m also living in the moment. Next month we get 9 days together and we’re going on a vacation to Cali. Then in July I’m looking at moving in with her for 8 weeks.

Things are looking up : )

[xjustxinxtimex]

Its good to hear things are going well for you and you are getting to spend so much time with your SO!! I'm sure everything will work out as they should! Good luck to you both and take care!

[whatruckus]

Well, I was one of the people that told you it wasn't a real relationship. For your sake, I do hope she comes around. While she did mention that she wanted to continue longer, she never said that she wanted to be with you without an end date. And yes, while it sucks, please don't get your hopes up. Also, her being "open" to the idea isn't necessarily the same thing as her actually wanting to stay with you and making this a real relationship.

I still stand by what I said in that a real relationship would never have a set end date and that you're both only setting yourselves up for heartache. I hate being the Debbie Downer, but I just don't understand the point of a relationship with an end date, no matter how much you love the person. Why put so much time and effort into something you know isn't even going to last and you're definitely going to have to go your separate ways, when you could be with someone who actually wants to be with you and wants to stay with you, and wants to have a life with you. Maybe it's just me, but I'd personally rather be with someone who wants to spend forever with me, or at least is shooting for that goal.

I wish you luck.

[differentcountries]

It is nice that she has come around to some extent about not having an end date, still be aware not to wear yourself out while she is trying to find herself. Set an end date yourself, for when she has to stop having that kind of attitude.

[whatruckus]

It is nice that she has come around to some extent about not having an end date, still be aware not to wear yourself out while she is trying to find herself. Set an end date yourself, for when she has to stop having that kind of attitude.

Yes, I definitely agree with setting up an end date for yourself.

[merlinkitty]

Just take care of yourself. The reason things are looking up, it seems, like all of us who advised you, is because she too realized an end date was ridiculous. If I recall from your previous post, I think the thing that scared me for you and horrified me the most at the time was how self conflicted she was and how it seemed she was using you as a "test run" and then willing to bail out on you like that American show "My Husband's Not Gay." Yes, he is. He's just been shamed into thinking marriage between a man and a woman is the only "natural" and "sanctioned by God" relationships. And I don't want that for you.

So I'm very glad that things are looking up and she's willing to start exploring a way to accept herself. Support her in her growth, but I still stand by my advice, do not accept her end dates if she cannot learn to accept herself. You deserve better than that

[Honour]

Well... I was also one of those who commented on your original post. Just take care of yourself, and allow her to grow on her own accord. You can't do that for her.

[randomnerd]

I can understand her being scared and all...I was in a 3 year relationship with a woman while being very involved within a church...we were a secret but not for long. If you love someone you take that extra step and commit to it.

I am glad that she sees that she wants to be with you, that is a start. I would suggest that you stay guarded. Don't give yourself to her completely because she isn't doing that for you.

That said, enjoy your time together Best of luck.