We never argue...do you?

[FloridaLovesChicago]

My bf and I have been together for a year this April. We have had numerous visits and We have yet to argue about anything. Someone told me that "it's weird" we don't argue, that we are holding back...and it's unhealthy not to argue. We are both very passive people, we both think before we speak, and we are extremely respectful of one another. This is something I cannot say about any other relationship I've ever been in.

The truth is...I've honestly never been mad at him about anything. He's very courteous, always considers my feelings when doing/saying things, and we get along perfectly - all the time. I'm not saying he's never irritated me. He definitely has. But the good thing about a lot of communication being via text is that I get the chance to type out what I sporadically think...read it, and then go "whoa, you're an asshole" and delete it lol I feel like a lot of arguments are because people say things they don't mean in the spur of the moment...and the other person retaliates because they are hurt - therefore starting a very unneeded argument. So we avoid that. We don't speak out of anger, we don't take things out on one another if we are having a bad day, etc.

Do you think it's odd we don't argue? I mean...I know it's coming. I know one day we will probably have a knock down drag out fight but up to this point, nothing has ever happened that would justify arguing.

Do you argue with your SO? What do you argue about? How long were you together before you had your first big fight?

[merlinkitty]

Your fight is going to be next week for writing this lol I'm just kidding

I'm really passive too. Well, maybe passive is the wrong word. Submissive maybe? I let him set the tone a lot, I defer much to his judgment. I do a lot of what you talk about. Thinking about what I'm going to say before it comes out of my mouth. He'd never say we've had an argument. I would. That's just getting technical. We have a lot of discussions.

I don't know if "arguing" in the traditional sense, yelling and screaming over each other, is the same thing as having heated discussions, which we have had on occassion. I think also, being LD, it prevents you from getting on each other's nerves as much. You can turn off the phone right now when you're annoyed. Somewhere down the line you may finally snap after asking every few days for 6 years in a row to take out the trash.

You will "argue." You might not now though because you're both exceedingly polite to each other and have time to craft a response. In future, being in each other's space might not be a choice and one of you may finally drop the calm facade and then well all be hearing echos of arguments in Florida and Chicago for weeks lol

[differentcountries]

We argue very seldom, perhaps once every three months. I usually initiate the fights when they do happen. He is very curtious and nice, but the other side of that is that he doesn't always say what is on his mind even when that would be useful to me, which drives me up the wall. He thinks that he is good at hiding his moods, but he is not. One time when he was worried sick about the catand didn't tell me, I started to think he would dump me because he looked so stressed and still said everything was fine, until I confronted him. Last time I was upset was when he waited to tell me that he had failed one of his exams, and also chose a certain bad timing to tell me (in front of his friends who are practically strangers to me). He is sometimes very silly.

Our first big, and perhaps only mean, fight was when we had been together about one and a half month, almost all of it LD. We argued over planning visits. It was ugly, but also led to us actually booking tickets. And also, we made a wow to never argue over text! We usually say that every time we have a disagreement, we learn something about us, so the negative is not a waste. I don't think couples "have" to argue, but everyone has things they disagree about or don't get about the other person, and if both are shy of conflict the mood can be too considerate so that you don't bring up issues that should be discussed.

[TheSteelAngel]

I've known my boyfriend for 5 months now and we never fought either. I get mad at him quite a bit, but we never argued. I've heard of other couples who never fought either and they've been married for many years. Every couple is different.

[FloridaLovesChicago]

Your fight is going to be next week for writing this lol I'm just kidding

Ha! You're probably right! I'm going to be kicking myself in the ass for even bringing it up

[merlinkitty]

Ha! You're probably right! I'm going to be kicking myself in the ass for even bringing it up

Lmao I really hope not for you, but we'll be here to talk you through it xD

[FloridaLovesChicago]

if both are shy of conflict the mood can be too considerate so that you don't bring up issues that should be discussed.

It's not that either of us are shy of conflict...we just don't ever have anything worth fighting over. I'm not the type of person to get butt hurt for...let's say... him not responding to me for 5 hours or something silly like that. I just consider "oh he's busy" and move along with my day.

I guess I just take everything with a grain of salt after being in a terrible relationship for 8 years. My ex and I would argue over the color of the sky if one of us said it was blue. It was ridiculous. I refuse to argue over petty things. There's really no need for it.

[differentcountries]

It's not that either of us are shy of conflict...we just don't ever have anything worth fighting over. I'm not the type of person to get butt hurt for...let's say... him not responding to me for 5 hours or something silly like that. I just consider "oh he's busy" and move along with my day.

I guess I just take everything with a grain of salt after being in a terrible relationship for 8 years. My ex and I would argue over the color of the sky if one of us said it was blue. It was ridiculous. I refuse to argue over petty things. There's really no need for it.

I often dont talk to him for five hours... It is called work.

We never disagree over household stuff. I don't like all his habits, but they don't bother me that much. I have fought over riddiculous things with my ex too. My ex was actually sometimes mad at me for not fighting enough lol...

Anyway, yes some couples just get along without much adjustment. That could be a testament to their love, or their adaptability which has good and bad sides. Sometimes people have no issues whatsoever, in time they move in together, or get kids, then all of a sudden a thousand issues. The matter is not if you fight or not, but if it is ok to disagree if or when the time comes that you do.

[xjustxinxtimex]

My SO has a pretty good grasp on the my native language (English) but sometimes different cultures communicate differently or have perceived things differently than what you might think is normal.

For instance, when I am texting with her I tend to use exclamation points a lot. Its not something that I try to do on purpose, it just happens. The only reason I can think is my subconscious trying to show how excited I am talking to her. But anyways, for a time she would get really hurt sometimes and then I found out when i would use something like !!! she would take that as meaning I was yelling when I wasn't. So that caused some conflicts before. And also, as far as being LDR, there is a lot of text communication and it can be hard to accurately interpret a persons tone from type sometimes.

So long story short yeah, even though we haven't been together long we have argued some but I think 90% of it was miscommunication and the rest was for other reasons. I can honestly say that we argue sooooo much less as time goes by which I think is mostly just because we are figuring out each others ways of communication now.

[Miasmata]

I'm kinda struggling to understand what everyone defines as an argument here? Like a big fight? A heated discussion? Anything where things get emotional? I feel like whenever these kinda threads come up, I only think I understand what people mean, but it actually seems to be a very individual definition.

Either way, I think healthy conflict is important - As in, you know how to confront uncomfortable stuff and speak your mind. It doesn't need to turn nasty to be a conflict of sorts. Healthily dealing with that kinda thing is crucial.

[Dwessie]

Lately there's been a few due to stress (They're always the same thing whoops) but we argue healthily, I just keep doing the same one till she gets it or vice versa.
Lots of healthy couples have the occasional thing. Hell, my dad has to get on my mom for leaving food messes out for two weeks at a time a LOT.

[aniay]

I feel you, well I did. It took me about two years to get into argument and actively disagree with my SO and it took me by surprise. Now it happens every now and again but not very often. We argued about a table in the living room (The first argument because I used wrong words in english to explain something), about him not listening to my advice and me feeling ignored and about him complaining how he looks instead of doing something about it and about the temperature in the house. Pretty mundane things.
We never had a 'big fight'. I used to be in relationship where all arguments were turning into fights because of no respect and dragging out the past and blaming and other things that should never happen in healthy relationship, I'd like to believe you can live your life without those 'big fights'


For me argument is when your emotions show when there is a disagreement and one or the other gets nervous/sad/angry/etc. I imagine that in case of not overly emotional people the arguments are less heated.
Still, It's going to happen, because we are all only humans and we're not perfect and we have emotions.
When it happens it's important to remember to keep the respect for the other person, stay on topic, never bring up past problems into the mix and later on explain why you reacted this way so it can be avoided later.

That's my way of dealing with disagreements when they turn into arguments.

[differentcountries]

I'm kinda struggling to understand what everyone defines as an argument here? Like a big fight? A heated discussion? Anything where things get emotional? I feel like whenever these kinda threads come up, I only think I understand what people mean, but it actually seems to be a very individual definition.

It depends a bit on what tics the other person off. With my ex, a fight was yelling, throwing stuff, slamming doors and leaving the house. With my husband, a fight is when we talk past each other loudly and maybe start to use words like always, never or put the other person in a box. With SO, a fight is usually whenever I say explicit that I am displeased with something, which he gets very insulted and confused by - there was ugly words used once, which made him so sad that I never want to see that face again. My fights with SO are not real fights, it is just me being a little confrontational when the both of us are tired, haha, but it follows the dynamics of a fight. I am trying to teach him how to raise issues.

[lyonsgirl]

We argue. After living together & being married, I would be weirded out if we didn't argue about something.

[lucybelle]

Unfortunately I feel this forum lots of times turns into contests. The most common two are "my relationship is better because..." and "my relationship is harder because..."

There are countless threads about "fighting". Lots of couples claim they never fight (including me)- congrats. Lots of couples do fight and feel stronger after making up. Feel secure in your relationship. If it works for you, stick to it. That's the bottom line really.