Jealousy and the Future
Hi. I have a serious problem. I am an 18 year old guy and I get incredibly, unhealthily jealous. Not crazy, lunatic jealous. Just irrational and fearful and sometimes in consumes my relationship. So let's start with my birth... So my mother and father were both 20 when I was born. My father left and I have struggled with abandonment issues since then. Skip forward about a decade and a half and that was when I had my first serious relationship. We dated for about a year. I didn't have sex with my girlfriend because I was scared of the idea that she would hurt me. She got impatient and cheated on me for three months with a good friend of mine. I finally caught them in my room... Yeah... So I'm sure my jealousy comes from that a bit. So skip forward to September 6, 2014. That is the day I saw the love of my life for the first time. I wasn't planning on ever being in a serious relationship ever again. But this girl is different... Let's call her 'D'. So D is this beautiful, sweet, and passionate girl who has had a similar past as me (unmentioned in this post). We bonded and became friends immediately. She was talking to this guy that she had known for a while and I pretended not to care because we had just met and I didn't really think I would like her that much. I knew I thought she was cute. And I knew I wanted to hook up with her but I didn't know that a month later, I would have fallen deeply in love with this girl. So on September 12, 2014, she dropped the kid that she was talking to to be with me. We started dating.
Now let me clarify the situation. We both attend boarding school in CT, so we see each other EVERY DAY. Relationships move fast when you see the other person every day. We also have this bond that neither one of us have ever had with anyone else. Neither one of us believed in love before we knew each other. Even when we first started dating, we had deep talks about what we believe love is and how we don't believe in it. Or at least believe in it for ourselves.
So... back to my jealousy. After I fell for D, I wanted her all to myself. We both lost our virginity to each other. And we both shared our deepest darkest secrets. Now don't get me wrong, I don't think she would EVER betray me. And we are open about this topic. But I get jealous. Real jealous. She kept talking to that kid she had a thing with at the beginning of our relationship and I was like, I love you but that's not gonna fly... at least for now... Especially after he told her, "You know D, I'm going to cheat on my girlfriend and you are going to cheat on that prick of yours and we are going to hook up." She waved it off like it was nothing but I was infuriated. As anyone would be. She agreed to drop that relationship completely. She has contacted him a few times even though she said she wouldn't but has realized it was a mistake and apologized and hasn't contacted him for almost a month and a half now. So I think she's done with him. She also has this guy friend, K. K is a good guy... He smokes a lot of weed and he is kind of a flirt. They have known each other for almost 8 years now and has been with her through tough shit. Now, this D has really likes K. I don't believe she likes him in a romantic way... but she did once say that if she had to have sex with anyone in the world other than me, she said him... and that kinda pissed me off... a lot. Oh! also, there was this incident where K sent D pictures of him... not too sexual but then asked 'Would you like to see another more revealing picture?' D said no and played it off... then told me about it. And so the jealousy began. I am always terrified that she is going to cheat on me. Sometimes I believe that she would never... and sometimes I believe that she will the first opportunity that she gets. She has told me that she would NEVER but it makes me hurt... Because what if she does. If she were to cheat on me and lie about that, who's to say that she didn't lie about loving me. And IDK if I could ever handle that. So as of now, my jealousy is to the point that when she talks about guys I get this horrible pit in my stomach. When she wears revealing clothes, I literally picture her cheating on me. When we skype and accidentally flashes me (she loves skirts), I think about if she's that careless when she's with other guys. When she hangs out with K, all i can think about is her cheating. When I think of her and I working in college (i'll get to that in a second), I think of her partying, getting too drunk and cheating on me... I get SO jealous. It's annoying how jealous I get and it definitely has a toll on our relationship. At first, she was supportive.... but she is starting to get really frustrated with it. We have came up with many plans to hinder my jealousy and she is pretty flexible. But I don't want to be that guy... I need help...
So now it has been a little over half a year and we are both seniors in High School. We are both going off to college but we don't know how far apart yet. We applied to a few of the same schools but we both agreed not to go somewhere for the other person. But if we both like the same school, we will go together... Even though we agreed not to go anywhere FOR the other person, we also agreed that our relationship plays a factor in the decision. We want to work. Her parents are high school sweethearts so they are pretty supportive. And so are my parents. It'll be easy if we go to the same school... But I want to handle this jealousy issue before we go off to different schools! Or even go off this summer (she lives in CT I live in NC). We both plan to visit each other but It'll still be hard.
Is there any advice for my jealousy... or the Future?
Thank you,
JBC
Now let me clarify the situation. We both attend boarding school in CT, so we see each other EVERY DAY. Relationships move fast when you see the other person every day. We also have this bond that neither one of us have ever had with anyone else. Neither one of us believed in love before we knew each other. Even when we first started dating, we had deep talks about what we believe love is and how we don't believe in it. Or at least believe in it for ourselves.
So... back to my jealousy. After I fell for D, I wanted her all to myself. We both lost our virginity to each other. And we both shared our deepest darkest secrets. Now don't get me wrong, I don't think she would EVER betray me. And we are open about this topic. But I get jealous. Real jealous. She kept talking to that kid she had a thing with at the beginning of our relationship and I was like, I love you but that's not gonna fly... at least for now... Especially after he told her, "You know D, I'm going to cheat on my girlfriend and you are going to cheat on that prick of yours and we are going to hook up." She waved it off like it was nothing but I was infuriated. As anyone would be. She agreed to drop that relationship completely. She has contacted him a few times even though she said she wouldn't but has realized it was a mistake and apologized and hasn't contacted him for almost a month and a half now. So I think she's done with him. She also has this guy friend, K. K is a good guy... He smokes a lot of weed and he is kind of a flirt. They have known each other for almost 8 years now and has been with her through tough shit. Now, this D has really likes K. I don't believe she likes him in a romantic way... but she did once say that if she had to have sex with anyone in the world other than me, she said him... and that kinda pissed me off... a lot. Oh! also, there was this incident where K sent D pictures of him... not too sexual but then asked 'Would you like to see another more revealing picture?' D said no and played it off... then told me about it. And so the jealousy began. I am always terrified that she is going to cheat on me. Sometimes I believe that she would never... and sometimes I believe that she will the first opportunity that she gets. She has told me that she would NEVER but it makes me hurt... Because what if she does. If she were to cheat on me and lie about that, who's to say that she didn't lie about loving me. And IDK if I could ever handle that. So as of now, my jealousy is to the point that when she talks about guys I get this horrible pit in my stomach. When she wears revealing clothes, I literally picture her cheating on me. When we skype and accidentally flashes me (she loves skirts), I think about if she's that careless when she's with other guys. When she hangs out with K, all i can think about is her cheating. When I think of her and I working in college (i'll get to that in a second), I think of her partying, getting too drunk and cheating on me... I get SO jealous. It's annoying how jealous I get and it definitely has a toll on our relationship. At first, she was supportive.... but she is starting to get really frustrated with it. We have came up with many plans to hinder my jealousy and she is pretty flexible. But I don't want to be that guy... I need help...
So now it has been a little over half a year and we are both seniors in High School. We are both going off to college but we don't know how far apart yet. We applied to a few of the same schools but we both agreed not to go somewhere for the other person. But if we both like the same school, we will go together... Even though we agreed not to go anywhere FOR the other person, we also agreed that our relationship plays a factor in the decision. We want to work. Her parents are high school sweethearts so they are pretty supportive. And so are my parents. It'll be easy if we go to the same school... But I want to handle this jealousy issue before we go off to different schools! Or even go off this summer (she lives in CT I live in NC). We both plan to visit each other but It'll still be hard.
Is there any advice for my jealousy... or the Future?
Thank you,
JBC
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